


We Band of Brothers

by LadyWallace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amara is evil, Angel Headcanon, Angel Wings, Archangels, Big Brother Gabriel, But there's comfort too, Cas Whump, Cas is messed up physically and emotionally, Cas is really hurting, Dark Stuff, Depression, Family Drama, Fix-It, Gabriel and Cas share a vessel, Gabriel is pissed, Gabriel whump, Gen, Guilty Sam and Dean (but for different reasons), Happy Ending, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Long recovery, Lots of Angst, Lots of whump all around, Lucifer is stealing Cas' vessel, Lucifer isn't much help, No Slash, Protective Gabriel, Sam & Dean whump, Season 11 Fix-It, Season 11 au, Seriously worse, The Darkness - Freeform, angel wings headcanons, archangels are all dicks (except Gabe), but did I mention a happy ending?, family/friendship feels, guilty cas, headcanon about Dean's scar, kind of helpful Crowley, lots of canon divergence, lots of emotional angst, lots of feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 09:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 63,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11644002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyWallace/pseuds/LadyWallace
Summary: S11 AU—Amara must be defeated, but Sam and Dean can’t do it alone, thus some unexpected help arrives in the newly resurrected archangels. But figuring out how to save Cas and Lucifer from Amara and creating a trap that will hold her might be too much to handle. Will they survive the final fight, or will the world fall into Darkness? Gen-No Slash





	1. Once More Unto the Breach

It had been one thing after another through this whole situation. First there was unleashing the Darkness to begin with and then everything that followed that on swift wings. Lucifer contacting Sam, going into hell to give the devil face time, Cas saying yes to being possessed by him…Dean was still trying to wrap his head around that one. Where had things gone so wrong between the three of them? And then finding all the various Hands of God, all of which had been a bust, doing nothing to stop Amara, and now she had Lucifer and Cas and was likely torturing them at that very minute.

This past week had just been a brand new hell in a long line of hells for Dean. He and Sam had been working non-stop trying to find out where Amara might be, but they had nothing. After she had taken Lucifer and Cas there wasn't a single trace of her. Dean had even tried calling out to her one day while Sam was out tracking down a lead to see if she would answer him when he was alone, but she was ignoring him too, and that made Dean almost more wary than he was about their weird connection to begin with.

Every night he drowned himself in too much liquor, replaying the scene over and over in his head of them trying to extract Lucifer from Cas' vessel. That whole situation sat badly with him like a festering wound that refused to heal. It was bad enough that they had failed to save Cas, but what was worse was knowing that Sam was actually okay with letting their angel sacrifice himself. Cas was pretty much the only family they had left, and Sam saying he was willing to give up on him, after nearly ruining the world by letting Amara free when he took the Mark off Dean's arm made the elder Winchester furious. There weren't a lot of times he really wanted to punch his little brother, but Dean had really wanted to slug some sense into Sam after hearing that. He knew that somewhere in there, despite protestations, Sam was still angry at Dean for stopping him closing the gates of hell. But that was no reason to let Cas die. And yeah, Sam had agreed with him after a while, but their original conversation still sat heavy in Dean's gut. Calling Cas' vessel "it", saying it was "Cas' choice"…no it would take Dean a long time to get over that.

And deep down Dean knew it was both their faults Cas had done this. If the angel was so desperate that he would let Lucifer catch a ride in his vessel just to be 'useful' or whatever, then that was a serious problem. And what made it worse was that Dean had known Cas was hurting, had seen it clearly in retrospect, but he hadn't paid any damn attention at the time, too busy trying to track down Amara and fix the problems he had helped cause. In his mind, he'd always thought of Cas as a brother, but he realized shamefully that he had so rarely ever treated him that way, and had certainly never made sure Cas knew that. If they got Cas back—when—he was determined to make sure the angel felt more welcome in their family, that he was a part of it. Make sure things like this didn't happen again. He only hoped he got that chance.

Dean looked at his phone, seeing it was well past midnight. Sam was already asleep, or at least holed up in his room, leaving his elder brother to drink himself into a stupor. Dean closed his eyes and tried to reach out to Amara again.

"Amara," he said. "If you can hear me…I want Cas back. You can have Lucifer, but give us Cas, he's just in the crossfire, he has no part in your family feud."

Nothing. Dean sighed and changed tactics. "Cas. Castiel, if you can hear me, I'm praying to you, man. I don't know if Lucifer is letting this get through, or if it even works like that, but I just want you to know that Sam and I will get you out of there. We haven't forgotten you, okay? Just…hang on, and don't give in to Lucifer. Don't just…sit there and fade away."

He buried his face in his hands, remembering Crowley's face after he had come back from possessing Lucifer. He'd said Lucifer's hold on Cas was too strong, but he hadn't really had a chance to say what that meant or what state Cas was in before he had beat a hasty retreat. Dean hoped there was actually some of Cas left after this. He knew well enough what Lucifer had done to Sam when he was still in his head. He wasn't even sure the "Cas" he had spoken to briefly during the exorcism had actually been Cas or if it was just Lucifer playing Cas again.

But thinking about it for the millionth time wasn't really going to fix anything. They would be on the case again tomorrow. Dean slowly stood and trudged off to his room, falling into bed. He closed his eyes, and dreamed of darkness.

~~~~~~~~

Sam woke the next morning to the sounds of Dean already up and messing around in the kitchen. He rubbed sleep from his eyes and decided to take a shower before he confronted his brother. He knew Dean was still angry with him for what he had said about Cas. Sam was angry at himself. He wasn't sure what he had been thinking at the time, maybe he was just tired, maybe he was still furious at himself for being so weak that he had nearly destroyed the world—again—for his brother. And, actually, the world could still be destroyed because he tried to save his brother. In any case, he hadn't meant that he didn't care about what happened to Cas, he was just trying to snag any solution they had at the moment and had gotten ahead of himself. But he felt guilty for the fact that Crowley had actually been the first one to mention getting Cas out of Lucifer before they shoved the devil back in the cage. That was what was really sad. What kind of friends were they?

Sam sighed deeply as he threw off his clothes and stepped under the hot shower spray. He knew they needed to find something on where Amara was. Anything, even if it were a rumor. He planned on calling Crowley again today, though he was sure that if the King of Hell had heard anything, he probably would have let them know. He wanted Amara gone as much as they did.

Sam turned off the water and toweled dry, rubbing the steam from the mirror and deciding he could go another day without shaving. He dressed and braced himself for facing his brother. He was worried about Dean. He didn't know everything about his brother's connection with Amara, but he figured it was probably frustrating to Dean that he couldn't find her when they needed her. And frustrating was an understatement. Ever since they had found out that Cas had been possessed by Lucifer, Dean had been working non-stop, and it was even worse now that they knew the angel had done it willingly and that it seemed like he wasn't planning on surviving the fight if what Crowley told them was anything to go by. By all accounts Cas had given up, and if there was one thing Dean was not okay with, it was people he cared about giving up. That was like a mortal sin to Dean. Sam was all too aware of that.

Sam was also all too aware of what Lucifer was capable of. He was concerned that the archangel might have done something to Cas, broken him, made him compliant. But he was even more concerned that Lucifer hadn't done anything, and that Cas had simply given up of his own volition. That thought made him sick.

He sighed and tossed his towel onto the rack before he headed out to the kitchen.

When he got there he saw that Dean had skipped the coffee and went straight for the fifth of whisky.

"Don't say it's five o'clock somewhere," Sam deadpanned as he started making a pot of coffee. "You should at least eat some cereal."

"Thanks, mom, I'll remember that," Dean grunted.

Sam pressed his lips together, wanting to retort, but knowing it would do nothing to change the situation. "So, what are the plans for today?"

"Keep lookin'," Dean said. He got up and grabbed a bowl, throwing some cereal into it and pouring milk over it. Sam was somewhat surprised he had listened, but maybe Dean was just hungry. He motioned for him to leave the stuff out and poured two cups of coffee for them.

"I was actually thinking last night," Dean said around a spoonful of cereal. "You know when Crowley had that angel Samandriel and was torturing him for info, a bunch of weird crap started happening in the vicinity. Cas said that when an angel is in pain it can sometimes manifest in freaky stuff. I figure Amara has to be torturing Lucifer, and an archangel must have enough power to make some noticeable freaky crap happen, right?"

Sam nodded thoughtfully. "That's actually not a bad idea. What exactly are we looking for?"

"Anything unnatural—Samandriel caused a bush to explode into flames in some guy's face. We should check out news and weather reports for the whole country, we have no idea where Amara might have gone."

"Okay, sounds good."

Sam was glad to have some direction in their search. It always helped. A few hours later they were driving to a few of the spots where what could be termed 'freaky unnatural crap' was happening and snooped around for any sign of Amara or where she might be keeping Lucifer and Cas.

Unfortunately, after a day of that, they still hadn't uncovered anything and they headed back to the bunker, planning on going out again the day after to look at a few more sites.

"This is crap," Dean muttered as they came up from the bunker's garage, their duffle bags slung over their shoulders.

"It's a good idea, Dean, it just might take a while longer to find what we actually are looking for."

"Yeah, well, Cas might not have a while longer," Dean snapped as he threw his bag down on the map table. "And we still have nothing on how to gank the Darkness!"

"Hold on." Sam held up his hand, reaching for the gun at the back of his jeans. Dean was instantly on alert, his own weapon in his hand.

"What?" the elder Winchester asked.

"Heard something in the kitchen," Sam replied, starting toward the room.

"Don't think we have rats," Dean muttered as he followed his brother.

They entered the kitchen with their guns held ready, and were shocked to see a man with his back to them, rummaging through their refrigerator.

"Hey!" Dean yelled.

The man turned around, an open box of Lucky Charms in one hand and a pint of ice cream in the other. He was grinning. "Hey chuckleheads, what does a guy have to do a get a beer around here?"

Sam and Dean gaped at the intruder.

"Gabriel?!"


	2. An Unexpected Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're wondering, every chapter title is from a poem, song or book so you can look them all up to see the meanings behind them :)

The brothers watched in fascination as Gabriel concocted a mess of ice cream, Lucky Charms, peanut butter and maple syrup, sitting down across from them at the kitchen table and kicking his feet up as he ate a huge spoonful, rolling his eyes in pleasure.

"Wow, being dead sure makes you crave the good stuff, doesn't it? I'm sure you two know exactly what I'm talking about. How do you do this coming back to life thing all the time? It blows. I mean, I'm thrilled to be back and all, but I feel all wrung out; it's probably gonna take me a couple days to get back up to strength. Not all it's cracked up to be."

The brothers were still staring at the archangel, not knowing exactly how to go about broaching the subject of why the hell he was sitting in their kitchen. Dean was still wondering whether he should shoot or not.

"Gabriel," Sam said finally.

"That's my name—well, one of many, anyway," Gabriel shrugged, licking ice cream and syrup off his spoon. "You got any hot fudge?"

Dean cleared his throat since Sam seemed to be at a loss for words. "I think what Sam is trying to say is, how come you're not dead?"

"Oh, I was dead," Gabriel replied nonchalantly. "I'm alive again, that shouldn't really surprise you two."

"Yeah, but how?" Sam asked.

Gabriel ate the last of his concoction and set the bowl on the table. "Well, apparently dear old Dad decided I would be a good asset in the approaching Apocalypse Take Two: Darkness. She is out, isn't she? Old Aunty Amara?"

"Yeah, so wait, you're saying God resurrected you for the final showdown?" Sam asked.

"Yep," Gabriel said. "Didn't really get the full report though. I got that the Darkness is out in full force and pissed—but that isn't really news when it comes to Aunty. Also, something about you two being to thank for it, but that's not exactly news either. Oh yeah, and something about Luci wreaking havoc as well? The info was spotty at best, figured you two could fill me in." He looked around. "By the way, is my little bro still hanging out with you losers? I thought he'd be here helping with this mess."

Dean's jaw tightened. "Yeah, he's helping out, alright. Cas is kind of in some trouble right now."

"What kind of trouble?" Gabriel asked sharply in the recognizable concern of a big brother. "The fun kind of trouble or your kind of trouble?"

Sam and Dean shared a look before Sam sighed. "We should probably start from the beginning."

Dean went to get beers.

"So," Gabriel said halfway through the story. "Let me see if I'm following: Dean here has some connection to Amara because of the Mark, and because releasing her cracked Lucifer's cage, he was able to send Sam visions?"

"Yeah," the younger Winchester said.

"And you just, what? Decided to pop down to hell to see how he was doing?" Gabriel's eyebrows shot toward his hairline. "Not to mention trusting a witch to make sure everything went smoothly. Yeah, that was totally a smart move. Not."

"Okay, you don't have to make this worse than it already is, it's all water under the bridge," Dean told him angrily. "Let's make a long story short. Right now, Amara has Lucifer and she's torturing him to get her brother's attention, which I guess is why he sent us you?"

"Don't go looking a gift horse in the mouth, Deano," Gabriel shrugged. "Though don't know how happy old Luci will be to see me. Last time we met, he kinda, ya know, killed me. And he has been known to hold grudges."

"Well, that's not the only problem we have," Dean grunted, steeling himself for telling the archangel and former Trickster just what had happened to his brother. "Lucifer only got out of the cage because Cas let him use his vessel, and now they're roommates which means that he's being tortured right along with Lucifer and we have no idea where Amara might be keeping them."

Gabriel just stared at him. "Um, excuse me, did you just tell me that Castiel said the big Yes to Lucifer?"

"Yes!"

"Why the hell would he do that?" Gabriel demanded.

Sam and Dean looked at each other, before Sam finally said, "Because he wanted to be 'useful'."

Gabriel's face was stormy, pinning them with an index finger. "Oh-ho, have we got a lot to talk about, boys. Just why did Cas think he wasn't useful before?"

"He's been going through some stuff," Sam tried, but Dean cut him off, slamming his fist on the table and making the empty beer bottles rattle.

"It's our fault, okay?" Dean snapped. "I didn't realize until too late how bad he was suffering, and now…" He shook his head and surged to his feet, pacing angrily. "Look, we screwed up by Cas, I'll admit it, and I'll never forgive myself if he dies for this. But we can talk about blame later, because right now, we need to get him back here and figure out how to get him and Lucifer separated."

Gabriel still looked furious, but he shook himself and nodded. "Okay, fine. But this is far from over, boys."

"Trust me, I know," Dean grunted as he got up to grab another beer. He really didn't need Gabriel telling him what he already knew—that he had screwed up big time and Cas was suffering for it. Sam sighed and turned back to Gabriel.

"So, do you think there's any way you can track Amara?" he asked.

Gabriel shrugged. "Aunt Amara I can't track unless she wants me to, but I may be able to put my feelers out for Luci unless she's warded the place she's keeping him to the nines. Even then, though, there's usually a reverse sense, if you know what I mean. Nothing where something should be and that in itself is answer enough."

"Okay, well, let's cut the new age hippie crap and try it out," Dean said. "Amara's already had them for a week and who knows how much longer they're going to last."

Gabriel held up a hand to stop him. "Hold on, we have an incoming."

"An incoming?" Sam asked, eyes wide. "What do you mean?"

"Amara?" Dean asked, though he was sure he would have felt her presence if she had been on her way.

"No, worse," Gabriel stood and the Winchesters followed suit as they heard a large flapping sound from the library followed by the flutter of papers flying around. Dean wondered if they should be arming themselves, but Gabriel hadn't taken out his blade yet, so maybe they weren't about to be killed by an unknown intruder.

They raced into the room and saw a large, powerful—not to mention angry—black man who looked vaguely familiar. Especially with that look of disdain currently adorning his face.

"Um, excuse me?" Dean said, but got no further for the man had caught sight of him and Sam and his look of disdain turned to one of pure righteous hatred. Emphasis on the righteous.

"You. Filthy Winchesters." His hand went up, eyes flashing, but Gabriel leapt forward, holding his hands out in a placating gesture.

"Woah, woah! This is a no smiting zone!"

The appearance of the archangel did little to stem the man's wrath. His lip curled back in recognition. "Gabriel."

"Raphael," Gabriel greeted in return.

"Raphael?" Dean demanded, casting about for some kind of weapon. "The hell is he doing here? He's supposed to be dead!"

Gabriel raised a pointed eyebrow, gesturing vaguely to his person, and Dean conceded with a hopeless shrug. Great. This was just getting better and better.

"Tell me why I was resurrected only to be dropped into a pit of human squalor," Raphael snarled.

"Dad needs us, bro. We gotta fight the Darkness."

"With these hairless apes?" Raphael looked down his nose at Sam and Dean.

"Not exactly our first choice either," Dean couldn't help but comment.

"Okay, boys, put 'em away," Gabriel said quickly.

"I should not even be here. It is an insult," Raphael looked like he was about to fly away, when Gabriel snagged his sleeve and kept him still. Raphael stared down at the hand that held him, looking like he wanted to stab his angel blade through it.

"Just wait a sec and hear me out, bro," Gabriel told him in a more reasonable tone than Dean had given him credit for. "Don't you think this is important? The fact that we're both here, now. Dad hasn't done anything like this in years, I think that's reason enough to stay and see this out. We're obviously meant to be here to see this through, and yeah, I get you have a beef with the Wonder Twins over there, but ya know, they ain't half bad when you get to know them."

Raphael shook Gabriel off. "You were not there to see the aftermath of the stunt these two pulled to stop the Apocalypse. They pulled not only Lucifer but Michael as well into the cage. I tried to fix what I could but I was thwarted again by them and that traitor Castiel."

Gabriel's face hardened at the mention of Cas, but he didn't say anything about him. Dean figured he would probably have to relate the whole bloody story to the archangel eventually, but right now they had bigger problems.

"Look," Sam said, stepping forward and instantly getting pinned by Raphael's piercing gaze. "We know it took all the archangels and God to lock the Darkness away to begin with, Lucifer told us that. So far we've found no way of doing this by ourselves. We could use all the help we can get. I'm guessing you don't want Amara out there anymore than we do."

"Do not presume to know what I want," Raphael snarled, but it sounded more like he was trying to be contrary. Dean could see the slight acknowledgement in his eyes that said he was actually considering how bad it could get if Amara went unfettered. He supposed that was a start.

Before their conversation could go on any longer, something akin to an explosion sounded through the bunker, coming from the entrance.

"The hell?" Dean demanded, finally breaking his gaze away from the angry archangel. Didn't they have enough to deal with for one day?

Gabriel made a face. "Figured he would show up at some point."

"Wait, who?" Sam asked, but Gabriel was already headed through the doorway to the main room.

Dean watched as the entrance at the top of the stairs flew open, with another explosive sound, revealing another figure, who lowered his hand, fierce light fading from his eyes. He quickly composed himself, tugging at the suit jacket he was wearing and strode purposefully into the bunker, looking around with unconcealed disdain.

"Brother," Raphael said, upon seeing him.

The new arrival, who Dean realized with a gulp had to be Michael, cocked his head with a scoffing expression as he looked down at the other archangels, while he strode down the stairs. "Well, I would expect to find Gabriel in a squalid hole like this, but you, Raphael? Much has happened since I have been away."

Gabriel grinned and spread his arms. "Come on, Mikey, bring it in."

The archangel brushed him aside as he came off the last step. Gabriel made a face behind his back that Michael probably caught but made no point in mentioning. Michael's new vessel looked like your typical American hero; tall, blond and a square, clean-shaven jaw—probably rippling muscles too. Dean couldn't help but be just a bit self-conscious, especially since he had been last year's model.

He soon realized that was the least of his worries as Michael finally turned his disdainful gaze toward him and Sam.

The disdain was instantly replaced with pure rage and before Dean could even react, Michael had flung a hand up and sent Sam flying back against a wall, hitting with a heavy whump.

"You!" Michael snarled. "Filthy little maggot!"

"Hey!" Dean yelled, but Michael, waved his other hand at him almost dismissively and Dean felt his chest explode with agony. He crumpled to his knees and could only watch in horror as Michael did his best to choke the life out of Sam who was still pinned to the wall, his own ribs feeling like they were being crushed inward.

"You know how many years I've dreamed of squeezing the life out of you?" Michael addressed Sam. "After what you did to me?"

"Michael!" Gabriel shouted, suddenly between his older brother and Sam, his angel blade making an appearance. "Stop this now."

"Stay out of this, Gabriel. You were not wrongly thrust into the Cage and held captive there for years!"

"No, but I do know that we need these two. If they stopped the apocalypse, and yeah, sorry if that's a sore point for you, bro, but if they were successful with that, then they may be our only hope of stopping the Darkness."

Dean watched with horror as Michael made no move to release Sam, only squeezing harder. Sam's strangled cry made Dean want to run to him, but he was stuck fast in a kneeling position, held by Michael's mojo, unable even to reach for a weapon. Of course that would probably have gotten him instantly smited.

"I have no interest in stopping the Darkness. Let her destroy the world; I don't much care for humanity. As long as I get the satisfaction of squashing these cockroaches myself!"

"Michael, you know it's not just the earth Aunty wants to destroy," Gabriel appealed. "She'd be more than happy to get rid of all of us too, and Heaven to boot. Do you really want that? The fall of Heaven to be on your head? Besides, you can't kill the Winchesters, don't you want the satisfaction of seeing them clean up their own mess?"

Michael's face twitched slightly, but he finally waved his hand and Sam collapsed unceremoniously onto the floor, gasping for breath. Dean, also free now, crawled over to him and settled a hand on his brother's heaving back, as he glared at Michael.

"Alright, listen up," Dean said, ignoring the burning glare he received from Michael at his tone. "If we're gonna do this, together, then we are gonna have to lay some ground rules out; first and foremost being no one kills anyone on the same side." The last thing he wanted to do was team up with the same people who had wanted to kill him and Sam since they'd met them, but they didn't exactly have a ton of options right now. He just hoped they had enough leverage to be able to keep Michael and-or Raphael from smiting them if they thought they had outlived their usefulness.

"Sounds like a fair rule, right, Michael?" Gabriel said, staring meaningfully at his brother.

"Fine," the eldest archangel said in a way that sounded like he seemed to think it was anything but. "We'll discuss the current problem and then we will see who is truly useful."

Dean helped Sam to his feet. "Okay then, so I guess that means we need to have a council of war?"

"Considering you two are, regrettably, the only ones who seem to know the full story, I will have to admit it is our best option," Raphael said with distaste.

"Okay, then, to the library, I guess?" Dean suggested, pasting a false smile on his face. "Anyone want a cold one?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam had seen a lot of weird things in his life, too many to really know how to categorize something actually 'weird' anymore, but there was something about watching three archangels have a continuous sibling's spat in your house, while at the same time worried two of them might decide to disintegrate him at any moment, that kind of blew his mind. Well, at least it made him want to blow his brains out.

Five minutes into the discussion after they had explained everything in as much detail as they were willing to share with someone who could be seen as potential enemies, he was pinching the bridge of his nose and accepting Dean's offering for a beer, wondering when it would be appropriate to have something stronger, while he listened to Michael do his best to put his younger brothers into place.

"I don't see why we have to rescue Lucifer at all," Raphael was saying blandly. "He escaped when he shouldn't have and now he provides a distraction to the Darkness which will give us time to plan her destruction."

Dean opened his mouth to protest, probably about Cas being in danger as well, but Gabriel shot him a look that clearly said 'shut up'. Sam agreed that it might be best to keep the other archangels out of the loop about Cas for now seeing as neither of them were huge fans. In fact, knowing Cas and Lucifer were one entity right now, they might just decide it was best to take out two birds with one stone and let Amara do what she wanted to them.

"I might be inclined to agree with you if we didn't need Lucifer's power to help stop her," Michael said. "As it is, we need all the manpower we can get and if that means our wayward brother, then we'll just utilize him as well as we can."

"Will he cooperate is the question," Raphael growled before he flicked a disdainful gaze toward Gabriel. "I've been wondering the same thing about him."

"Hey, you think I want Aunt Amara to crush earth? I'm actually one of the few of us left who even cares what happens to humanity. I know you two certainly wouldn't give a crap if she wasn't trying to destroy all of us too."

Michael glared across the table at him. "Gabriel, you have no right. You ran away the second you could and barely even showed your face during the apocalypse. And where were you this whole time? With the Pagans!"

"Well, in my defense, they were a lot more fun than you," Gabriel retorted, crossing his arms. "Michael, don't make me be the reasonable, mature one here. You know we need to put aside our differences and petty disputes so we can figure this out. There is no way we will win if we can't stand together. Amara will see our weakness and use it to tear us apart and the world too."

"What you call 'petty disputes' is a well-grounded grievance for me," Michael was quick to snap. "You have no idea what it was like being stuck in that cage, so I would ask you not to attempt to."

"Can we deal with your shell shock at a later date?" Gabriel asked. "So you got wrongly put away—boo-hoo, at least you didn't get stabbed by your own brother, and you don't see me opting out of finding him."

"Yes, and just why are you so eager, Gabriel?" Raphael asked him, looking suspicious. "I knew you had joined the side of the Winchesters, but I didn't realize you were this…friendly with them."

Gabriel shrugged. "What can I say? I've become pretty fond of this planet, and I don't want to see Amara destroy it. I mean, darkness all the time? Really? A bit dramatic at first, but just dull in the long run."

"And what if Lucifer doesn't want to work with us?" Raphael asked. "It would have been a pointless effort to waste getting him out."

"No, it's not," Gabriel insisted. "Besides, he's been with Amara for a week now being tortured non-stop, you really think he has a choice to refuse our offer? Look, Lucifer might have gotten out on his own, but like it or not, Dad brought the rest of us back for a reason, and I can only assume that's to work together to stop the Darkness. If He's not going to show up himself, then we're gonna have to pick up the slack."

"Where has all this faith come from so suddenly, Gabriel?" Michael demanded.

"Whether you want to accept it or not, I've changed a lot since I left, and I always loved my family, and the earth, and I don't want to see either destroyed. I think we need to do this. And afterward, we can all go our separate ways again."

Michael seemed to contemplate this, glancing toward Raphael. Finally, he stood up, buttoning his suit jacket. "Very well, but if Lucifer refuses to comply with our wishes, I will have no choice but to lock him away again. We cannot have another destructive force running loose on earth."

"Great! See it's not so hard to get along." Gabriel grinned as he leapt up from the table and clapped both his brothers on the back, making them even less amused. "Now that we've decided to do it, it's time to make plans. So, here's what I was thinking…"

Sam cast a look at Dean and they both wondered just how much help the archangels would prove to be after all.

"Dude, do you get the feeling we are totally screwed?" Dean asked.

Sam didn't answer, but he had to agree that his brother was probably right.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel wasn't entirely aware of anything fully at the moment. He didn't really remember much leading up to this point either. The last thing he recalled with any clarity had been Crowley unexpectedly showing up in his vessel, trying to explain to him that he needed to throw Lucifer out, but Castiel wasn't about to do that. Not now. This was the only way he could do anything to help in the coming fight: to serve as Lucifer's vessel, and he was not going to ruin their chances of stopping the Darkness now.

But then, she had them didn't she? Something had gone wrong and Amara had taken Lucifer and, in conjunction, Castiel captive. Castiel felt a sudden panic, hoping that Sam and Dean hadn't been hurt in the process, but she didn't really have a quarrel with them, only her brother, and she hoped that by torturing Lucifer, she could draw him out.

That must be why everything was so dark and numb, Castiel realized. Lucifer was somewhere screaming in agony. Castiel could feel it, feel the damage done to his vessel, and Amara's torments weren't simply targeted toward the archangel's being but Castiel's as well, and his already battered grace was taking a horrible beating that he wasn't entirely sure he would recover from. He wasn't sure he wanted to. But maybe he wouldn't have to worry about that much longer. He had remembered feeling pain at first, but now he didn't really feel it anymore. It had become something dull in the back of his mind like a long-forgotten memory. It was almost comforting in a way.

He opened his eyes and found that he was lying under a table in the kitchen of the bunker—the illusion of it in his mind, anyway. The whole place was looking a little destroyed. He couldn't remember how he had gotten onto the floor, but he didn't have the energy to get up either, so he decided to stay there and close his eyes again. Maybe if he just let himself fade away…

But no, he should at least see the fight out first, make sure the Winchesters survived, and then he could allow himself to maybe, finally, find some peace.

And maybe this time, he would not be sent back. Maybe this time, he would have finally atoned for the wrongs he had done.

It would be very nice to rest at long last.

 


	3. Hello Darkness My Old Friend

"I know we've had some really half-assed plans before, but this one just seems particularly stupid. I mean, is it just me?"

Sam looked across the table where Dean was checking his guns and weapons and putting them into his duffle bag. Sure, they both knew they wouldn't do jack against Amara, but Sam knew it at least made his brother feel better to be fully armed.

"No, but do we really have another choice?" Sam asked him. "I mean, sure we could go it alone like we were planning to, but we've already spent the time arguing the case with the archangels and we can't honestly refuse their help. I mean, we don't really have the luxury, do we?" What Sam didn't say, but what they both knew, was that since Dean couldn't hurt Amara for whatever reason, Sam would likely have been going it alone if it had come to a face-to-face, and survival for that didn't even fall into the category of wishful thinking. They couldn't rely on Lucifer for aid or Crowley for that matter, even though the King of Hell had been oddly helpful of late. So even though the archangels weren't their first choice of comrades, they were a literal Godsend and they couldn't really refuse their help now.

"I know," Dean said, as he viciously zipped up the bag. "But I don't know how I feel about you going in there with just those feathered dicks for backup. I mean both Michael and Raphael would kill you in an instant, and who does that leave to watch your back? Gabriel?"

"Hey, did you not see the performance I did earlier standing up for you ungrateful SOBs?" Gabriel asked, striding into the room. "Have a little faith, Deano. I solemnly swear I will not send you or your brother into a time loop, or a pocket dimension, or kill you for fun, are we good?"

"Honestly I don't think we have a better option," Dean grunted.

Gabriel's easy nonchalance dropped as he stepped closer to the brothers and lowered his voice. "You want the truth? Honestly, I'm not entirely thrilled with those two mooks getting in on this either. Sure, they're my brothers, and don't get me wrong, I love them; but that doesn't mean I like where there minds are either. I mean, Raphael is generally pissed, and being in the cage has kind of made Michael, ya know…" He whistled and twirled a finger beside his head. "And we all know Lucifer's problems. But the four of us are probably the only ones who have any hope at all of locking the Darkness back up where she belongs. Now, I'm not incredibly sentimental, but I had gotten rather fond of earth and its denizens over my time of exile and I don't want to see it destroyed. Really though, at the moment, my priorities lie with yours. I want to get Castiel back here and away from Lucifer. I don't like the idea of my big bro having his claws in Cas anymore than you do."

Sam was mildly surprised. "I thought you said you weren't sentimental."

Gabriel glared at him. "I love my family. Have I not explained this before? Besides, Cas is one of the good ones, and I would hate to see him get caught in the crossfire because of his own stupid decisions."

Sam looked down, the feeling of guilt for his previous words about Cas and his condition still eating at him with a major dose of regret. "I'm with you on that."

Dean shot him a vaguely incredulous look that only made Sam feel worse, but the elder Winchester nodded sharply in agreement. "Me too."

"But you understand this could get messy, both Michael and Raphael want him dead—even more than you two, if you can believe it," Gabriel said.

Dean swallowed hard. "Then how are we going to keep him safe?"

"Leave that to me," Gabriel told them. "We'll keep up the bluff for as long as we can. You just need to worry about being a charming chew toy to Amara."

"Yeah, about that," Sam interjected. "Are you sure the only way to do this is to get Dean to play bait?"

"He's the only one she'll even consider leaving her secret lair of evil for besides Dad, and I don't think he's going to be showing up anytime soon," Gabriel shrugged.

"Hey, I'm game if it will work," Dean said holding up his hands. "But I can't promise she won't know if something is up."

"Well, you'll just have to do your best and be your charming self," Gabriel grinned. "Seriously, though, if you don't we are all royally boned, so…"

"I get it," Dean grunted. "You don't need to remind me."

"Good, then I don't really see any reason to delay this any longer," Gabriel said, clapping his hands together. "Once more unto the breach and all that, right? We happy few?"

Dean snorted. "Yeah, not so much."

Michael chose that moment to stride into the room. He had been out scouting around for Amara's hideout. "Is everyone ready yet? We must enact the plan as soon as possible. I've managed to pin down a location, but Lucifer's energy is feeling weaker by the moment. We cannot afford for him to give in and join her side of things if she somehow manages to break him."

Gabriel snorted, crossing his arms. "Please, that's the least of our worries. Do you really think Luci would join up with Team Amara? Forget it. Could never stand anyone stealing his limelight, not even you."

Michael glared at him. "Either way, do you not wish to save our brother from further suffering?"

Gabriel looked down before he glanced briefly at Sam and Dean, letting them know he wasn't just thinking of Lucifer. "Yes."

"Then we shall go," Raphael appeared beside Michael and glared at Dean. "Call her, Winchester."

Dean lowered his brow. "Yeah, it's not exactly that easy. I've been trying to contact her for days and she hasn't so much as sent me a candy gram."

"Then how do you suggest to draw her out?" Michael asked impatiently.

"First I'm going to get out of the bunker and somewhere alone so she doesn't randomly show up and see all of you standing around," Dean replied. "Then I'm going to offer her a deal."

"With what leverage?" Michael asked skeptically. "She will hardly just hand Lucifer over to you, if she even bought into the idea that you cared enough to want him back."

"I'm not gonna ask for Lucifer," Dean said firmly.

"Then what?"

"Don't worry about it. It'll work," Dean said vaguely. "Trust me. Amara and I have an 'understanding' apparently, right?"

Sam watched Michael's face, sure that the archangel wasn't going to buy into that for a minute, but he surprised them all by giving a quick, impatient sigh and waving a hand.

"Fine, as long as whatever you have planned will distract her at least long enough for us to free Lucifer."

"Well, I guess I'll get going then," Dean said, hefting his bag of weapons that were worthless against the Darkness and heading toward the garage.

"I'll walk you out," Sam said quickly and followed his brother out to the Impala, away from the archangels.

"You're gonna ask her for Cas, aren't you?" Sam said, as Dean popped the trunk and threw the bag in.

"Yeah," Dean said. "It's the only thing she'll believe."

"And what are you going to offer in return?"

The hesitation on Dean's face made Sam's stomach turn sour. "Dean?"

His brother closed the trunk. "It doesn't really matter, does it? You and Team Righteous in there are gonna get Cas and Lucifer out and Amara's gonna hightail it back to ground zero when she realizes what happened and I'll haul ass back here to meet you. It's all gonna work out and nothing will come of it anyway."

Sam shook his head. "Dean, no, we promised not to keep secrets from each other, remember?"

Dean threw his hands up. "What do you want me to say, Sammy? You know what I'll tell her, you know the only thing I have to bargain with is myself. But she's not getting my sweet ass until she agrees with my terms and if she doesn't actually have Cas to hand over, then she has nothing to bargain with."

"I don't like this," Sam protested.

"Neither do I," Dean told him. "But this is all we have right now. If we can get Lucifer to join the team then we have all the pieces to this puzzle, and hopefully then we'll be able to put Amara away for good. Then we can finally concentrate on just putting ourselves back together, Cas too. Hell, Sam, I want my vacation! We are so going to the beach after this, just the three of us; no hunting, just sun, sand, and hot chicks in bikinis."

Sam smiled slightly. "I'd like that. So do me a favor and don't get killed."

"Aw, Sammy, you know I don't die easy," Dean told him with a smile. "Besides, I don't think Amara wants to kill me. Not that I'd be happy with whatever arrangement she does have for me…"

"Well, don't get tied up in her sex dungeon, then."

"Dude, did you have to go there? That's my kind of line." Dean winced in disgust as Sam shrugged with a small smirk. Dean sighed. "Guess there's no reason to delay. You be careful, Sam."

"Same to you," Sam told him and stepped back as Dean opened the door to the Impala, but he grabbed it before Dean could close it. "Dean…"

"What, you want a kiss goodbye?" Dean snarked, but raised his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for what Sam had to say.

"I just…I wanted to apologize for what I said before."

"Which time?" Dean asked blandly and Sam shot him a bitchface.

"About Cas. I didn't mean to imply I didn't care about him, because I do, a lot. He's our brother, right? I want him back as much as you do." Dean watched him, face expressionless but with a questioning look in his eyes. "I guess I am just still a bit sore about the point of making decisions and…and damning the consequences."

"You're still talking about the Trials?" Dean demanded, face hardening.

Sam shook his head. "Dean, you know I've forgotten that, forgiven you. We're even on that now. It's not about…choosing to go out for the greater good, or whatever, that wasn't what I was implying. I don't know where my head was when we were trying to exorcize Lucifer from Cas' vessel, I was just thinking of the endgame and I didn't mean for it to sound so harsh and like I didn't care about Cas. It's…it's hard for me having Lucifer back, having him around, I kind of…forget everything else—the important stuff. And I know we agreed to stop saving each other if it meant everyone else would suffer, but I never meant for that to translate as I didn't want Cas back."

Dean's expression softened slightly. "I get it. And I know you care about Cas too. So let's get this thing over with and get him back home, right?" Dean smiled and clapped Sam on the shoulder.

Sam smiled back. "Right."

"Now I gotta get before Michael comes out to whoop my ass," Dean said and got into the car, closing the door behind him and nodding to Sam who stepped away from the Impala as Dean peeled out of the garage.

Sam watched him drive off, the taillights disappearing into the tunnel, before he headed back inside. Despite Dean's assurances, Sam had a feeling this wasn't going to go as smoothly as planned.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean drove down the highway from where the bunker sat and eventually pulled over into the woods. While it probably wasn't really far enough away to keep Amara from leveling the nearest towns if she wanted to, Dean hoped it was at least remote enough to not attract attention. Dean hadn't thought to ask Michael how far away Amara's secret lair was, but he could only hope that there would be at least one archangel who would be able to airlift Sam out of there when they were done. He wasn't really interested in any prolonged discussions with Michael who, as Gabriel had said, was kind of frighteningly off his rocker. Just how much so, Dean didn't really feel like hazarding a guess, especially since Michael had a huge grudge against Sam and Dean was trusting him to watch his little brother's back. Easier said than done. Half the time he hadn't trusted his own father to watch Sam's back sufficiently enough for him.

Dean supposed he was just going to have to trust Gabriel. He didn't really want to have to, but Gabriel hadn't screwed them over before when he had kind of died to get them out of that hotel and keep Lucifer off their backs, so he was willing to bet that the archangel would stick up for them again. At least he seemed interested in getting Cas back.

And on that topic, Gabriel hadn't been lying about Michael and Raphael's hatred of the fallen angel either. Dean wondered how bad it was going to be for Cas when the two finally found out about him—and they would, probably as soon as they were face to face with Lucifer. Cas' safety, however, Dean wasn't quite as worried about. Speaking as a big brother himself, he knew he could trust Gabriel to look after Cas and make sure he got back in one piece, or at least not damaged any further than he already had been.

Dean sighed and finally got out of the car, he wanted to grab his bag of weapons and tuck them strategically into his clothing, but he knew they wouldn't do any good against Amara, and figured that if he was coming to her with 'sincerity' no matter how false it was, it would be a show of good faith to come unarmed.

So he left his weapons and traveled further into the woods, to a clearing that was lit in the golden light of midmorning, birds singing in the trees, and squirrels chittering as they looked for nuts, overall it seemed like a place that could never be touched by the kind of oblivion that Amara wanted to unleash upon the earth. Dean wondered what it would be like for everything to just be a void, nothing. He didn't think he would like it at all. Even when he had been suffering from the emotional trauma after Hell, and with the Mark and every other time he had been dealing with crap that threatened to break him into a million pieces, he still never would have traded that feeling of life, for nothing. It was the pain that had given him something to hold on to and pull himself through—giving him the only indication he was still kicking. If there was nothing, he didn't think he would have the will to go on. What Amara called bliss, was almost worse than hell in Dean's mind.

But they weren't going to let that happen, and the battle started today, getting Lucifer away from Amara and saving Cas into the bargain. And none of that was going to happen if Dean didn't somehow convince her to show up that day.

Easier said than done. He looked out at the forest, unsure how to really go about this. Maybe he had been doing it wrong before. Or maybe Amara had simply been ignoring him. He was never sure how she always found him, but he hoped that something good could come from their weird psychic connection thing so he shrugged and took a deep breath and started talking.

"Amara? I'm not sure if you can hear me but, um, I'd like to talk to you. I—I want to make a deal with you, okay? Can we talk?"

The birds still flitted between the trees and nothing else stirred in the woods. Dean sighed and turned around, running a hand through his hair. "Okay, here's how it is, I want Cas back. He's stuck sharing a vessel with Lucifer, and he doesn't deserve to get caught in the crossfire of your family feud, so if you give him to me, I'll make it worth your while." He turned around again. "Come on, Amara, I know you can hear me."

"I'm here, Dean, what is it you wanted to discuss?"

Dean turned around and saw Amara standing there in the clearing, in one of the only shadowed places, eerily beautiful, aloof and calm as always. Dean swallowed hard, knowing he had to sell this, and strode over to her.

"Let's talk terms, Amara," he said.

She smiled, genuinely pleased. "I was hoping you would see things my way eventually, Dean. Now, what terms do you wish to discuss?"

~~~~~~~~~

Sam landed with the archangels on the outskirts of an old railroad yard. This was the location Michael had tracked Lucifer to and Amara had apparently just vacated the area, so it looked like their plan was going well so far at least.

Gabriel raised his eyebrows. "Huh, and here I was expecting an abandoned warehouse. This is a nice change up."

"We don't have time for your jokes, Gabriel, let us go rescue our brother," Raphael said and began to stride forward, Michael on his heels.

Gabriel shared a look with Sam and the two followed the other archangels.

"We won't have long before she returns," Michael was saying. "I can't imagine Dean will be able to keep her occupied for very long as he really has no idea what he's dealing with. We must work fast and follow the plan as decided."

"Agreed," Sam said, a pit forming in his stomach at the thought of Dean being alone somewhere with Amara and essentially helpless since he couldn't harm her. What Sam didn't know was whether it ran both ways, or if what she had planned for his brother wasn't something worse than death.

Sam pulled out an angel blade and readied himself as they went to enter the building Michael was leading them to, not knowing whether Amara might have any minions running around.

"You go low, I'll go high," Gabriel said to Sam as he pulled out his own angel blade.

Sam couldn't help the chuckle, pointedly looking downward at the shorter man. "Should have picked a taller vessel."

"Some ladies don't like to climb, Sammich," Gabriel wagged his eyebrows at the younger Winchester and Sam snorted, shaking his head. If Dean ever got over Gabriel icing him a million times, and realized they had a lot in common, the two of them would probably be good friends.

Michael and Raphael waited at the doors to the building and Sam and Gabriel readied themselves to cover their entrance. They opened the doors and strode in, quickly glancing around, ready for any trap that might be set.

"Clear," Gabriel said, lowering his blade only slightly. "Now where…?"

"Well, well, would you look at the rescue party."

Sam looked up with the others and saw Lucifer on the far side of the room, sprawled spread-eagled against a railcar. The fallen archangel looked pretty worse for wear. Sam winced as he saw that Cas' suit and coat were filthy and covered in blood and singe marks, the shirt was ripped open, revealing the wounds and burns that covered Lucifer's chest and continued up his neck to his face. He stared at them all with a crooked smile. "My heroes." He lolled his head toward Sam and winked. "Hey, Sammy, bet you never thought you'd go on a rescue mission to save little old me, did you? Amazing how things can never really stay black and white, huh?"

Sam swallowed hard, trying to quell the fear that always welled up in his stomach when he saw Lucifer. It didn't matter that he was in Cas' vessel and using his friend's vocal chords, it was still Lucifer and Sam couldn't help the traumatizing memories his presence brought back.

Lucifer sighed and rolled his eyes. "Always took you a while to talk, I know. Baby steps. I know you care, Sam."

"Lucifer," Michael said, a vague snarl in his voice as he stepped forward.

"Good to see you too, Michael, but can we forget what I did to you in the cage for a little bit and just get me out of here?" Lucifer wriggled slightly to make a point. "Love the new vessel, by the way. What are you supposed to be, Captain America?"

"Guys, can we speed this up? We don't have long!" Gabriel cautioned.

Lucifer eyes' found him next. "Well, look at this? What, did Dad get the whole band back together? Hey, bro. No hard feelings I hope?"

Gabriel smiled sharply. "Not the first person who stabbed me, Luci. I won't hold it against you."

Raphael stepped forward with a frown. "Wait. Your vessel…"

Lucifer's head lolled toward Raphael. "Like it? You may recognize it…I've got a new roommate."

Sam's heart pounded in his chest, and he was about to step forward to stop the conversation but it was already too late. Michael was snarling, his blade whipping out and pricking Lucifer's throat.

"I knew there was something strange about your aura. You're sharing space with that traitor Castiel!"

Lucifer smirked. "Yep. Poor sap wanted to be useful, atone for some of his many sins, and so he gave me the big okay, so I could ride him out of Hell. Not my first choice, but Sammy here wasn't exactly willing."

Sam fought to keep his anger in check, but thankfully Gabriel spoke first.

"This changes nothing, Michael, we need to get Lucifer out of here now before Amara realizes that something is wrong."

Michael turned to Gabriel, a glint of uncontrolled anger in his eyes. "I'm sorry, who is the leader of this operation, Gabriel?"

"Oh, here we go," Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"Hm, let me guess—you?" Gabriel snarked. "Because it's not like you haven't mentioned it a million times."

"I know you had sentiments regarding Castiel and the other miscreants in the garrison, but you were not present at the Apocalypse, Gabriel. You do not know what he did. He helped the abomination, Sam Winchester throw both Lucifer and myself into the cage! Do not try to understand!"

"Bring any popcorn, Sammy? This is gonna get good!" Lucifer told Sam. The younger Winchester knew they needed to speed this up and so he took a chance and stepped forward to stand at Gabriel's shoulder, holding a hand out pleadingly.

"Guys, come on, we can argue this out later when we're back in the bunker, but right now we need to go. Lucifer, how are you bound?" Sam couldn't see any ropes or chains, and yet the archangel seemed stuck.

"It's a powerful spell," Gabriel answered for him. "I can probably crack it if you give me a minute." He started forward, but Michael stood in his way, glaring daggers at the younger archangel and looking like he was about to blow steam from his nose. "Michael, step aside."

Michael glared him down for a few more seconds before he finally stepped aside and Gabriel strode the last few feet to Lucifer who gazed down at him with a small pout.

"Hope you know what you're doing, little brother. I wouldn't want you to accidently explode me. You must hold some kind of grudge for me actually killing you. Should I say I'm sorry?"

Gabriel tugged none-too-gently on one of his arms in experimentation before he leaned close. Sam almost didn't catch what he said, but he heard the gist of it.

"Honestly, Luci, I think that you made your bed and that you deserve to lie in it. But I'm not gonna let Castiel suffer because he made a dumb mistake. So you're safe from me at least until I figure out what to do with him."

Lucifer cooed. "Aw, Gabriel, always were a bleeding heart."

Gabriel ignored him and started chanting in Enochian. Sigils began to glow in a circle around Lucifer and Sam watched as Gabriel studied them.

"Can you break it?" Sam asked.

"It's warding on top of warding. I'm going to have to take down the walls a bit at a time," Gabriel told him just as the few lights in the building began to flicker and burn out one by one. Everyone looked up, readying their weapons as a wind blew through the building, clattering the doors and the paneling.

"Oh crap," Lucifer sighed. "You alerted Aunty. Nice knowing ya."

They all spun around as the doors flew open and Amara strode through, anger clouding her features.

"I thought I felt some strong angelic auras," she said as she studied the four archangels. "It's a shame that my brother brought you all back just for me to kill you."

She raised her hands and everyone braced for destruction.

~~~~~~~~~

Dean tried to force his nervousness down, couldn't give her a tell that he was just there as a distraction. He was usually so good at hiding everything, but for some reason, Amara laid him bare more than he wanted to admit and the feeling of calm he experienced around her made no difference to his inner anxiety. "I just want you to let Cas go free. Take Lucifer out of his vessel and give him back to us. I'll give you whatever you want in return."

Amara cocked her head to one side, genuine confusion on her face. "Why would you care so much about that fallen angel? He's hardly any use to you anymore. He is very much used up. He would only be a burden to you now."

Dean's anger flared in his chest and his fist clenched. "It doesn't matter whether Cas is at full power or not. He's like a brother to me—and I get that might be a sore subject for you right now, but you do understand what it's like to care about someone like that, right? You must have loved your brother at some point."

Amara's face darkened and she strode toward him until they were only a few feet away from each other. "My brother betrayed me, locked me away. That was what he gave me for the love I showed him."

Dean swallowed hard. "Yeah, well, I've done some things I regret too, treated both Cas and Sam badly. That's what family does. You make mistakes, but that doesn't mean you love each other any less at the end of the day. Sometimes you just have to work a little harder to get through stuff."

Her jaw tightened and she turned away from him slightly, showing her profile. "If I did give him back to you what would you really care? You know what I will ask in return, and you know what is coming. Either way, Dean, you won't see him, or Sam, again if you come with me."

"I know that," Dean replied. "But it's not about me, it's about Cas. About giving him a second chance. It's my fault he said yes to Lucifer, and if this is the only way I can fix it, then I'm willing to give it a go."

Amara frowned, turning back to him. "You really do care about him, don't you? How curious."

Dean clenched his hands at his sides to keep them from shaking. "Please, Amara. Cas and Sam deserve a second chance. It was my fault all this happened to begin with, I should be the one to pay for my mistake, not them."

Amara opened her mouth to speak when something suddenly came over her features, anger clouding her eyes. She strode forward and shocked Dean by grabbing his throat.

"What are you really doing here?" she demanded. "Answer me!"

"As-asking for a d-deal," Dean choked out, grunting as she raised him onto his toes.

"No," she shook her head, realization sharpening her dark eyes. "No, you're just distracting me. You're trying to take me for a fool!" She threw Dean onto the ground and he sprawled onto his back, instinctively reaching for the one knife he had kept in his jacket.

"Amara, please, just hear me out!" he tried.

"No," she said, glaring at him. "Trick me again, Dean, and I will take away everything you care about." And then she was gone.

"Dammit!" Dean shouted into the forest and hauled himself to his feet, sprinting toward the Impala and grabbing his phone to call Sam at the same time.

He hoped the archangels would be able to handle themselves, because if they couldn't they were all dead.

~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing Sam thought about was what had happened to Dean. Amara didn't have him with her, so where was he? He hoped his brother was still alive. The second thing he thought was how the hell were they going to get out of there alive?

"You think you can stop me again?" Amara asked as she strode forward, strands of darkness swirling around her as she got ready to use them in battle. "You really think you can pull the same stunt as you did before? Tricking me, locking me away? No." A crackle of energy went through the room and everyone scattered as Amara's powers surged toward them.

Michael stepped forward, blade held at the ready. "You will not triumph, Amara. The world is not yours for the taking."

Amara looked at him boredly. "Michael. You always did like to think you were in charge, didn't you?"

She flicked a hand at him and flung him several yards across the floor. Sam ducked to avoid being hit by the archangel, and Raphael went to aid his brother in the fight.

"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, Michael, I'm betting on you!" Lucifer called as the fight commenced. "Hey, Gabe, you getting anywhere with that. I think we kinda need to haul ass, like, yesterday."

Gabriel ignored him as he continued chanting. Several of the sigils burned out, and it looked like Lucifer was hanging a little heavier.

Sam wasn't sure where to offer his aid, not wanting to get in the way of the brawling archangels but not able to help Gabriel either. Instead he jerked his phone from his pocket as it rang. He put it to his ear and answered. "Dean?"

"Sammy, she's on the way," Dean said breathless, and Sam could hear the roar of the Impala's engine in the background.

"She's here," Sam said and winced as Raphael flew through the air and smacked into he side of an abandoned train car, denting the metal.

Dean cursed violently. "Where are you? How far away?"

Sam quickly looked up his GPS coordinates. Lucifer watched.

"Hey, is there an app for getting me off this thing?" he snarked. "Tell Dean I said hi, by the way."

Several more sigils burned out, more than half of them gone now. Lucifer's knees buckled as if his legs were free and he groaned.

Sam quickly gave Dean the coordinates. "Dean, you're not gonna get here in time for anything. We're gonna have to meet you back at the bunker."

Dean cursed again, and was about to say something when Sam was hit from behind and sent sprawling on the floor, his phone skidding across the ground.

He tried to regain his breath as he saw that Michael had been thrown on top of him. The eldest archangel growled and flung himself to his feet again, hand held out as power gathered and crackled around him. His wings formed shadows behind him that crackled with electric energy and made the air around him hot. Sam's hair stood on end from the static as he crawled backwards.

Amara laughed. "You think you can stop me with your miniscule power?" she asked, summoning more darkness and letting it build around above her like a storm cloud. "The entire garrison couldn't kill me."

Michael snarled and shot a bolt of smiting power at her, taking her in the chest and flinging her back several feet. Amara gasped in shock, but stood her ground, panting.

"You want to play rough, Michael?"

"Ooh, you don't want to play rough, Michael, trust me," Lucifer commented, pulling a face.

"Try it!" Michael yelled before Raphael gripped his shoulder.

"Brother, this is suicide!" the other archangel tried but Michael wasn't listening.

"No, I can match her!" Michael said before he was pounded by Amara's black smoke and flung across the building.

"Got it!" Gabriel said as the last of the sigils burned out and Lucifer slumped to the ground. The youngest archangel bent to help his wounded brother up and Sam, swallowing his apprehension, went to help him, pulling one of Lucifer's arms over his shoulders.

"There, see, I knew you cared, Sam," Lucifer grinned, coughing and slumping even more.

"We need to get out of here," Sam told Gabriel.

"Yep," the archangel said and looked over his shoulders. "I'm calling a retreat! Our work here is done." And then he reached around Lucifer to grip Sam's shoulder and in another instant they were back in the bunker's library.

Gabriel unceremoniously dumped Lucifer into one of the chairs by the table. The wounded archangel groaned and slumped back.

"A little bedside manner, brother?" he quipped.

"Are Michael and Raphael going to come back?" Sam asked, glancing around, half expecting the two other archangels to appear at any moment.

"They'll be here," Gabriel said before turning back to Lucifer. "But first, you got some 'splaing to do, Luci."


	4. Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here

The front entrance screeched open and Dean came storming down the stairs, his angry and helpless expression changing to one of relief as he saw that Sam was in one piece. Gabriel watched as he threw his duffle bag to the ground and ran a hand through his hair.

"Thank God," Dean grunted. "I was sure you were all dead."

"Aw, thanks for the sentiments," Lucifer said with a wide smile.

Dean shot him a glare before giving Sam the once over and seeming pleased enough to see that he hadn't been injured.

"Don't worry, Deano," Gabriel drawled. "I got both our baby bros out of there as promised. But what happened? Can't you please a lady?"

"She called my bluff," Dean gritted out angrily. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to hold her for longer."

"Don't worry about it, Dean," Sam said calmly. "We got Lucifer and Cas and that's all that matters, right?"

"Yeah," Dean said, looking around. "Where's Michael and Raphael?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Dick One and Dick Two are off playing with Aunty Amara. Michael freaked and seemed to think he could take her single-handedly."

"Dammit," Dean muttered. "And what if she obliterates them? Where are we then?"

"Relax, you still have me," Lucifer smiled benignly. "I guess you didn't realize how messed up poor Mikey is. My bad…"

"Would you just shut up for a sec?" Gabriel demanded.

"Now the question is what do we do about Cas?" Dean said in no uncertain terms.

"Relax, Dean, you know that's my priority," Gabriel said. "I've got a few ideas."

He wasn't able to relate them to the Winchesters though, before Michael and Raphael appeared in the middle of the room, Raphael gripping their brother by the back of his jacket, Michael's well-tailored suit looking much the worse for wear. Michael instantly spun around, practically snarling at Raphael.

"Why would you do that? I was handling her."

"You were not, brother," Raphael said blandly. "She would have killed you, had I not pulled you out. Today was not our day to fight."

Michael spun around and spotted Dean as a new object to receive his anger.

"You," he growled, striding toward the elder Winchester. "Why didn't you detain her?" He grabbed Dean's coat and slung him onto the table as Sam shouted in anger and reached for his angel blade.

"Michael!" Gabriel snapped, striding over and giving is older brother a hard shove in the chest as Sam quickly retrieved his brother. "Hey, remember, this is a neutral zone. You do not attack anyone here. Now cool off!"

Michael stood breathing hard, and shoved a finger into Gabriel's chest with a snarl. "You're one to talk, Gabriel! You who ran off before the fight was finished! We could have all taken the Darkness there and been done with it, but instead you leave me to fight alone like the coward you always were!"

"Hey!" Gabriel snapped, shoving a finger fight back at him. "You're the one who broke protocol and attacked. Our mission was to get Lucifer out of there, not to get ourselves ganked by Amara. We're not ready for that yet, so chillax and get your head together."

Michael opened his mouth, but Gabriel stood firm and after several more deep breaths, he finally seemed to calm down and regain his composure. He cleared his throat and smoothed his hands down his suit, using his grace to clean and unwrinkled it, back to his pristine self. It almost made Gabriel want to hurl.

"Of course. I forgot myself." He turned to Lucifer. "I will heal you now, brother."

"Gee, thanks, was wondering when you'd get to that. Nice to feel loved," Lucifer batted his eyelashes. He was trying to hide how much pain he was in, but Gabriel knew he was suffering. He could see how damaged his grace was, and even worse, how faint Castiel's was beside it. But he couldn't allow Michael to heal him yet. He had to enact his plan while Lucifer was still too weak to put up a fight.

"Wait," Gabriel said, holding up his hand as Michael stepped forward to heal Lucifer.

"What?" the oldest archangel demanded impatiently.

"Yeah, are you just going to let me suffer here, little brother?" Lucifer asked wryly.

"First, we discuss Castiel," Gabriel replied in no unfamiliar terms. The Winchesters cast him a grateful look

Raphael sneered. "There is nothing to discuss, brother. Nothing except that Castiel will suffer the consequences of his actions."

Dean stepped forward, opening his mouth, but Gabriel held up a hand to warn him against anything. The last thing they needed was for Michael to smite Amara's favorite boy toy. "You two may not give a rat's ass what happens to Castiel, but I do."

"I suppose it only makes sense you would care," Michael said, flippantly enough, but with an underlying cut. Oh how Gabriel hadn't missed that. "After all, it's likely your attention and fondness to him that corrupted him to rebellious ways in the first place. It happened with the other fledglings you took in your charge; Anna, Balthazar…"

Gabriel snorted. "Please. I liked them because they had a spark where so many others didn't; it made them more interesting. I never fanned the flame, and I certainly didn't force them into anything. That would be against my principles of thinking for yourself."

Michael made a disgusted noise. "Still, your misplaced affections aside, Castiel fully rebelled from heaven and is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of our brothers and sisters, by his own hand or otherwise."

"Like you haven't made mistakes?" Gabriel scoffed. "Why do you think Cas did this in the first place, let Luci have full use of his vessel? He's been self-inflicting penance on himself for years for what he did, isn't that enough to give him a second chance?" He looked between his brothers, seeing something there in underlying the argument. A smiled curled up one side of his mouth. "Or, wait, I get it, he did something to you chuckleheads, didn't he?"

The expressions on Michael and Raphael's faces and the sudden stiffness of their spines told all. Gabriel chuckled in delight. "Oh, is that a sore spot I hit? He did, didn't he? What happened? Cas bitchslap you or something?"

"He killed me," Raphael said blandly.

"So? Lucifer stabbed me in the chest and I'm not crying to Dad about it. I'm willing to sack up and put aside past differences to get the job done."

"And he Molotoved me with holy oil," Michael added with a sneer.

"He also called you assbutt," Dean added, unable to help himself, a bit of what Gabriel took to be pride in his voice.

Gabriel guffawed. "Assbutt? Really? Oh, I love the kid even more now."

"This is over, Gabriel, stop this foolishness at once," Michael said. "Let me heal our brother and then we are going to find a way to stop the Darkness so we can get back to the important task of fixing Heaven."

"It's always about duty with you, isn't it?" Gabriel said bitterly, all his humor disappearing. Michael always managed to do that to him so quickly. "And yet, there was never any of that duty toward your family. You were always so full of yourself, all of you. Hardly ever looking at the lesser angels but to command them for your own purposes, making sure they were doing what they were supposed to and doling out punishments when they weren't. But I actually took the time to get to know them, to interact with them and treat them like brothers and sisters are supposed to be treated and I think in the long run it made me a better angel."

"A better angel," Raphael scoffed. "That is a jest, Gabriel. You are an outcast and a pariah. Joining with the pagans."

"What can I say? A little healthy rebellion never goes amiss. At least I didn't try to rule the world like Luci—or you for that matter, Raphael, trying to start Apocalypse 2.0 and thus forcing Cas to do anything and everything he could to stop you. Yeah, the Winchesters and I had a little chat about what's been going on before you showed up. If anyone is to bear the blame for Cas' downfall, it's you."

"Castiel had fallen long before that," Raphael commented.

"You were always too much of a bleeding heart," Michael told him with disgust clear in his voice.

"And is that such a bad thing? Just because I actually have the capacity to care doesn't make me a bad angel, Michael. Are we not supposed to have compassion along with all that righteous wrath?"

"I don't know why I ever bother," Michael shook his head scathingly. "I forgot how tedious arguing with you was. I suppose it will do little harm anyway. Heal your wayward plaything if it will at least stop your complaining."

Gabriel gave them a longsuffering smile. "It's called reasoning, Mikey, you may want to try it sometime." He turned to Lucifer. "I need permission to go in to retrieve Castiel."

"Woah, wait," Dean said, stepping forward. "You're taking Cas out? Where's he gonna go? Shouldn't we just get rid of Lucifer?"

"Hey, I'm right here," Lucifer quipped.

"Like it or not, we still need Lucifer, and since Castiel's vessel is strong enough to contain him, it's probably best we leave him where he is for now. Unless Sam wants to offer himself up for the position." Gabriel actually felt bad at the shudder that passed through Sam's body, especially when Lucifer blew a kiss to him. Even Gabriel wasn't going to blame the kid for not being over rooming with the devil.

Seeing the uncertain looks on the Winchesters' faces, Gabriel turned to Lucifer with a warning glare. "Which means that if you in any way damage that vessel beyond repair, I will personally Molotov you with holy oil—after I rip you out of it, of course. You may use it until we defeat the Darkness and then it goes right back to Cas, capisce?"

Lucifer pouted solemnly and made an X over his heart. "Cross my heart."

"But where are we going to put Cas?" Sam asked, following up Dean's previous question. "He can't just…sit around in his true form or whatever, can he? I mean, angels aren't any different than demons on this plane are they? They need a body, and not everyone is qualified."

"No, and he won't have to just sit around," Gabriel said. "He's going to room with me for a while."

"In your vessel?" Dean asked, eyes wide.

"No, in my Louis Vuitton handbag." Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Yeah, genius. Just like he is right now with Lucifer, but I'll make sure he's safe and cared for. Also, he's probably going to need some healing done. This will make it a quicker job if I can share some of my energy with him and all he has to do is relax."

Dean and Sam shared a look, but seemed to decide they didn't hate the idea because Dean finally nodded, if reluctantly. "Okay, if it will be the best thing for him."

"It's the only thing we can do right now. So," he turned to the wounded archangel. "Now, you just need to let me in to get him, Lucifer."

"Why should I?" Lucifer drawled.

"Lucifer," Michael snapped. "Just do it. Allow Gabriel his little hobbies if that's what he wishes to waste his time with."

Lucifer glared at Michael for a long moment, before rolling his eyes and slumping back in his chair. "Fine, be my guest."

Gabriel sat down, and nodded to the others. "Be right back, fellas." Then he left his vessel and joined Lucifer and Castiel.

Once inside, he could fully see the damage Amara had wrought on Castiel's vessel. First of all, he noticed that the inside was a mirror of the bunker, but it looked trashed, like a cyclone had gone through it. Books flung haphazardly over the library, tables and chairs overturned, glass smashed. Gabriel made his way carefully over a pile of books and looked around, wondering where Cas was.

He spotted Lucifer first; his brother was lounging on a couch, trying to pretend he didn't look like hammered crap, still in the appearance of his old vessel. His eyes opened into slits, and he gave Gabriel a cheeky wave, but ignored him otherwise. Gabriel did the same, knowing he would get no help from his brother, and instead continued his search.

"Castiel? Hey, where are you?" His shoe crunched in broken glass and he vaguely wondered whether the state of Castiel's "mind palace" was a result of Amara's torments or a reflection of his mental state. He really hoped it was the former otherwise Cas was in more trouble than he had thought.

He made his way to the kitchen, which was the next on his stop and glanced in, not really thinking he would find Cas there. However, he spotted a heap of tan trench coat lying halfway under the table, and he swallowed hard, a sick lump forming in his stomach.

"Castiel?" he called, heading into the room, bypassing the broken dishes and busted television set that was lying on the floor, to crouch down and look under the table. Castiel was there, looking pretty bad off. Not quite as bad as Lucifer, thankfully, but still, enough to be worrisome. Especially since Castiel's injuries didn't have anything to do with the physical. His grace was so faded and frayed, Gabriel wondered if Lucifer had been using Cas as some kind of shield. If he had been, Gabriel would give his brother a piece of his mind. Not to mention a few new perforations with his angel blade.

Gabriel reached out and propped Castiel's face up in his hands, holding it gently between his palms. "Cassie, come on, kiddo. Open you eyes for me."

Castiel's eyes cracked open slightly with a small moan of protest but when he saw who was crouching over him, they flew open wider.

"G-Gabriel?" he mumbled.

Gabriel changed his grip so he was holding him by the shoulders as he smiled. "Yep, it's me in the flesh."

"What…what are you doing here?" Castiel looked around in confusion. "Am I…dead? Is it over?"

Gabriel's heart broke at the sound of hopefulness in Castiel's voice. "No, Cas, you're still alive. Barely anyway. We saved you and Lucifer from Amara."

"But…why are you here. How are you alive?"

"Dad brought me and Michael and Raphael back to help fight the Darkness."

"But why are you in my vessel?"

Gabriel forced a smile, trying to be patient even though all he wanted to do was get the kid out of there and someplace safe where he could start healing him. "Hate to say it but you're not doing so hot, kiddo. I came to take you out of here, get you somewhere safe for a while. You can room with me, okay?"

"In—in your vessel?" Castiel frowned.

"Yep, I got a nice little cozy spot for you where you can sleep off what ails you."

Castiel shook his head, pulling away from Gabriel suddenly, crawling out from under the table. "No, I have to stay here. I have to help fight the Darkness."

Gabriel grabbed him again, catching him under the arms as Castiel tried to stand and couldn't. "No way, kiddo, not this time. You've done enough, your job now is to rest and get better."

"Gabriel, you don't understand, I have to do this. I have to do something to earn my keep. This is the only thing I can do!"

Castiel's distress only broke Gabriel's heart further, and he shook his brother sharply. "Hey, shut up for a minute. You don't need to do crap to earn your keep. Let us take care of things for once, okay? Your big bros have got it. Not that I have total confidence in Michael and Raphe, or Luci for that matter, but they can handle the fighting well enough, even if they're all dicks about everything else. But that's why I'm taking responsibility for healing you."

"What about Sam and Dean?" Castiel asked suddenly. "I think they tried to get Lucifer out, what if they send him back before you can defeat Amara?"

"They're on board, and boy, they're just as worried about you as I am. In fact, they're waiting out there for me to get you out of here. It would sure help them focus if they knew you were safe." Maybe if he could convince Cas it was best for his friends, he would be more willing to listen to his brother. Gabriel wasn't above manipulation.

Castiel seemed to consider this, expression conflicted.

"And don't worry," Gabriel added. "We'll make sure you get back into your own vessel when this is all over. Lucifer has no claim to it."

Castiel looked down at his hands tucked into his lap for a long moment before he looked back up to meet Gabriel's eyes. "You…said Sam and Dean were worried?"

Gabriel gave him a fond smile. "They really care about you, kiddo. They may have made a few mistakes in the past, I'm not even sure what all of them are, but I know they care about you like family."

Castiel slumped again, but this time there looked to be a little relief in his stance. "And you'll…you'll let me help if I'm needed?"

"If you're up for it, sure, but I'm not making any promises until I give you my prognosis," Gabriel told him. "You coming? You got a full invite into Casa Gabriel—it's a once in a lifetime opportunity."

Castiel finally nodded, looking exhausted and almost defeated. "Alright, I'll come."

Gabriel tried to keep the relief off his face as he stood and pulled Castiel up with him. "Alrighty then! Let's blow this pop stand!"

He pulled Castiel with him out of Lucifer's vessel and into his own, creating as he went a luxurious bedroom with a huge bed complete with copious pillows and a feather duvet. Castiel nearly fell to the floor as they got there and Gabriel simply picked him up and walked the few steps to the bed, lowering him gently onto it. Castiel didn't even bother to protest, a testament to the poor state he was in.

"What is this?" Castiel asked tiredly, looking around.

"It's your room, your very own little pocket dimension—and I promise nothing is going to try to kill you this time. Sorry about that, by the way," Gabriel said, more sheepishly than he usually allowed—though the TV land had been genius, you had to admit. "It's equipped for whatever you need: hot baths, big screen—even girls to help massage the aches away if you want 'em."

"I would like to rest," Castiel replied nonplused.

"Suit yourself. But let me see what damage has been done before I head back up." Gabriel frowned in concentration as he put a hand to the younger angel's forehead to assess the state of his grace. He realized with a sinking feeling that it was far more serious than he had thought. He finally realized why Cas' aura had seemed so weak. It looked like not all of his grace was there. This troubled Gabriel a lot. What could have caused that? Had Lucifer stolen it for himself? He couldn't do anything about it just then though, and he didn't want to alarm Castiel either when he was already so weak.

"I can't heal you all at once, I'm afraid," he told his little brother. "Amara must have done a number on you two. But I'll do a session each day. For now, just get some rest." He hadn't finished speaking before Castiel was out, breathing deeply. Gabriel touched his cheek and pushed a little healing into him, again feeling the weakness of the lesser angel's grace as it met his own. It wasn't all there, that was for sure, and upon further exploration, he had the suspicion that it had been like that even before the whole Lucifer fiasco. Gabriel frowned, deciding that was a question he was going to want answered at a later date, but for now, he was content with making sure Castiel was simply being taken care of. And he was definitely going to keep him safe.

"Okay, kiddo, I'll be back to check on you later." He exchanged Castiel's current outfit with a t-shirt and sweatpants with a snap of his fingers to make him more comfortable and then pulled the thick duvet over top of his sleeping figure. Then Gabriel locked the pocket dimension room and warded it so that even if he were injured in the upcoming battle, Castiel would feel none of the effects. Lucifer never would have done the same. He probably would have even gone so far as to use Cas as a shield.

Finally, after double-checking the warding, he opened his eyes to see the others staring at him, Sam and Dean especially.

"Is Cas all right?" Dean asked.

"Not sure 'all right' is the appropriate term here," Gabriel couldn't help but say a bit bitingly.

"What do you mean by that?" Dean demanded.

"Well, of course he's not all right," Gabriel replied with a glare. "He's been bunk buddies with Lucifer—you know what that's like, Sam—not to mention what Amara did to them both. But I'll make sure he's okay." This he made sure to direct at his brothers, who were still unamused with the entire situation.

"So he'll be alright?" Sam asked for both him and Dean.

"He's been put through the shredder, but, yeah, I can heal him. Physically, at least. But he's gonna need some serious therapy when this is all over."

Dean and Sam didn't reply to this, and, worse, looked entirely guilty. Yeah, Gabriel was totally going to need to get the full story on this whole situation. But as much as he hated to admit it, that could wait. Right now they had other things to worry about. They couldn't ignore that Amara was a genuine threat and that, if earth was going to survive the immediate future, they would have to figure out what to do with her sooner rather than later.

Michael finally stepped forward and pressed his fingers to Lucifer's forehead. A glow infused Lucifer, and when it dissipated he was slumped in the chair, looking much better than before, all put together again. He opened his eyes and turned to wink at the Winchesters. "I'm back, baby."

"Great, so now we can get started on the real planning," Sam said blandly, ignoring Lucifer's mock pout at being ignored. "We need to figure out how to stop Amara once and for all."

Gabriel cast a quick glance at his brothers, seeing the protests coming. Ho boy, this was gonna be more difficult than the brothers Winchesters realized.

 


	5. The Laboring Spider

"Okay, I think we should start with what our options are," Dean stated reasonably, as soon as they were all sitting, more or less civilly, around the table in the library. Dean tried not to rub at his neck where he was sure there were bruises from Michael's fit of rage. He was going to have to be very careful with what he said, because it seemed like there was little to no restraint left in the archangel after his interment in the Cage and next time he might just snap Dean's neck and be done with it.

"We know that together the four of you should be able to overpower Amara," Sam added, he too appeared to be trying to keep up a calm and steady demeanor. "But what are we going to do with her?"

"Well we can't kill her without risking the upset of the balance," Gabriel said. "Dead, she would cause almost more problems than she is causing now. We're going to have to trap her again."

"The problem is that the cell she was interred in is destroyed," Raphael said, casting a meaningful glare at the Winchesters.

"There's no way to put it back together?" Dean asked, his hope sinking a little at a time.

"It can be," Michael said, watching Dean. "But only if someone was willing to bear the Mark of Cain. The Mark was the lock and the key, and without it we wouldn't be able to secure the cage."

Sam and Dean cast a glance at each other, and Dean subconsciously touched the inside of his right elbow where the Mark had been only months before. Sam swallowed hard.

"That's not an option," Dean said firmly. "Unless one of you wants to bear it."

"Wait," Sam said. "I thought Lucifer was the original bearer of the Mark?"

"I was," Lucifer said. "But when you took it off Dean's arm, it broke the lock completely and everything else was irrelevant. No, I think we're going to have to come up with a brand new idea."

"What about the Cage, or something like it?" Dean asked, noticing how Michael flinched at the mention of it and not even feeling sorry for the archangel.

"It wouldn't hold her," Lucifer said.

"It held you and Michael," Dean pointed out.

Lucifer gave him a patronizing smile. "She's more powerful than both of us put together. It might hold her for a bit but as a lasting answer to our problem, no." He shrugged and looked around at the others. "Why can't we kill her? I mean, what harm could it really do?"

Dean looked over at Gabriel who had spoken on the subject earlier raising his eyebrows in question. "What harm would it do?"

Gabriel sighed. "The Darkness is…well, literally the darkness to God's light. Get rid of her entirely, and it would upset the balance of everything and pretty much accomplish what we're trying to avoid—and Lucifer knows that well enough. One can't exist without the other, see?"

"Yeah, don't want that," Sam said quickly.

"Why?" Lucifer drawled. "I mean, come on, maybe it's time for a change. And so what if humanity gets caught in the crossfire? It's getting old."

"Um, we kind of care," Dean said acerbically.

"Didn't ask for your opinion," Lucifer snipped.

"You shouldn't be so bold, Lucifer," Michael told him. "This is why Father threw you into the Cage in the first place."

"Please, Michael," Lucifer scoffed. "You aren't fooling anyone with your holier-than-thou attitude. I had to listen to all your ranting in the Cage, remember? Nothing else to do after Sammy-boy left. 'Why am I here?' 'why has Daddy left me to rot?' boo hoo and woe is me. You're just as angry as I am, don't try to deny it."

"Hold your lying tongue, Lucifer, I am nothing like you," Michael snapped, the younger archangel obviously hitting a nerve. "If we didn't need you to stop the Darkness then I would send you right back to the cage."

"It's alright, brother, you have every reason to be upset." Lucifer gave a sympathetic shrug. "I mean, I know you thought you were Dad's favorite after I got cast out, but…well, I think we all know the truth of that one. I mean, why do you think Aunty Amara tortured me to get his attention? He probably wouldn't have batted an eye if it were you."

Michael lunged forward, eyes glowing and wings unfurling as angry shadows against the wall.

"Woah! Take it outside!" Dean yelled as Gabriel stepped between his two brothers, giving Michael a hard shove to the chest.

"Gentlemen! A little more decorum wouldn't go amiss, am I right?" the former Trickster said.

"And there's our little brother playing the mediator as usual. Things really haven't changed, have they?" Lucifer smiled between Michael and Gabriel and leaned back, kicking his feet up on the table. "It's kind of nice, really. Knowing that no matter how long it's been or what happens, things will always go back to being the same. Dad off in the wind, the four of us arguing…yep, just your typical Tuesday night."

"Learn your place, brother," Raphael told him sternly. "It is only by luck you are out of the Cage at all."

"Come on, Raphe, I know you're secretly with me on this one. You did try to restart the Apocalypse, am I right?" He reached across the table with an offered fist, but Raphael didn't bother bumping it with his own. "I'm proud of you, touched, really. I didn't think you cared."

"I did it in Michael's honor, not yours," Raphael snarled.

"Yeah, well, I was in Castiel's head, and I know what really went on. You trying to take Dad's place, no other archangels to get in your way, you would have been a little tyrant and you know it and yet Dad brought you back too so I wouldn't be so quick to point the fingers." He cast a look over at Gabriel. "I mean, hey, at least I didn't run off and join the pagans and then quit the Apocalypse all together. I was a team player."

"Hey, I helped!" Gabriel protested, holding up his hands and pointed at Sam and Dean. "I tried to get these two to see sense, and when that didn't work, I kind of joined up with them. Just 'cause I didn't join your side or Michael's doesn't mean I didn't care. I would have done more if you hadn't, ya know, stabbed me. At least I didn't try to take over like Raphael did."

"You never understood what having a sense of duty was!" Raphael growled at Gabriel.

"And you never even tried to remove the stick from your—"

"Okay, can we have the family feud after we shove the Darkness back where she came from?" Dean demanded. "Honestly, you fight like a bunch of five-year-olds. You're all asses from where I stand so get over it and stow your crap! We're trying to save the world!" Wow, he was starting to sound like Bobby. Sam looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. Dean watched Michael bristle for a moment but thankfully the eldest archangel seemed to have a handle on himself for now, and didn't try to throttle Dean again.

"Very well, I'll take whatever suggestions anyone has," Michael said. "It is agreed that the Darkness must be stopped."

"Oh good the Entmoot has finally decided something," Dean muttered to Sam who gave him a surprised look. "What? We watched those movies together, shut up."

Lucifer rolled his eyes dramatically and heaved a sigh. "Fine, I agree. But only because I can't kill her alone, and I want to get her put away as soon as possible so she doesn't try to use me as her play thing again."

"Yeah, not so nice a feeling, is it?" Sam quipped, his jaw tight.

Lucifer actually looked surprised. "Wow, Sammy, actually brave enough to reference our time the Cage without collapsing into a mushy pile of anxiety—and stick it to me at the same time? I'm impressed. Touché."

"Alright," Dean quickly nipped that conversation in the bud. "Well, we have practically every research resource into supernatural lore and history here in the Men of Letters' library, so if there's anything that we could possibly find that would work, then it's got to be somewhere in here. Now that we know what we're looking for—something to trap and hold Amara—we should be able to narrow down the search."

None of the archangels looked thrilled with sifting through the books, especially Lucifer who groaned and simply retreated to the couch on one side of the room and began playing with an old flintlock pistol that was sitting on top of one of the shelves. "Let me know if you find anything."

Dean rolled his eyes, but went over to the card catalogue. "Alright, let's get started."

"I'll make the coffee," Sam offered and headed to the kitchen.

A couple hours later, Dean slammed another book shut, rubbing his eyes and taking a gulp of his third cup of now cold coffee. Sam looked across the table at him sympathetically, wincing as he stretched his back with a pop.

"You know, I really hate this part of hunting," Dean groaned.

"That's cause you're not really a Man of Letters at heart," Sam told him with a small smile. He looked over to where the archangels were perched around the room or browsing the shelves. Gabriel was sitting on the floor with a huge pile of books that he had discarded and Sam made a bitchface at him, likely hoping he would put them all back where they belonged. Dean did not want to be on the receiving end of Sam's librarian OCD. Lucifer appeared to be dozing, not doing anything at all and Dean sighed and lowered his voice so the others wouldn't hear them.

"You sure you're good with him being here?" he nodded to Lucifer. "Because we can kick them all out if you want."

Sam shook his head with a sigh. "No, I'm alright. I don't think he'd try anything with the others here."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, and the last time he was here he only tried to blow you up by soulanoscopy. Besides, I'm not sure how much I trust Michael and Raphael to watch your back. Gabriel, he'll pull through, I think. He has before, but the others…"

"I know, but like I said before, do we really have any other options? The only thing we can do is find out how to lock Amara away as soon as possible, and the quicker we do that, the quicker we can get rid of our unwanted house guests and go on that vacation you wanted."

Dean sighed. "Yeah, and what happens after we fix the problem with Amara? We've still got four archangels running around, three of which are pro-apocalypse—what number are we on now? Three? I don't think Gabriel would be able to keep them in check forever. They've already practically ostracized him."

"We'll deal with that if we come to it," Sam said. "Just like everything else."

"And what about Cas?" Dean asked, casting another look at Michael and Raphael to make sure they weren't listening in. "We've got two angels who want to kill him, and one wearing his meatsuit. Gabriel may be keeping him safe now but what about after this when we—hopefully—get Cas back into his own vessel?"

"Then we'll keep him safe," Sam said firmly.

Dean looked down at the table. "Yeah, we owe him that. Dammit, Sam, we screwed up so bad with him. What the hell is wrong with us? Bobby would kick our asses for treating family like that."

Sam smiled wryly. "Bobby would kick our asses for all of this."

"I wish he still could," Dean mused sadly, the ache of loss still strong. Oh how he wished they had Bobby to talk to again. They didn't have anyone anymore to tell them how badly they were screwing up until it was too late.

"Me too," Sam sighed and flipped some more pages in the book he was looking through. He frowned and scanned one page before flipping to another. Dean got up and stretched, reaching for Sam's coffee cup.

"Warm up?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah," Sam said distractedly.

Dean shook his head and went to fill their cups again. When he got back, Sam was flipping through another book. Dean watched him hopefully.

"You find something?"

"Maybe, I don't know," Sam said.

Gabriel's head popped up and he got up from the floor. "You wanna share with the class, Sam?"

Sam put the book down for them to look at and tapped a picture. "Is this a crazy idea, I mean, does it even exist?"

Dean glanced at the description for the chapter in the book. "Pandora's Box? Really, Sam?"

"It contained all the world's evils," Sam explained, his voice quickening with his geekboy excitement. "Until Pandora let them out, anyway, but if that was the case, could you use it to hold something in? Something with the strength of the Darkness?"

Gabriel picked up the book thoughtfully. "Actually, you have a point, Sasquatch. This idea may not totally suck."

Michael and Raphael joined them. Raphael scoffed, but Michael took the book.

"It is an ancient vessel, and would have the strength to hold the Darkness with an added binding spell to lock it fast. It may actually work," the archangel admitted grudgingly.

"Cookie for you, Sam," Lucifer drawled.

"Great, so we have it as an option, how do we go about finding it?" Dean asked.

"Um, is it possible it could be somewhere here?" Sam asked, motioning around them. "I mean, there's a crapton of stuff we haven't catalogued yet."

"We did have a freaking key to Oz," Dean admitted. "It wouldn't surprise me if Pandora's Box of Evil was sitting around as a spittoon or something.

"Hate to burst your bubble, but it's not here," Gabriel said. "I know that for a fact. And by the way, you would not want to use it as a spittoon, just FYI."

"So where is it then?" Sam asked.

"We kept it in Heaven," Michel told him. "We retrieved it after Pandora mistakenly opened it and locked it away so it wouldn't happen again."

"Awesome, so just pop up there and grab it," Dean said.

Raphael looked at him with moderate disdain. "It's not there anymore. There were several angels who absconded with the artifacts we kept after the apocalypse failed."

Realization sparked in Dean. "Wait, you mean like all those angelic weapons that went missing?"

Raphael nodded in confirmation. "Yes."

"Balthazar," Dean said, glancing at Sam. "Well, he's dead, how are we gonna find it now?"

"Hello?" Gabriel said. "We were all dead too until this plot twist, we can swing it."

"No," Raphael said firmly. "That thief will not be brought into this. We'll find the caches on our own."

Gabriel snorted. "You think you'll find something Balthazar hid? Yeah, even I couldn't do that and I knew him better than either of you. What? He get on your bad side too, Raphe?"

Raphael simply glared at him, so Dean supplied the answer. "He turned his original vessel into salt—then he was stuck with a lady vessel."

Gabriel chortled happily at the look on Raphael's face. "Always did have a flare for the dramatic."

"The pride you feel for your miscreant pets is deplorable, Gabriel," Michael snapped at him. "There must be another way to find what we need without enlisting his help."

"In the time we have? No way," Gabriel shook his had. "Look, it could take us anywhere from a couple weeks to a month to find where Balthazar stashed stuff and that's an optimistic estimate. Not to be a downer, but I don't think we have that kind of time. Now that Amara knows all four of us are back and ready to take her down, do you really think she's going to give us time to waste when it comes to figuring out how to trap her for good? Whether you like it or not, we need Balthazar."

Michael and Raphael didn't looked pleased, but they didn't say anything either.

"So, how do we bring him back from the dead?" Sam asked.

Gabriel smiled. "We have a little faith."

~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel woke from a deep sleep—more like simple unconsciousness, he supposed—and for a second he was sure he was still trapped inside his own vessel with Lucifer, but there was a different grace surrounding his, more familiar, more comforting, and he remembered that Gabriel had come to retrieve him, alive once again, and Castiel was now sharing the younger archangel's vessel. So it hadn't been him hallucinating after all. When Gabriel had come for him he was sure he had been dead, almost hoped that had been the case, but he was in too much pain to be dead, he realized that now; it had all been real.

Castiel sat up in the bed, and his head spun. He knew it was just a reflection of his current state, more than a physical feeling, but it still caused him to lie back down, not thinking he would be able to handle standing at the moment. The bed was incredibly comfortable and he was wearing loose-fitting clothes and had what Dean called 'bedhead'. Even though he was technically in his incorporeal form, he felt utterly heavy and mortal. His whole body ached, his grace was strained, and his wings twinged when he moved them, feeling singed from Amara's torments.

There was a knock on the door to the room and Gabriel opened it a moment later, smiling slightly. Something like relief washed through Castiel as he saw his older brother. Even if he were feeling quite badly at the moment, he was still glad to see Gabriel alive.

"Felt you wake up," the archangel said, stepping into the room and stopping at the foot of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Used up," Castiel said weakly, his voice hoarse. Amara had called him that. He hadn't realized how true it was until she had said it, and now it was all he could think about.

Gabriel frowned slightly, but came to sit in a chair he snapped into existence, propping his feet up on the bed. "Well, you have good reason to be. Your grace is worn pretty thin."

Castiel clenched his teeth. "I know. It's—it's a long story."

"Which I expect to hear eventually," Gabriel said. Castiel couldn't help but just stare at him and the archangel's gaze softened slightly. "I'm really here, kiddo. Alive and kicking."

Castiel swallowed hard and nodded. "It's been a long time."

"Yeah, it has. Longer for you than me, and that has nothing to do with my being dead," Gabriel said, again with that scrutinizing stare running over Castiel and making him feel small and stripped bare. Thankfully, though Gabriel dropped it and changed the subject. "So, we spent all day researching, and think we may have found a way to trap the Darkness."

Castiel watched Gabriel with genuine interest. "You did?"

"Yep. We think Pandora's Box might be the ticket."

Castiel furrowed his brow and nodded. Yes, that may actually work. "That's a decent plan, and has the potential to work. But didn't…" He stopped and looked down at the blankets over his lap, hands clenching into fists. No, he didn't want to think about him. He couldn't right now.

"Cas? Hey, what's wrong?"

Castiel didn't reply. Gabriel huffed but continued in a gentler voice. "We're going to need Balthazar for this. Michael and Raphael are gonna try and bring him back. I know you two were friends."

Castiel's chest ached. "Yes," he whispered, barely able to get the word out, unable to look at Gabriel.

"Hey," Gabriel said, nudging him with a foot. "What's wrong, Cassie? I thought you'd be happy. You'll get to see him again."

Castiel just shook his head. Gabriel frowned and leaned closer, feet hitting the ground. "Cas? How did he die?"

Castiel shook his head again, agitation building up inside of him and he began worrying the blankets in his hands.

"Cas."

"I killed him," he whispered.

"What?" Gabriel asked in shock.

"I killed him," Castiel replied, his voice bitter this time. He closed his eyes, reliving the scene again, one he had tried to put away; the feeling of his blade entering Balthazar's body, the hurt and pain in his friend's voice. He had accused Balthazar of betraying him when Castiel had been the one to betray one of his dearest friends, and worse, had stabbed Balthazar in the back, literally. The truth was he knew he couldn't have stood to see the look of betrayal and hurt in Balthazar's eyes. It all came crashing back, the emotions he hadn't felt at the time, along with everything else, culminating in his utter worthlessness—how everything he touched, everything he cared about suffered and was destroyed because he couldn't stop making mistakes. He buried his face in his hands and let out a whimpering sob, unable to contain his emotions another second.

He was suddenly aware of Gabriel sitting on the bed, his arm wrapping around Castiel's shoulders and holding him close. "Aw, Cassie," he said gently, not in accusation but sympathy, of all things. Something Castiel certainly didn't deserve.

He shoved hard at Gabriel's chest until his older brother let go, and Castiel slumped back down in the bed, facing away from the archangel. He heard Gabriel sigh and stand up, the bed springing back up in his absence. Castiel knew this wasn't the end of the conversation, but he didn't care. He didn't have the strength to tell Gabriel about all his wrongs. Hopefully he would be able to atone for them before this was all over, and then he wouldn't be troubled by them anymore. He would perhaps find some peace.

And if he had to die to find that peace, then so be it.


	6. And Rest Can Never Dwell

The bunker was quiet finally. Sam and Dean had gone off to get a few hours of rest, since there was nothing more they could do for the night, and Michael and Raphael had gone off to figure out what to do about Balthazar. Gabriel should have gone with them since he was really the only one who cared about the rebel angel in the first place, but he didn't have the stomach for a road trip with his big bros. Lucifer was currently still lounging around the bunker, hopefully not hiding in Sam's closet or watching him sleep, but he wasn't annoying Gabriel at the moment, so the younger archangel took the chance to plop down in one of the comfortable library chairs and take a moment to go check on Castiel again.

When he opened the pocket room he had made for Cas, he found the lesser angel deeply sleeping. His distress over Balthazar earlier must have worn the poor kid out. That had been a surprise. Why exactly had Cas killed Balthazar? Had he been forced to do it? It certainly wouldn't have been above the higher-ups to order him to kill a friend. Or maybe he hadn't done it by his own hand, but had been the cause of Balthazar's death? Either way, Gabriel had a feeling in his gut that things were bad for Cas and that made his brotherly instincts flare up.

Gabriel watched his younger brother sleep for a few long seconds. Castiel had deep purple blotches under each eye, and an overall gaunt appearance. He looked pretty wasted, and not in the fun way. Gabriel thought about what could have happened after his death that had driven the falling, yet determined Castiel to this state. He had been sure that Cas of all angels could make it through anything. He had outlived most of his peers, the fledglings he had grown up with. But then he had always had a sensitive side—not the naïve kind of sensitive, but one that could crop up and cause Cas to make bad decisions for good reasons for the betterment of what he saw to be the right thing. Nothing had changed there.

Still, it was obvious a bunch of messed up crap had happened to put all that weight on his shoulders, Gabriel just needed to know the details before he could help his brother. Like the thing with Balthazar. Raphael certainly wasn't going to volunteer information, and there was much more after the archangel's demise that had happened to Castiel too that he wouldn't know. Gabriel didn't want to ask the Winchesters either, afraid they might omit things or not know the whole story, and he knew Cas wasn't going to talk about it, not now anyway. But Gabriel needed to know what was going on so he could fully understand the state of mind his baby bro was in.

So there was only one option left. He would have to do something a little unorthodox.

He knew it was invasive to take a peek at Castiel's memories without asking him first, but well, Gabriel was a firm believer in asking forgiveness over permission, and he counted this as an emergency, which made him feel even less bad about it.

"Sorry, kiddo, but what you don't know won't hurt you." He pressed two fingers to Castiel's forehead and closed his eyes as the memories flashed past his vision. So many things, and so much bad. The heroic thwarting of the Apocalypse, then the not so heroic working with Crowley to build a war machine to stop Raphael. Betraying the Winchesters, and, ah, there was Balthazar's death. Gabriel winced slightly at the scene but quickly went on to the next, Cas killing Raphael and opening the gate to Purgatory thus letting the Leviathans into the world—how they corrupted Castiel, and made him feel unclean. Dying, coming back without his memory—the asylum…Gabriel decided he needed to clock Sam and Dean both for that one.

But it only got worse. He saw Cas and Dean sucked into Purgatory, and Cas getting out, rescued by angels who only wanted to use him for their own purposes. Gabriel snarled when he saw Naomi messing with him—never liked that bitch. And then Cas getting into trouble again by trying to do the right thing, unknowingly helping Metatron cast the angels from Heaven—and losing his grace in the process. Ouch. Cas' stint as a human—another thing Gabriel was going to punch the Winchesters for—and the stolen grace that almost burned him out, before finally regaining his own if only in part. Then finally, helping Sam cure Dean of the Mark, and all the aftermath. The spell Rowena had cast upon him, and the way it tore into him, and finally Castiel saying yes to Lucifer.

Gabriel pulled away from the memories, sitting back and pressing his fingers into the bridge of his nose. Yikes. No wonder the kid was messed up, and that was putting it mildly. He turned to watch Castiel sleeping peacefully some more, now clearly seeing the weight of every deed, of every memory pressing the lesser angel's body deeply into the bed as if he were far too heavy to move. Gabriel sighed and reached out, brushing the hair from Cas' forehead and infusing a little more healing grace into him, before he pulled the blankets up over Cas' shoulders and tucked them in tightly, an overwhelming sympathy for his younger brother coming over him.

"I'll do my best to make sure nothing bad like that happens to you again, kiddo," Gabriel told him quietly, determined to make it so. "I just need you to help me by wanting to survive this."

He felt a disturbance in the outer world and left the pocket dimension, opening his vessel's eyes to see Dean coming into the library in his sleep clothes. He seemed vaguely annoyed to find Gabriel there, but also likely relived that there were no other archangels joining the party.

Gabriel wasn't any happier to see him, leveling a glare that made Dean frown.

"What's with the stink eye?" Dean demanded.

Gabriel shrugged, deciding—rather maturely, he might add—that punching the elder Winchester now wouldn't change the past. So silent treatment, then.

Dean snorted and muttered something about freakin' angels as he headed straight for the liquor cabinet on one side of the room and, after a moment's hesitation, poured two glasses. He walked over and set one on the table beside Gabriel before taking a seat across from him. "You uh…you doing okay?"

Gabriel shrugged again, taking up the glass as the offering it was. "Sure. Ya know; a little family drama is nothing new. And I'm pretty much at full power again so that's good."

Dean was silent for a few minutes then asked the question they both knew he really wanted to. "How's Cas?"

Gabriel looked at him judgingly for a moment. There was a little bit of guilt there, but mostly just concern. "He's mostly resting. It's good for him, will get him back to strength. Our healing sessions have gone well so far. Hopefully he'll be mostly fixed up by the time we can move him back into his vessel." He took a drink and cleared his throat, leveling the glare toward Dean again. "I, ah, looked into his memories. Saw everything that's happened over the past few years. I'm not gonna lie, there's a lot I'm not happy about."

Dean surprisingly didn't even look indignant or defensive. "Yeah, me too. I'll admit it, we, well, mostly me, really screwed up by Cas. You have every right to be angry, hell I am too. If I had been a better friend, Cas wouldn't be in this mess."

Huh, Gabriel was actually kinda shocked by that admission. The last time he had seen Sam and Dean they had been practically willing to destroy the world to save each other and screw everyone else—that was the whole reason for the 'lessons' he had tried to teach them over the years, after all. But this Dean was something he hadn't been expecting, actually admitting to feeling guilty regret about someone other than his baby bro. Well, people changed, and it had been a long run of things since the Apocalypse, judging from Castiel's memories.

Dean swallowed another gulp of his drink, rolling the glass between his hands settled in his lap. "We've been through, well, practically everything together. Me, Cas and Sam—we're all the family we have left now. He's like a brother to us. I just…I hope he knows that. The last time I told him was before everything went to hell, and it was too late to change anything."

Again, the sincerity he was seeing from Dean surprised him. He bit back the sarcastic comment that had been on his tongue and cleared his throat, instead going for reassuring. "I promise you don't need to worry about him right now. He's safe with me, I'll get him back to health and we'll get Amara locked away and everything can go back to whatever normal makes you happy."

Dean actually pulled a wry smile at that as he took another long pull at his whisky. "Yeah, wouldn't that be nice. So, what happens when Balthazar joins us?"

"Well, hopefully, he'll cooperate and help us find his hidden stash. If not, we might have to persuade him."

"Hopefully he'll see reason then. What I'm more concerned about is are we gonna be able to do all this without help?" Dean asked. "I mean, I know we have the whole collection of archangels, but is that enough?"

Gabriel drained the rest of his glass. "You got any ideas, Deano, be my guest. We could use all the help we can get."

"I got a few people I can call," Dean said vaguely.

Gabriel looked at him askance. "People Michael will like?"

"Doubt it."

"Good, I approve."

They sat in what could actually, shockingly, be considered companionable silence for a few minutes before Dean spoke again. "You don't think Lucifer will, you know, turn on us, do you?"

"Honestly? I think you have more to worry about with Michael and Raphael," he replied wryly.

"Michael's screwed up," Dean agreed. He was not wrong. Gabriel had been keeping a close eye on his eldest brother, worried he might snap before this was all over. "I'm just…worried about Sam. It's not easy for him to be around Lucifer, and what if he puts up a fight when we go to put Cas back in his vessel?"

"You let me handle Lucifer, it's not like I haven't done it before," Gabriel said. "As for Sam, I don't think Lucifer will try anything with all of us around. He knows he's on probation, and he might talk big and sure, he'll likely creep on your brother—he can't help himself, he likes to pick at people—but he won't kill him, that much I'm sure of. At least not until this is over and hopefully by then, we'll know whether we have to lock him away again or not."

Dean didn't look entirely satisfied, but he didn't say anything either. Gabriel couldn't really blame him. Lucifer was even a sore subject with himself and he had been Gabriel's favorite brother out of all the archangels. In fact, once he had looked up to Lucifer—that was until his ideals started to go from different and vaguely radical, to obsessed and rebellious and even Gabriel couldn't condone them anymore, though he was hardly what anyone could call a straightforward thinker himself. And then had come the fighting and the anger and everyone taking sides, and Gabriel had found he couldn't and that was when he knew he had to leave because he couldn't stick around and be forced to join either side and watch his family tear each other apart. Michael would have called him weak, and Lucifer would have tried to manipulate him into doing things he would regret, and yet he still loved them both even though they were dicks. Family was stupid like that.

"What do you think will happen after all of this?" Dean asked, getting up to refill his glass. He raised an eyebrow at Gabriel and the archangel held out his glass for a refill too. "I mean, the archangels are back in town, the last time that was the case things didn't exactly go well. For anyone. Just because we lock Lucifer up doesn't mean the end to our problems. Even if they don't try to restart the Apocalypse, doesn't mean they won't come up with something else just as bad."

"I don't know," Gabriel shrugged, honestly not really sure what would happen, his brothers had always surprised him in the past and right now he was just hoping that Michael didn't smite the Winchesters before this was over. "I guess Michael will probably go back to Heaven and try to fix the mess up there. They could probably use some guidance. Raphael will follow him. And like I said, Lucifer will either be on super protective probation up in Heaven; or if he's a particularly naughty boy, back in the cage."

Dean took a drink, considering this. "And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"You don't want to go back to Heaven?" Dean looked honestly surprised.

Gabriel sighed and sat back in his chair. Time to face the facts, even for himself. "Truthfully? I don't think I have a place there, and it's not because Michael wouldn't want me. Sure he would if he thought I would obey him, but who in their right mind would want to listen to Mr. Righteous all day every day? Nah, I can't do that, I've been living by the beat of my own drum for too long. I guess I'll make my own way. I got a few people I want to look up from the old days." One in particular, actually. Gabriel smiled sadly just thinking of Kali. Maybe it wasn't too late to get back with her if she'd have him. He shrugged. "Maybe even hang out here for a little while to get Cas back on his feet—if that's okay."

Dean seemed to take that in for a moment, before he finally nodded. "I think that would be good. I mean, for Cas. If he's as bad off as you say he'll need a lot of help and support to get back on his feet."

Gabriel narrowed his eyes as he looked at Dean. So yeah, if he stuck around he would have to hang with Tweedledee and Tweedledum, but it was for Castiel, and, hey, it might not be so bad. He had to admit he had gotten kind of fond of the Winchesters back when they were at that hotel during the Apocalypse fighting for their lives. Okay, if he was being honest, he had started to feel an admiration before that when he had watched them suffering in his TV land pocket dimension. That had been hilarious, but they had hung on so much longer than he had expected, he had to give them props.

He shook off his melancholy, gulping the rest of the whisky. "We'll see if any of us are still alive first. Ya know, the world used to be a lot simpler. You humans are so convoluted in your own ideals anymore that nothing makes sense to anyone. Sometimes, I honestly miss the Dark Ages. The Vikings knew what it was about, you know? Pillaging, mead, women—good times."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, well, I don't think I'm all that complicated. As long as I got my family, my red meat, and my baby, I'm good."

"You would have made a good Viking."

"Thanks, I guess," Dean shrugged. "Hey maybe if this doesn't work out and Amara obliterates the world, you can ship us back to the Dark Ages and we can go pillaging and wenching to our heart's content."

"It's a good backup plan," Gabriel admitted. Aaand that was enough sharing for one night. He stood up and set the glass back down on the table. "Thanks for the drink. I'm gonna go chill and watch some Netflix until Michael and Raphael get back. Think Samsquatch will mind if I use his laptop?"

Dean smirked. "Just don't freeze it with porn and he'll never know."

"Got it." Gabriel left the room while Dean poured another drink. He hadn't been that honest with someone in…ever. Actually, the ironic thing was that the last time he had, it had also been with the Winchesters. Maybe he shouldn't hang out with them so much. But it had also been kind of freeing to have someone to talk to, so maybe it wasn't so bad. He wasn't really in the market for a new family yet, but maybe someday, if the option was still open. Unfortunately, his conversation with Dean had also drudged up a lot of old not-so-nice feelings and memories and he was still worried about Cas and everything the kid had been through. And what he was going to do about that.

He stopped by the kitchen and stole the pint of ice cream from the freezer. For the first time in a long time Gabriel really wished he could get drunk. But sugar was always a close second.

~~~~~~~~~

Dean woke groggily the next morning, early, his face smashed into his pillow where he had fallen after his late night drinking. The vague pounding behind his eyes was all the hangover he ever got anymore and he grunted, as he scratched his stubbled cheek. He hauled himself out of bed and headed to the shower in an attempt to wash the weariness from his body.

He had actually been surprised to have a somewhat normal conversation with Gabriel the night before. As soon as the archangel had said he knew what had happened to Cas over the years, Dean had been sure Gabriel was going to beat him to pulp. He still might, but maybe Gabriel was just more willing to see him and Sam as allies at the moment, and in reality, Dean didn't blame him. With only Michael, Raphael and Lucifer for options, the rest of them could use all the allies they could get. And having a Trickster in their pocket was not a lose—as long as he only directed his tricks at the enemy.

There was a knock on the door as he was tying his boots on and Sam peeked in.

"Good, you're up. Michael's back, and he has Balthazar."

"Great," Dean said with a longsuffering sigh as he stood up. "Let's do this."

He followed Sam out into the war room where the archangels sans Lucifer were gathered, and standing off to one side, looking rather miffed, was the slim figure of Balthazar, still looking the same with his douchey v-neck and bored expression.

"Oh look, the Winchesters," Balthazar greeted them. "Thanks a lot by the way—the last time I decided to join you I got killed so forgive me if I am not incredibly enthused about this new development. Though I am glad to be back, don't get me wrong."

"Well, if it's any consolation, we don't mean to get you killed again," Sam told him. "And…sorry."

"It's appreciated," Balthazar said and turned to look at the other archangels. "Not happy to see you two either, Michael, Raphael—but Gabriel, it's been a very long time."

Gabriel smiled. "Hey kiddo, glad to see you too."

Balthazar chuckled. "It's certainly been a long time since anyone called me that." He frowned slightly as he studied Gabriel. "Is there something…your grace…"

"I'm renting space," Gabriel told him. "Special circumstance."

Dean frowned, wondering why Gabriel was dancing around the issue of Cas. Sure, he knew Cas had been the one to kill Balthazar, but they all knew Cas hadn't been himself at the time. Though Dean really hadn't gotten the full story on that either.

Just then Lucifer strode into the room and Balthazar's eyes snapped up to him, taking in the scene in one glance.

"You," he said angrily. "That vessel…"

"Like it?" Lucifer grinned and spun in a circle. "I prefer blonds, but well, I had to take what I could get."

Balthazar's angel blade slid into his hand and he stepped forward, but Gabriel shoved an arm across the lesser angel's chest and forced him back.

"Not now, we have a policy," Gabriel told him.

"It's Cas you're sharing a vessel with, isn't it?" Balthazar said accusingly.

"Better than letting him stay in there with Lucifer," Gabriel said calmly.

"What happened?"

"He said yes and let me ride him out of hell when he went to rescue his human pets," Lucifer said smugly. "Poor Cassie, your death really weighed heavily on him. He still thinks about it."

"Okay, that's enough," Dean stepped in, cutting off the conversation further. He wasn't sure if Cas could hear what was going on or not, but either way Balthazar was only getting angrier and the last thing they needed was another knockdown drag out in their bunker. "We have a job to do, we have to stop the freaking end of the world—again. So can we focus and save our tiffs for later?"

"I couldn't agree more," Gabriel said, and glared at Lucifer before turning the warning gaze toward Balthazar and then finally letting the other angel go, heading toward the table.

"Now that we have the whole crew together, why don't we talk," he turned to Balthazar. "Pandora's Box, you still have that in one of your caches?"

"It was one of the items I took, but why…oh, you canny bastards," Balthazar smiled slightly. "I see what you have planned."

"You think it will work?" Sam asked.

"Yes, though you'll need a binding spell to work as the lock."

"Do you know one?" Dean asked.

Balthazar shook his head. "Not off the top of my head, but it shouldn't be too hard to find one. Though, one powerful enough to hold the Darkness will take the power of all four of you combined to cast it," he added looking between the archangels.

"It doesn't matter. Whatever works," Michael said briskly. "How soon can you get the item?"

"Well, it's been a while since I've been vertical, it will take a bit, and I'm having trouble flying as of now. Still a bit weak. You two aren't exactly my first choice when I need necromancy done." He glared at Michael and Raphael. "A day or two at most."

"It will have to suffice, I suppose," Michael said.

"Another thing," Gabriel put forward. "Are we going to try and get some backup? I have a feeling things are going to get hairy during the fight while we're trying to get Amara into the Box. Think we should enlist some help?"

Michael nodded grudgingly. "You're right, for once, Gabriel. Surely the other angels will offer their aid."

"Well, I already tried to get them to help, but they weren't very excited about it," Lucifer shrugged and turned a mock adoring look toward the elder archangel. "They may listen to you though, big brother. You always were so convincing."

"I will petition their help," Michael said decisively. "Raphael and I will go and find recruits for the battle. Lucifer will come with us."

"Do I have to?" Lucifer put on a whine.

"I wish to keep an eye on you," Michael said in no uncertain terms.

"But will that be enough fire power?" Balthazar asked doubtfully. "It is the Darkness we're talking about, and the five of us will be busy with the spell for a while. Do you really expect the Winchesters to hold her off for that entire time?"

"We have more options than angels," Dean commented cautiously.

Sam shared a look and nodded. "We do."

Michael looked up with a frown. "And what might that be?"

Dean smirked slightly, knowing the archangel would hate his answer. "We have the King of Hell."

"Oh, bloody hell," Balthazar sighed.

"No," Raphael growled.

"Not even sure I can condone that one, Deano," Gabriel told him uncertainly. Yup those were the reactions he had been expecting.

"Look, I hate to say it, but Crowley has a lot of resources you don't," Sam cut in reasonably before Michael could jump across the table and throttle Dean again. "And he's been in the mix recently which none of you have. He knows what's been going on, he was practically at ground zero when we let Amara out, and he's been helping us along the way. You may not like it, but he's an asset that we would be stupid to sweep under the rug."

"Plus, he'll probably show up at some point anyway, and I'd rather you not smite on sight," Dean said. Truth be told he was happier with the idea of working with Crowley than with Michael and Raphael. At least the demon wasn't likely to screw them over until after they had gotten Amara locked away. "He may even have a binding spell for us."

"I don't like this," Michael said.

Gabriel took a deep breath. "I hate to say it but think we should trust the Winchesters on this one."

Michael turned a scathing look toward his brother. "You really want to employ the King of Hell?"

"Do we have the luxury of turning down any help we can get?" Gabriel demanded. "It sucks, but yeah I do. Look, Dean and I will go off and talk to him. You can go figure out where the angels stand, and Sam and Balthazar can go off on a treasure hunt. Sound good?"

"You are not leading this operation, and therefor have no right to give the orders," Michael growled.

"So what are you gonna do?" Gabriel demanded. "Slap my hand? What, were you planning on letting me sit around here twiddling my thumbs? Don't knock it before you try it. With heaven depleted so much, we need anyone who's willing to stick their neck out."

Michael looked nonplused, but he turned away. "Do what you want. I've never been able to stop you before."

"I guess that's a yes then," Gabriel said with a small, smug smile. He clapped his hands together. "Well, I guess there's no point in wasting daylight." He turned to Dean. "Looks like we're going on a road trip!"


	7. Dark and Deep

Michael, Raphael and Lucifer left almost immediately, leaving Sam to stare at Dean, a little apprehensive about having to team up with Balthazar alone.

"Oh come on, Sam, it's not that bad, is it?" Balthazar asked. "You're looking well, by the way, much more stable than when I last saw you."

"Thanks," Sam muttered and sighed. "Okay, let's do this. You said you can't fly?"

"Not with a passenger at the moment," Balthazar said, rolling his shoulders. "Give me a few hours. I'm like a newly hatched butterfly right now."

"No wild goose chase, Balthy," Gabriel told him sternly. "You and Sam go retrieve the Box and head straight back here."

"Of course, it would be my pleasure," Balthazar said with a slightly mocking bow.

"You can take the Impala, Sam," Dean said, and tossed the keys over. "As long as Gabriel will be able to zap us where we need to go."

"Naturally," Gabriel said.

"Okay," Sam said, pocketing the keys. "Be safe."

"You too," Dean replied and Gabriel put a hand on his shoulder before zapping them to parts unknown.

Sam turned to Balthazar. "Well, I guess we get this show on the road then. Where to?"

Several minutes later, they were driving down the highway toward Denver, Colorado. "Well, at least you didn't hide it too far away."

"Oh, I'm actually not certain this is where the Box is hidden," Balthazar said blithely. "We won't know until we get there. If not, we're going to have to head to Arizona—and if not there, Portland."

"Are you kidding me?" Sam demanded. "You don't even know where this stuff is?"

"I had a bunch of stashes around the country—some in others. I know Pandora's Box was in one of the collections I left in the states, but I can't remember exactly where. Look on the bright side. I may be able to fly us there by then."

Sam gripped the wheel tight and set his jaw in frustration. "Fine, I guess there's nothing we can do about it. Let's just hope it's in this one." At least he was sure it wasn't in Europe somewhere.

They were silent for a while before Balthazar spoke again. "So what's the deal with Castiel? What really happened with him and Raphael? More importantly, why is he loaning Lucifer his vessel?"

Sam sighed and decided there was nothing better to do so he began relating the entire story starting with Cas opening Purgatory and ending with him saying yes to Lucifer in the cage.

"Holy hell," Balthazar muttered after Sam had finished. Sam nodded in agreement, not sure what else to say. He cast a sideways glance at the angel and saw…sadness. Sam knew he and Cas had been friends, comrades in arms, but did he hold a grudge against Cas for killing him?

"Cas has really had a rough few years," Sam said, dancing around the subject for the moment. "We all have."

Balthazar huffed impatiently. "Why don't you just ask if I am planning on smiting him in return for what he did?"

Sam was taken aback and glanced over at his passenger. "Do you want to?"

Balthazar was silent but he shook his head. "No. No matter what Cas did, he is a dear friend. We served together through many battles, saved each other's lives more times than I could count." He chuckled darkly. "It never occurred to me he would be the one to do me in. Stab me in the back—literally."

Sam's chest constricted and he swallowed hard. "Cas wasn't himself," he said quietly.

"I know," Balthazar replied. "Which is why I don't hold too much of a grudge." He sighed. "Of course I felt a bit betrayed. The whole situation was bollocks really. The problem was that Cas thought he had to go through it alone, felt responsible for the whole mess when he could have called upon us and we would have helped him and avoided everything."

"I know," Sam said, the memories he drudged up causing his stomach to clench. "But when are we ever smart when we have to make those decisions? We never even know what we're doing until we're neck deep in it and by then it's too late to turn around."

Balthazar raised his eyebrows. "Yes, that is usually the way, isn't it? But I'm not angry at Cas. I only regret that I was not able to save him from himself."

Sam nodded. "I think we've all been there. I'm not…I'm not sure of everything that Cas did when he was fighting Raphael, but I do know that he regrets pretty much all of it."

"War does that to one," Balthazar said bitterly. "It forces you to make decisions that you don't want to. Betray family and friends. But I want Castiel to know I forgive him, and I'm going to do my best to get him back where he belongs. I'll confess when I saw Lucifer wearing his vessel I wanted to smite the wanker."

Sam smiled grimly. "Yeah, we all did. But I think Cas would probably prefer we didn't make too many holes in his vessel."

"Quite right," Balthazar said, seeming to break from his melancholy. "Now, how much longer is it to Denver? You do drive awfully slow."

Sam bit back his return and faced forward, simply keeping his eyes on the road. Balthazar wasn't the only one who wished they could get there faster.

~~~~~~~~~

Dean and Gabriel appeared in a bar that was pretty crowded even though it was only midday. Dean looked around with a frown, but Gabriel nudged his shoulder and nodded toward a table in a dark corner.

"Act casual, I thought this would be a good neutral location. Go call your demon boyfriend and I'll grab a couple drinks."

Dean rolled his eyes but he made his way over to the table and sat down, pulling out his phone. Honestly with the way things had been going for the demon recently, he wasn't even sure if Crowley would have ditched his old phone, but it was answered on the third ring.

"This had better be good, Squirrel, you've already run out of favors."

"Crowley, we think we have a way to stop Amara for good, but we need your…expertise." He mockingly pronounced the last word.

"I'm listening, but make it quick. Demons aren't usually tech savvy but they might have figured out how to trace calls."

"We'll talk in person," Dean informed him and gave the address for the bar.

"Be right there, darling."

Dean rolled his eyes and ended the call, grateful when Gabriel appeared with two pints of beer.

"Well?" the archangel asked.

"He's on his way. And he's probably not going to be happy to see you here, so you may have to block his exit until I talk to him."

It was only a few minutes later that Crowley walked through the doors of the bar, scanning casually before he spotted Dean and strolled over to the table. He didn't sit down, but rather nodded a greeting to the elder Winchester and cast a suspicious glance at Gabriel.

"Who's your boyfriend?"

"I don't think you two have met," Dean said. "Crowley, this is Gabriel."

Crowley's face instantly darkened and he reached into his coat before Gabriel reached out and grabbed his arm, shoving him rather forcefully into the seat beside him.

"Careful, we're all on the same side here—at least that's what Dean says," Gabriel shrugged. "I'm gonna need a little more proof myself."

"You're working with a bloody archangel?" Crowley hissed at Dean. "I thought they were all dead! First Lucifer and now the rest of them?"

"Yeah, I know," Dean commented. "Guess God wanted all hands on deck for this fight. But Gabriel promised not to smite you while we're working together."

Crowley still fumed. "You know Dean, we used to tell each other things. We had a good relationship, now it's all lies and cheating."

"Come on, Crowley, we're in a war, it's the freaking end of the world—again. You wanted a way to stop Amara, and the only way is if we have all four archangels working their mojo, so don't look the gift horse in the mouth here."

"Well, the Trickster is one thing, I can at least respect his work, but you expect me to work with those self-righteous prats, Michael and Raphael? Not to mention Lucifer who made me clean my own floor with my bloody tongue only several months back?"

"Urg," Gabriel said in distaste. "That's not even creative."

Dean leaned across the table. "Crowley, this is the end. Heaven, Hell, Amara's not going to leave any of it, she's not going to leave any of us alive when this is all over. You get that right? So wouldn't you rather swallow your pride and help us than watch from the sidelines?"

Crowley glared daggers at him, but finally heaved a gusty sigh. "You always were so convincing, Squirrel. Very well, which of my many talents may I offer you this time?"

"We need a spell," Dean told him. "And whatever recruits you can muster."

"Recruits?" Crowley scoffed. "What part of 'I'm on the run' do you not understand? All my demons defected to Lucifer, only too glad to throw me out with the trash. He would have an easier time asking than I would."

"What part of 'we need all the help we can get' do you not understand?" Gabriel retorted. "You're so proud of being the king of Hell, I'm sure you'll figure something out."

Crowley glared at him and Dean cut in. "Alright, well, first we need the spell. We're thinking we should be able to lock Amara away in Pandora's Box but we need a binding spell to seal it tight. You know anything like that?"

"Son of a witch, remember?" Crowley said, vaguely insulted. "I'll find a heavy duty binding lock for you, but only if you promise not to hand me over to the archangels once this is all over."

"Hey, demons aren't the only ones who can keep a deal," Gabriel said. "I know my bros don't all have great track records, but you have my word."

"I feel so much better," Crowley replied sarcastically before turning to Dean. "Is that all? Because I should probably not stick around much longer. I'll call you when I have the spell."

"Great," Dean said and Crowley disappeared. He sighed and finished off his beer before looking over at Gabriel who was currently scanning the bar. "So, is that it?"

Gabriel frowned but nodded. "Yeah, for now. I think we need to go, I'm feeling a demonic presence and it's not from Crowley."

"Awesome," Dean muttered as he stood up and he and Gabriel casually walked out of the bar, trying to get away from the people so they could teleport back to the bunker.

However as soon as they got outside, several demons were waiting for them, flashing their black eyes and grinning.

"Winchester," one said, a huge man who was almost twice as broad as Dean and taller. "Thought that his majesty would be coming to visit you. Why don't you and your haloed friend tell us where he is and we'll let you leave here alive?"

"Haloed friend, huh?" Gabriel replied, fists planted on his hips. "Kinda nice to know demons haven't gotten any smarter since I've been gone. Okay, buddy, you want to offer up your services as my knife rack, be my guest."

More demons surrounded then and grabbed both Dean and Gabriel by the arms, forcing them back behind the bar so they would be out of sight of the other patrons. Dean counted at least ten demons. He hoped Gabriel had been telling the truth about being back to full power, because they were gonna need all the help they could get.

They were yanked to a halt as the demons formed a circle around them, several angel blades coming into the mix.

"Alright, here's how it goes," the huge male demon said, pulling a wicked looking hunting knife from inside his coat. "You can either tell us where Crowley went, or we'll make you tell us."

Dean snorted. "Really? Those are our only options?"

"Rather unimaginative, aren't they?" Gabriel said in a loud aside.

"Not real smart either." Dean said and shifted slightly to the side, hoping Gabriel would get his signal as he began to turn to face the demons behind them. "I mean, they didn't even bother to check us for weapons."

He pulled the demon-killing knife from the back of his jeans and stabbed it into the nearest demon in one fluid movement. Gabriel was already attacking in the other direction and without another backward glance they were fighting for their lives.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel woke as he felt Gabriel's grace flare in the same way a human gets an adrenaline rush. It meant he was about to do something dangerous or get into a fight.

"Gabriel?" he tried to call, but his brother probably either couldn't hear him or couldn't pay attention to him at the moment. Castiel was blind to the outside stuck in the pocket dimension but he opened the door—only warded for his protection from the outside—and could more clearly read Gabriel's grace to see what was going on.

There were demons, it seemed, a lot of them, and Dean was with him, both he and Gabriel fighting fiercely. Castiel could tell, worriedly, that they were outnumbered and he closed his eyes and tried to reach his grace past Gabriel's vessel so that he could see what was going on.

The view came to him as an overhead. Dean and Gabriel were caught in a circle of demons, trying to stay back to back, but there were demons striking to their sides as well so that there was always one side unprotected. They had killed three already—four—but they were struggling, and Dean had been grazed on his right thigh, causing him to limp slightly.

That was when Castiel saw the huge demon approaching Dean from behind, passing Gabriel's notice as the archangel was busy grappling with another opponent. Gabriel dispatched his opponent but he would be too late. The demon was almost on Dean.

Castiel was tired of feeling useless. He wouldn't see Dean hurt because he wasn't there to protect him. So he did the only thing he could do, and forced his grace to the forefront of the vessel, pushing Gabriel's back as he took control. He ignored his brother's startled protests, and simply spun around just in time to see the demon plunge his blade into Dean's back.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sam and Balthazar made it to Denver by mid afternoon and after Sam looked up the address for the storage facility Balthazar had kept his stash in, they were there in a matter of fifteen minutes.

"So, any traps I need to know about?" Sam asked after they had retrieved the key from the manager and were heading to the angel's storage container.

"Oh no, it's warded well enough not to need traps. I'll need you to go in first though and undo the angel warding."

"You warded it against yourself?" Sam asked incredulously.

"Obviously, I wasn't about to allow myself to be blackmailed or tortured into showing everyone where I hid my stashes. Besides, it was for everyone's good. Raphael couldn't get into them either, and you know what would have happened if he'd had access."

Sam shrugged in agreement and started to unlock the container. Even with Balthazar's reassurances, he opened it with caution and searched it with his flashlight first before he stepped inside. But all he saw was painted wards and sigils, no booby traps. At least none that would do him any harm.

"Well?" Balthazar inquired impenitently.

"Hold on." Sam went in and scuffed several of the sigils with his knife and Balthazar stepped into the container.

"Now what?" Sam asked looking around at the stacks of crates and boxes, some with sigils painted onto them and some just plain. He had no idea where to start. He was vaguely amazed that even after all the crates of things he and Dean had uncovered in the Men of Letters bunker, there were still this many items with supernatural powers hanging around.

"We go on a treasure hunt," Balthazar told him simply and dragged a crate down to the floor. "I hope you brought some crowbars."

Sam took his bag from his shoulder and handed one of the crowbars to the angel.

"You really have more places full of stuff?" Sam asked as he pulled a large crate out and brushed some dust off of it. "How did you manage to smuggle all of this out of Heaven?"

"It was a mess; everyone angry about the upset you and your brother caused, no one was paying any attention to one lowly soldier slipping in and out of the vaults." Balthazar shrugged.

Sam snorted, shaking his head. He turned to pick up another crate, getting ready to open it.

"Oh, and Sam."

"Yeah?"

Balthazar nodded to the crate he was holding. "Don't…open anything that has sigils carved into it. They're there for a reason."

Sam looked down and quickly pushed the crate to one side, clearing his throat. "Yeah, probably a good idea."

They searched uneventfully for almost half an hour. Sam began to get more and more anxious that they wouldn't find the Box and that they were going to have to waste time driving down to Arizona unless Balthazar got his mojo working properly again. He didn't really think they had any time to waste. But they had already gone through over half of the boxes and still hadn't found what they were looking for.

Sam heaved a big crate out from the corner of the container with a sigh. It was probably too big to be Pandora's Box, but it was better to check anyway. However, when he opened it up, he saw that nestled inside among the packaging material was a large gold box with winged figures on the top. Seriously? Was that…? He quickly snatched his hands away.

"Careful, you wouldn't want to get your face melted off," Balthazar quipped as he glanced over his shoulder.

"You have the freaking Ark of the Covenant locked away here?" Sam demanded.

"What, you thought the Nazis had it? Please." Balthazar turned and put the lid back on the box, before reaching down and grabbing a smaller crate. "Ah, this looks promising." He set his crowbar to it and Sam watched curiously as he pulled out packing material and gave a satisfied smile.

"Hello, what have we here?" He said as he pulled out what looked like the kind of urn people's ashes were kept in. Except it was painted with swirling designs that upon closer inspection took the shape of people wailing in despair. Sam got a bad vibe just looking at the thing.

"Is that it?" he asked.

"Indeed it is; lucky break, eh?" Balthazar carefully lowered the urn back into the box.

"Okay then, let's go."

"Not so fast."

Sam and Balthazar turned to see two men standing at the opening of the container. Sam could tell they were angels by the blades they carried in their hands.

Balthazar gave them a winning smile. "Brothers, it's been a long time."

One stepped forward with a frown. "Balthazar? But you're supposed to be…"

"Dead? Yes, resurrection's been going around. I trust you missed the visit upstairs by none other than Michael?"

The two angels looked at each other in shocked surprise.

"Yes, they're all back now, ready to fight the Darkness," Balthazar told them. "They were hoping to enlist the help of the host but you two must have missed the memo."

"We detected wards being lifted and felt the energy of the missing items," one of the angels said. "We came to investigate. We didn't exactly expect to find one of our deceased brothers and a Winchester."

"Ah, new alarm systems?" Balthazar asked. "Good, the old ones were, well, terrible, but I was glad for it, surely."

One of the angels covered Sam as the other stepped forward with his blade pointed at Balthazar. "You will return the items you stole and come back to serve punishment."

"Dear brother, with the archangels back, these are much safer left unfound, I'm sure you can agree," Balthazar appealed.

"He's right," Sam added, gaining glares from the angels. "If Balthazar hadn't stolen the weapons in the first place, Raphael probably would have restarted the Apocalypse and ended the world already."

"And made sure you and your brother couldn't cause any more trouble," The angle guarding Sam growled and took a step forward. Sam cautiously held his hands up, but he was ready to reach into his jacket and grab the angel blade he kept there.

"If you won't come quietly, we'll have to take you by force," the angel standing in front of Balthazar said.

Balthazar heaved a gusty sigh. "Oh, very well." He suddenly dropped his blade into his hand and attacked the other angel before he knew what was going on. They traded blows, but by then, the second angel was leaping toward Sam, throwing him back into the crates. Sam grunted and landed heavily, the corner of one box, digging into his hip painfully as he fought his blade free.

Then Balthazar was thrown against a stack of crates and one with warding slid off the top and crashed onto the ground before popping open. Something rolled out of it, and Sam was about to grab it before Balthazar shouted, "Close your eyes!"

Sam did as he was told, raising an arm to cover his eyes, thinking Balthazar was going to smite the other angels, but instead of the burst of heat and light, there were cut off screams and a strange cracking noise. Sam cautiously pulled his arm away from his face and caught sight of Balthazar lowering something scaly and tangled into the box, a look of distaste on his face. Sam then turned to see the two angels frozen in fighting positions, solid stone.

"Well, that was exciting. I never did get the chance to try it out. Had no idea it would work on angels," Balthazar commented as he slammed the lid back onto the box.

Sam just stared at him, open-mouthed. "You had Medusa's Head in Heaven's weapon vault?"

"No, some of it's from my private collection," Balthazar shrugged before picking up the crate with Pandora's Box in it. "Now, why don't we get out of here before more angels decide to show up."

Sam couldn't agree more. He quickly locked the container back up and soon they were heading on the long drive back to Kansas.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dean!"

Gabriel's warning came too late. Dean didn't even get the chance to spin around before he felt a burning pain in his lower back. He was thrown to the ground, agony flaring up in his body, emanating from a spot around his lower ribs. He tried to reach his weapon, which he had dropped on impact but it was kicked out of his hand and he was shoved onto his injured back to look up into the face of a demon with a blade held at the ready.

The rest of the demons were pushing in closer, surrounding them, and Dean was sure this was the end for both of them when Gabriel suddenly stiffened and shuddered before dropping into a crouch and going ballistic. He took out the demon about to attack Dean then spun around to take out two more before another came up behind him. Dean lifted his hand to point, but the warning died on his lips as Gabriel spun around, taking the demon's blade in his side without so much as a blink as he jammed his angel blade into the demon's gut and was heading for another before the demon even finished sparking.

He took out another demon with a brutal stab to the throat, and the rest decided it was best to beat a hasty retreat. Gabriel stood and watched for a second before he was crouching down beside Dean, a solemn, worried look on his face. "Dean, are you all right?"

Dean was surprised. He expected some kind of snarky comment about his fighting skills, but Gabriel stayed concerned and Dean couldn't comment because he suddenly realized he was choking on blood. He reached up to grasp his chest, which was suddenly tight and getting worse. The blade must have punctured a lung because he felt like he was drowning.

He coughed and blood bubbled from his mouth down his chin. Gabriel's face crumpled into pained concern and he reached out to heal Dean, but his eyes suddenly rolled up in his head and he slumped back on his heels with a grunt.

"The hell?" Gabriel shouted to no one in particular, a shocked expression on his face. He then saw Dean lying there choking and hurriedly pressed a hand to his chest. Dean felt himself infused with the warmth of angel mojo and his wound closed almost instantly.

He gasped a breath, sitting upright and spitting blood from his mouth before wiping his chin and looking incredulously at the archangel sitting next to him. "Gabriel? What the hell was that?"

Gabriel climbed to his feet and kicked one of the demon corpses. "That was Castiel making a really poor decision!" he yelled the last part as he stowed his blade back in his coat somewhere. Dean cautiously climbed to his feet, realization dawning on him.

"Wait, that was Cas?" he demanded.

Gabriel gave him an annoyed look. "Yeah, he decided to take the wheel for a minute, the idiot."

Dean frowned, not knowing what to say so instead he looked down and pointed at Gabriel's side. "Uh, you're bleeding."

Gabriel glanced down and cursed. "Getting my vessel perforated too, perfect." His palm glowed and the wound as well as the blood and the tear in his clothes vanished. He looked around at the dead demons and grimaced. "Yep, looks like we need to scramoose before the fuzz get wind of this."

Dean felt the angel's hand clamp over his shoulder and in another second they were standing back in the bunker. Dean shook off the lingering vertigo of angel travel and, looking around, realized that no one was back yet.

"Excuse me, I'm going to have a chat with my idiot brother," Gabriel told him and disappeared into the library.

Dean, not having anything else to do, went to change out of his bloody clothes. Cleaning up in the bathroom, he couldn't help but touch the spot on his back where only minutes before the demon's blade had stabbed him. He lifted his shirt and turned his back to the mirror, seeing smooth skin with just some smeared blood. He shook his head. On one hand, he was glad that Cas seemed to be well enough that he could overpower Gabriel and take control of his vessel, but he had also seen Cas go at those demons. Cas was a good fighter, he had never doubted that, but the recklessness he had shown was something Dean hadn't seen in years. Not since Cas' grace had been depleted and he had to be more careful because he didn't heal as quickly as he used to before being cast out of heaven. And he was sure Cas wouldn't normally show such disregard for a brother's vessel like he had just done with Gabriel.

Something was definitely going on with Cas and Dean really hoped they could get to the bottom of it before the angel did something even more stupid.

Of course, their first priority was Amara because if they didn't get her locked up then none of them would be around to help anyone. He just hoped that Cas would hold out that long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel was sitting slumped on the end of the bed when Gabriel stormed into the pocket room, slamming the door behind him. The lesser angel didn't even bother looking up as Gabriel glared daggers at him.

"What, may I be so bold as to ask, did you think you were doing?" Gabriel demanded, striding forward until he was standing in his little brother's personal space.

Castiel glanced up, a vaguely defiant look on his face. "Dean was in danger, I saved him."

"I was handling it!" Gabriel cried. "You're not even supposed to be watching what's going on, you're supposed to be resting!"

Castiel turned away from him. "I can help."

"Cas, it's not about helping or not helping, it's about getting better!" Gabriel cried in exasperation. "You went at those demons without any sense or reservation—you got us stabbed! You're lucky it wasn't with an angel blade the demon was using! And then you were about to heal Dean with your mojo which, in your condition, probably would have put you into a coma!"

Castiel surged to his feet angrily, inches from Gabriel's face. "So you just expect me to sit here and continue to be useless?"

"Not useless, Cas, a little R&R! That's nothing to be ashamed of. We all need that sometimes."

Castiel tried to push past him but he stumbled and almost fell. Gabriel was quick to grab him, and slipped an arm around his shoulders in support. "See? You can hardly stand now. Are you hurt at all?"

"I'm fine," Castiel grumbled.

Yeah, he was so far from fine he wasn't even in the same universe. "Cas, cut the crap. You're under my orders. Bed rest. And if you pull a stunt like that again, I will lock this room from the inside too."

"So you'll keep me a prisoner like Lucifer did," Castiel stated blandly.

That stung. Gabriel dropped him rather roughly onto the bed and jabbed a finger at the lesser angel, anger surging through him. "Don't you dare, Castiel. I am not your jailor, I am doing this because I care."

One side of Cas' mouth pulled up wryly. "I think I understand now why Sam gets so angry with Dean."

Gabriel huffed. "Yeah, big brothers suck, get over it. Lay down, featherhead." He shoved Cas back onto the pillows and pressed a hand to his forehead as he administered another dose of healing grace. Castiel relaxed slightly, looking drowsy again and allowed Gabriel to pull the blanket back over top of him.

"Just….don't do that again, idiot," Gabriel told him, the bite gone from his voice. He could hardly be angry when his little brother was curled in bed, looking like a fledgling again.

Castiel didn't reply, staring at the wall opposite him and the archangel sighed and turned around, leaving the pocket room. He really wanted to lock it from the inside, but he knew that if he did he would lose Castiel's trust, and he couldn't quite stand the thought of that, even if it was probably for his own good. Not knowing now that Lucifer had done the same.

A shudder went through Gabriel and he shook his head. No, he would not take after his older brother.

But he would be keeping a wary eye on his younger one.


	8. A Heaven of Hell, A Hell of Heaven

Michael and the other archangels didn't return until late that night. The meeting with the angels must not have gone well because Michael was pissed—more than usual, anyway—and he wasn't in a sharing mood. Lucifer on the other hand looked smug. Dean braced himself for the inevitable.

"I told you they wouldn't want to join in," the fallen archangel said. "They're too scared, Michael, they won't even come to the field for you."

"This is all Castiel's fault," Raphael muttered darkly.

"Hey, don't bring Cas into this," Dean protested having to step in. "He's the only one who ever cared enough to do anything."

"Oh, he did plenty," Michael snapped. "That's the problem. Because of his previous failures in the name of good intention, the host is afraid anything they do is going to destroy everything that they have fought so hard to put back together."

"That's bull, it's not Cas' fault that the other angels are too cowardly to fight for their own safety. Don't they get that Amara is going to kill us all? You just want someone to blame so you don't have to be the ones to take the fall."

Michael strode toward the hunter and shoved him back against a bookcase hard enough to bruise and knock a few books to the floor. Dean bit back a grunt. "Don't presume to know what others think."

"Drama," Lucifer said in a singsong voice, a grin on his face.

Gabriel, oddly, had been sitting silently in one corner of the room up to that point; obviously still angry about the stunt Cas had pulled that day. But now he got up and stepped toward Michael, pulling him away from Dean.

"Don't sweat it. We can still do it without backup; it would just be better if we had it. We'll make do, and if the angels decide to join, then great. But I wouldn't hold your breath."

Michael huffed and stepped away, pacing agitatedly. Dean didn't like how worked up he was right now and decided to try and stay out of his way as much as possible. Raphael stood like a statue in a corner of the room, and Lucifer plopped into one of the chairs at the table and propped his feet up, having somehow gotten his hands on a copy of Busty Asian Beauties. Dean groaned in the back of his throat. He couldn't wait to get rid of the roommates from hell. He wasn't even going to be pedantic about them actually being denizens of heaven.

He sighed and crossed the room to where Gabriel had retreated once again to an overstuffed library chair, a pile of candy bars and empty wrappers on the table beside him. He unwrapped another and ate it in a few bites before returning to the pile of sugar. Dean raised an eyebrow.

"You know, I'm not one to judge, but that looks kind of desperate—not to mention like you have PMS. There's a pill for that, you know."

Gabriel glowered up at him. "Oh, bite me, Winchester."

Dean's brows quirked up in surprise, but he shrugged. "So, is Cas okay?"

Gabriel was silent as he chewed and crumpled the candy wrapper before halting his binge for a moment to look up at Dean. "He didn't take any real physical damage, if that's what you mean. But otherwise? I don't know. I didn't really think he used to be that reckless."

Dean sighed and shook his head. "He's not usually. I mean, he's had to be more careful since he's at half power now."

"That's what I was afraid of," Gabriel sighed and glanced over to where Michael was raising his voice again to Lucifer. "You might want to make yourself scarce. Michael is like a rabid dog right now and he'll bite anyone who gets within his circle of personal self-righteousness."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, I see that." He decided to head toward the kitchen and make something for dinner. As he started pulling stuff out for hamburgers, his phone buzzed and he looked at it, seeing it was a text from Sam saying they were an hour away.

Well, at least something seemed to be going right.

~~~~~~~~~~

Gabriel was brooding. Yeah, he would admit it. He couldn't really help it. Sitting there listening to his brothers squabble was just like it had been back in Heaven before everything totally blew up and he had been forced to make the hardest choice of his life. He hated brooding—it was so not his style. Well, not the style he liked to portray anyway. His brooding self was too much like his real inner self that he didn't like to show anyone. Hence the colorful, devious, yet admittedly awesome, exterior that was the Trickster. But he didn't even have it in his heart to be that anymore. Not right now. So he was left brooding without a reprieve, sinking deeper and deeper into himself. Damn, he was going to have to stop this before he actually got to the soul searching. That was totally off limits.

Thankfully he was saved as the bunker door opened and Sam and Balthazar appeared.

"Just in time, grub's ready," Dean called, coming from the kitchen where the smell of hamburgers emanated, as everyone's attention turned to the new arrivals. "You got it?"

"Yup," Sam said, relief obvious in his voice as Balthazar set a small crate down on the table and opened it, pulling out a really ugly urn that shot off instant evil vibes that almost made Gabriel's skin crawl.

"That's it?" Dean asked skeptically as he came into the room to stare at the item. "I thought it was supposed to be a box?"

"Common misconception," Balthazar replied. "Oh, and I hope it goes without saying—don't open it!"

"Not planning on it," Dean muttered as he watched Balthazar carefully pack the urn back into the crate. "So now all we're waiting on is Crowley to come through with a spell."

"What about the angel front? Are they with us?" Sam asked before Gabriel could make a slicing motion over his throat.

"They refused," Michael growled. Whoa, he was going to have an aneurism if he didn't stop clenching his jaw like that.

"Yeah, touchy subject right now, Sammy," Lucifer said in a loud aside. "Mikey's just upset that his pets turned him down."

Michael spun and in two long steps, yanked Lucifer from his seat, throwing him into the bookcase, various books falling to the floor and making Sam wince—probably for the books.

"I have had just about enough of you," Michael said in clipped syllables.

"Only you and everyone else, don't feel too bad about it," Lucifer sneered.

Michael shook his head and shoved him against the bookcase hard before letting him go. "You were always no naïve, little brother."

"Better naïve than a suck up," Lucifer retorted.

Michael spun around and threw Lucifer across the room where he almost hit Gabriel. Gabriel got to his feet, ready for anything should Michael choose to turn on his next.

Michael fumed, causing several lamps to crackle and pop while Lucifer hauled himself to his feet, laughing.

"Oh, Michael, you always were all talk. The good little soldier. But when it came down to it, you never really had the conviction to actually get anything done, did you? Look at you. Even now you can't even keep me down."

"Okay, enough," Dean snapped, the idiot taking a step forward, thus allowing Michael to notice him. "Why don't we all just—"

Gabriel only had a split second to react, jumping in front of the blast of power Michael shot from his palm that would have disintegrated Dean instantly. As it was, it still hurt like a son of a bitch, the blast taking Gabriel right in the center of his chest and throwing him backward so hard he smashed one of the library chairs and moved the long study table halfway across the room upon impact. He lay stunned in the wreckage, ears ringing, whole body numb, and hearing people calling his name as if from far away.

"Gabriel! Gabe!" he vaguely felt Lucifer's aura close by, but he didn't care. Didn't want him to care now when he never seemed to before. Gabriel quickly checked to make sure Castiel's pocket room was still secure before he opened his eyes, letting out a groan. To his surprise both Lucifer and Michael were crouched next to him and Balthazar was close by with the Winchesters, though none of them seemed to want to get too close to the archangels. Raphael looked on with all the interest he ever showed.

"Gabriel, can you hear me?" Lucifer was asking.

"Dude, are you okay, you're smoking?" Dean asked cautiously. The elder Winchester looked shaken and he should, since he had been mighty close to being disintegrated. He should damn well be grateful too for Gabriel saving his ass at his own expense.

He ignored all of them though and shoved Michael and Lucifer away from him angrily. "Can't you just stop for five minutes?" Gabriel demanded, hauling himself up from the wreckage of the chair. "Do you ever stop? Why can't you just be civil for once in your life?!"

Michael's face became stoic again. "This doesn't concern you, Gabriel."

"Doesn't concern me?" Gabriel demanded. "You're my brothers, of course it concerns me! Now can you stop being assholes for a minute and actually listen?" He shook his head, his body practically shaking with the anger that was flowing through him. "Nothing has ever changed. You two are always fighting and it's stupid because if you actually thought about it, you're so much alike it's ridiculous! You just go about things differently and neither of you are right! You both always had your heads too far up your asses to realize that there was more to life than just the two of you. You pretend to care, but you never really do and it drives me mad! It always did. If you two had just stowed your crap and stopped stabbing each other in the back, you could have actually seen that you had a family that cared and needed you, but you were never there. And you wonder why Heaven fell apart. You wonder why Dad left. Well, you kept complaining about how he abandoned us, when you went and did the same damn thing!"

Michael actually looked a bit chastened. Hell was probably due to freeze over next. "I…never knew you felt that way."

"Of course you didn't!" Gabriel cried, clenching his fists at his sides. He was on a roll now and there was really no point in stopping. "How could you when all you ever paid attention to was your petty disputes, and your self-righteousness! You had so much to prove to yourself that you never had time for anyone else! It was all about you trying to be a good soldier and doing everything right and only because you knew Lucifer was Dad's favorite and you couldn't stand it. You couldn't stand to think that you, the eldest, weren't the golden boy. But you never stopped to think how the rest of us felt. How it made us feel to have to watch you and Lucifer tear each others' throats out day after day in some dominance ritual until it escalated to rebellion and civil war and taking sides against family members and I just couldn't take it! You want to call me a coward for leaving? Fine. You all thought I was too immature, didn't care if the Apocalypse happened or rather, didn't have the responsibility to care. But the truth is that I cared so much about all of you assholes that your infighting tore my heart out." Gabriel's voice choked slightly with emotion, and he didn't even care. "God loved his creation, Lucifer loved God, Michael loved himself—but I loved you dicks, okay? All I ever wanted was a family and no one even cared enough to see that. So I went and found my own, but it wasn't really the same. It wasn't the same."

Michael cast his eyes down. Lucifer shuffled and Raphael still had the same constipated expression he usually did, but at least he wasn't scoffing for once. Gabriel felt wrung out after his emotional outburst. He had never been so honest with his brothers. He had always worn his tricks and his indifferent, snarky attitude as a cover for what he was really feeling; the grins and jokes to hide how much he was hurting, but it felt almost freeing to finally get what he really felt off his chest.

"And maybe it's too late now to be a family, a lot of things have changed—I'm not even sure I want the same thing I thought I did once. But I at least wanted you to know why I left."

"Gabriel, I'm…" Michael stopped, almost choking, his face twisted in concentration. "I apologize."

Bam, there it was. The one thing Gabriel thought he'd never hear. He wasn't sure he could ever forgive Michael or Lucifer for what they had done, but wasn't it true that sometimes you could forgive someone and not let them back into your life? He knew that whatever had been between them once—before everything, before the humans—was gone. The thing that Gabriel had once craved so deeply that he could never have. But he also knew that there were other ways to get that. He looked over at Sam and Dean and thought of Castiel and knew it was possible to find a family of your own. Heck, he had done that when he had run away, and some of the pagans had been like his brothers and sisters…some of them more than that. He thought fondly of a certain Goddess of Destruction. But hearing Michael actually apologize…while it didn't even erase a fraction of the wrongs done, the fact that Michael had actually said as much and to him worked in its own way. And for now, or probably forever, since he wasn't likely to get more, that was enough.

"I appreciate it," Gabriel said quietly. "Now, I've had enough of everyone's crap. Michael, I don't care what happened to you in the cage. Get the hell over it. Sam was Luci's plaything and he's walking and talking, isn't he? And stop trying to kill Dean every time you want to lash out. So he rejected you, so what? You're a dick. Lucifer, stop being a little shit. Raphael, a little less glowering wouldn't go amiss. You three…" he turned to point at Balthazar and the Winchesters seeing them all still stunned at his previous outburst. "Keep on keeping on. I'm out for the night."

He strolled into the dormitory ward and found an unclaimed room where he slammed the door and slumped down on the bed. His whole body ached. He had tried to hide it in front of the others, but Michael's blast had really done a number on him. He pulled his shirt open and saw the singed flesh of his vessel. He winced, healing the surface, though the blast had gone into his grace, and he was going to need a night of rest and recuperation to heal completely. First though, he was going to go check on Cas and make sure he hadn't gotten any backlash from the hit.

He closed his eyes and looked inward, heading to the pocket room that was still secure. He opened it, hoping he would find Cas sleeping, but the lesser angel was actually sitting on a chair in the corner, not doing anything but staring at the wall. Gabriel frowned as he entered the room, motioning to the opposite wall.

"You know there is an entire bookshelf, and a TV."

Castiel looked up at him briefly, before glancing back down at his hands which were clasped in his lap. "I don't feel like recreational pastimes at the moment."

Okay he was back to being Spock. Great. Gabriel sighed and closed the door behind him.

"Just wanted to see how you were doing. I can't give you another healing session right now, I'm afraid, since I had to take one for the team earlier."

Castiel looked up, vaguely concerned. "I felt the walls shudder. Are you alright?"

"Side-effects of having an ass for an older brother," he said dismissively leaning against the bedpost wearily.

Castiel frowned. "Michael did that?"

"It's no big deal, kiddo, I'll be fine with a couple hours of rack time." He quickly changed the subject. "In other news, Sam and Balthazar found Pandora's Box today. We're just waiting on Crowley to bring us a spell now."

"So you'll be fighting soon," Castiel said, his voice schooled, calm. So calm it started to raise Gabriel's alarms.

It wasn't a question, but Gabriel also knew he couldn't just leave it hanging. Castiel deserved better than that. "Yep. Hopefully all of this will work and we can take Amara down once and for all."

"I want to help," Castiel said.

Gabriel knew this had been coming, but it still wasn't going to make what he had to say any easier. "Cassie…"

"I'm healed enough to help with the fighting," Castiel protested, the waver of uncertainty in his voice a testament to how false that statement was.

Gabriel finally pushed off the bedpost to fully face his brother. "Castiel, you're not, and you know it. Sure, you might put a good foot forward, but how long can you really last against Amara in your current state? And without a vessel too—you know how dangerous it is for us to engage in battle in our true forms on this plane, you'll be more or less unprotected and Amara will know exactly where to strike."

"I can still fight, I'm not useless," Castiel insisted, desperation in his voice. "I just…I need to see this done."

Gabriel frowned, paced, and leaned against the dresser across the room, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why so ready to join the dance, kiddo? After everything you've done, I think you deserve to sit one out."

"Do any of us have the luxury to sit this one out?" Castiel glared. "Gabriel, please. I need to do this."

"Just what are you trying to prove?"

Castiel just shook his head, looking away and rubbing a hand against his thigh anxiously. Gabriel frowned even more, worry clenching in his stomach.

"Cas? Talk to me, bro."

"I just…I can't leave Sam and Dean to fight this alone. It's as much my fault as it is theirs and if something were to happen…"

Gabriel sighed and crossed the few steps to the bed so he could sit down. He leaned over with his elbows on his knees, only feet from Castiel. "Look, I get it. I get that you have loyalty to those two, but I'm not gonna let you go out there and get yourself killed because of it."

Castiel's eyes flashed up at him. "I'm not afraid to fight."

"I didn't say you were!"

"Not all of us are cowards, Gabriel," Castiel snapped and stood, swiftly retreating to the bathroom at one side of the room and slamming the door.

Gabriel was left staring at the shut door, his worry battling with the anger he felt toward Castiel's accusation. Okay so everyone thought he was a coward. Whatever. He'd been called worse. He certainly didn't have the strength to have that conversation again that night. "We'll talk more later, Cas," he called.

He left the pocket dimension and simply allowed his vessel to shut down for a while, lying on the borrowed bed that was too comfy for its own good. They could wake him when they had their spell. Right now, he was just going to enjoy of couple hours of rest.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dean woke the next morning to a phone call. He groaned, especially when he saw the 666 on the caller ID.

"Crowley," he said groggily.

"Did I wake you up? Apologies, you always were a late riser." Dean was so not in the mood for small talk with the smarmy King of Hell that morning. He rolled onto his back and looked at his watch. 7:30.

"Get to the point, Crowley. Do you have the spell?"

"I do, but it will take me a while to find the ingredients. I could go faster with a little help."

"Okay, well, send the list and you and Balthazar can corroborate on that."

"What? I'm not working with him."

"Crowley, you really don't have any choice in the matter, now stop whining. Text the info." He ended the call on Crowley's further protests and lay with his eyes closed for a minute. One of these days he was going to enjoy actually sleeping in and not having to get up to figure out how to save the world.

He hauled himself out of bed though and dressed, heading to the kitchen where he found a yawning Sam brewing a pot of coffee.

"Crowley called," Dean told him. "He's got the spell. I was going to send Balthazar to help him collect the ingredients."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "You sure that's a good idea?"

"Sam, none of this is a good idea, but…"

"Yeah, I know, beggars can't be choosers." Sam sighed and grabbed two coffee cups as the last of the brew gurgled into the pot. Dean gratefully accepted the full, steaming cup and sat down at the kitchen table.

Just when he thought they might get a relaxing morning, Gabriel strode in. Dean was somewhat surprised to see him vertical.

"Hey, didn't expect to see you up. You uh…you doing okay?" he asked.

Gabriel snorted and grabbed a cup of coffee before raiding the freezer and popping four waffles into the toaster. "I'll live. I got a few hours of rest. It's enough."

Dean's phone buzzed and he looked down and saw it was the text from Crowley with the spell ingredients. "Crowley found a spell."

"Good," Gabriel said, sounding relieved. "I can't wait to get this show on the road." He proceeded to make a plate with his waffles, adding syrup, peanut butter, chocolate chips and ice cream to it. It was enough to turn even Dean's stomach that early in the morning.

"Right, well, I guess that means another council of war. Let's hope no one tries to kill each other again." He paused before continuing. "By the way, thanks for, you know, taking the hit last night. I'm guessing I wouldn't have faired as well."

"There wouldn't have been enough of you to sweep up in a dustpan," Gabriel said blandly. He glared up at Dean and Sam, wagging his fork between them. "And if either of you even think of trying to use what I said last night to talk about emotions, I will smite you myself."

"Got it," Sam said quickly.

Dean started to make breakfast, and soon the sound of sizzling bacon was heard. They were getting down to the wire here, with their fight with Amara fast approaching, and he was vaguely worried about the fact that she hadn't shown up at all. Maybe she was still making plans herself. It just annoyed Dean that while he had this 'connection' or whatever with her, he really couldn't use it to help them. In fact, he felt pretty useless in this whole thing. He was actually kind of worried about how his bond with Amara would affect his performance in the fight. He didn't think she would actually be able to make him turn on his friends and family, but then, he still didn't know all the facts about how and why they were bound except he had been the bearer of the Mark when she was released. In any case, he figured he would at least have something to do with shoving her back in.

Well, one step at a time. Right now they needed to concentrate on the spell to keep her locked in the Box once they got her in.

Later that day, after Dean had sent Balthazar off with Crowley and the list of ingredients, everyone reconvened back at the bunker for their council of war. Crowley and Balthazar entered with strained features.

"I am never working with this feather duster again," Crowley growled at Dean as he threw a box of items down on the table.

"Speak for yourself, you took all the easy ones," Balthazar said before he went over to the bar in the library and made an exasperated sound. "Don't you even have a decent vintage lying around?"

"Alright," Dean broke it up. "Stop complaining. The quicker we get this done the quicker everyone can get away from each other."

Everyone took their seats with a grumble. Michael sat at the head of the table upon his insistence and he looked at Balthazar with some disdain at having to address him directly. But apparently he was the lesser of two evils because Michael wouldn't even acknowledge Crowley's existence.

"Well, what is this spell that we are using?"

"It's more of a compound binding ritual—very ancient," Crowley said while looking down his nose at Michael.

"Don't test me, demon, it's enough that you're sitting at this table."

"That's right, be a good puppy," Lucifer told him with a wink. Dean's eyes widened as he actually witnessed Crowley shudder.

"The spell will take some setting up," Balthazar explained. "We'll have to set up the place we plan to trap Amara with the Box and the proper sigils. In order to work properly, it will need to be powered by all four archangels, and will be bound with your blood." He looked at all of them seriously. "The important thing is that once I start the spell you must remain in the circle until it is completely activated or it won't work."

"And how are we going to keep Amara distracted in that time?" Sam asked.

"Someone will just have to do the distracting," Crowley said, glancing pointedly at Dean. "I suppose I must offer my services seeing as the heavenly host declines. I can run interference for a while."

"But how do we get Amara there in the first place?" Dean asked.

"You'll need a key," Balthazar said.

"Do we have one?" Sam asked.

Balthazar rolled his eyes. "Your brother, you idiot."

Sam cast a swift glance over at Dean and the elder Winchester swallowed hard.

"Hold on," Sam said. "This isn't like the Mark is it? It's not going to have any lasting effects?"

"No, it should be completely safe for everyone but Amara—as long as everything is done correctly," Balthazar stated.

"The trick is getting Amara close enough to transfer the binding spell," Crowley said.

Dean cleared his throat. "I think we're ignoring the elephant in the room here."

"Besides Sam, you mean?" Gabriel quipped. Sam shot him a bitchface.

Dean shook his head. "How the hell am I going to convince Amara that I'm not going to just trick her again if I meet up? She's never going to buy it after last time. I mean, it didn't even take her five minutes to see through my ruse before."

Gabriel thought a moment and then smirked. He turned to his brothers who instantly looked on high alert. "Fellas, I think it's time to start a rumor."

"Here we go," Lucifer sighed.

"About what?" Michael asked tiredly.

"The next Apocalypse."

 


	9. No Light, But Rather Darkness Visible

"Well this isn't awkward at all," Dean grumbled as he tried not to fidget at the tickling sensation of the paintbrush against his bare skin.

"Hold still," Crowley snapped as he continued to paint the sigils onto Dean's chest from the bowl he held that contained the blood of all four archangels. "Hope you're not ticklish," he quipped as he continued with several more across Dean's ribs and stomach. Dean grit his teeth to keep from jerking away. Sigils had already been painted up both of his arms and he was getting fidgety.

"So how is this going to work again exactly?" he asked to get his mind off the fact that the King of Hell was treating him like a grade school craft project.

"You're acting as the key to the lock," Balthazar replied. "The sigils will activate once phase one of the spell is complete on our end and after that you need only transfer them to Amara."

"And I do that how? You were a little fuzzy on the process," Dean inquired, deciding he probably wasn't going to like the answer.

"Close content," Gabriel said waggling his eyebrows with a wink. "Ya gotta touch. Intimately."

Lucifer, who apparently had nothing better to do than lounge around watching them, snorted a laugh at Dean's expression as the hunter demanded, "The hell does that mean?"

"Oh you'll manage it," Balthazar assured him from where he leaned against the wall. "You're good with the ladies, right? Wine her, dine her…have sex with her…"

"What?! No!" Dean shouted, jerking backward and almost smudging the sigil Crowley was working on, causing the demon to glare at him. "I didn't sign up to play hanky-panky with the freaking Darkness!"

"It's nothing you haven't done before, Dean," Crowley snapped.

"Just lie back and think of England," Balthazar smirked.

"And I thought your brother was a prude," Lucifer said, rolling his eyes.

"Alright, the peanut gallery is getting old real fast," Dean ground out.

Balthazar relented. "A kiss will suffice. Just make sure it happens after the sigils activate and before she realizes they're there. They're going to start glowing once that part of the spell is complete. You should be able to feel it."

"Yeah, I'm just still not sure I'm going to be able to convince her I don't mean her harm long enough for you to set the sigil up and get everything in order. Especially if I start lighting up like a freaking Christmas tree."

"You'll just have to be a good actor," Gabriel told him. "Besides, if my plan works, and it seems to be going well so far, she'll at least have something interesting to talk to you about." He cracked his knuckles. "I can even rough you up a bit, to look more convincing."

"I'll take my chances, thanks," Dean told him as Crowley painted the final stroke.

"There. All ready." The demon touched the largest symbol in the center of Dean's chest and with a flare of light they all disappeared, leaving a slight tingling sensation that made goose bumps break out over Dean's skin.

"That's it?" Dean asked.

"For now," Crowley replied.

Dean quickly donned his shirt again and turned to head to the kitchen, needing about ten beers after that experience.

He was rooting around for even one beer and cursing his houseguests who didn't even technically need to eat or drink his beer, when the familiar sound of a throat being cleared came from behind him.

He turned and saw Sam standing there with a worried crease on his brow. "Hey, did Crowley finish the sigils?"

"Yeah, do not put me down for demon art class," Dean grumbled. "You need something?"

Sam shifted in the way he did when an awkward conversation was going to happen and Dean braced himself, really wishing he'd found those beers now.

"Dean…" Sam finally said.

"Sammy, if this is…"

"Please, just let me finish," Sam said, holding up a hand and Dean stopped, pressing his lips together in expectation. Sam sighed. "Look, I just want to make sure that you're okay with this?"

"With being bait? Not much new there."

"Not like that," Sam said and bit his lip before leaning back against the counter and gripping it with his hands as if bracing himself. "Look. I know what we talked about at the beginning of all this, about not putting each other before the world and all, but, Dean, I just don't want you to do something stupid."

"What do you mean?" Dean demanded, slightly indignant.

"You know, like going farther with this than you need to."

"Sam, tell me what you really mean, because you know how I hate beating around the bush."

"Don't do what I did," Sam bit out. "Don't…don't jump into the Box with her."

Dean looked at him askance. "Sam, I'm not planning on jumping into Pandora's freaking Box with the Darkness."

"I know you may not be now, but we have no idea what's in store with this fight, Dean. I just don't want it to be your gut reaction to sacrifice yourself. I know what I said before." He closed his eyes. "And, while I don't think what we agreed is wrong I just don't want you to take it to mean that we should sacrifice ourselves for the greater good. Especially if we don't have to."

"Where's all this coming from all of a sudden?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sam huffed. "I don't know, just…seeing Cas say yes to Lucifer and all—I guess I had forgotten how hard it is to see someone you care about do something stupid like that. And Dean…we've actually be good again. Together, I mean, like we used to be. We haven't been like this in a long time." Sam motioned vaguely between them. "I guess I kind of don't want to lose that. I mean, despite everything, I'm actually happier than I've been in years. Content almost. I don't…I don't want to lose my big brother again. Especially now." He looked up at Dean almost sheepishly. "Is that wrong?"

Dean softened and actually managed to smile. "No, Sammy. And I promise you that I'm not going to do anything stupid. No jumping into Pandora's Box, no being Amara's boy toy or whatever. Hell, I'm planning on surviving this, so we can get Cas back on his feet, take our fricken' vacation. You good with that?"

Sam smirked and chuckled. "Yeah, I'm good with that."

Dean clapped him on the shoulder and nodded to one side. "Great, now we need to go on a supply run. You know I can't handle your damn chick flick moments without beer."

Sam snorted in agreement. "Yeah, definitely."

Dean grabbed his keys but even as they walked out to the car, he really hoped he wouldn't have to break his promise to Sam.

~~~~~~~~~~

Gabriel listened in on angel radio for the first time in, well, forever. He had totally cut everyone out when he had gone on his extended vacation from Heaven, but now he sat in the library listening, with an amused smirk as the angels sent confused and even panicked messages back and forth on account of the trouble Michael, Raphael and Lucifer were stirring up. It wasn't enough to gain the notice of the humans on a large scale—the Winchester duo had made very clear no humans were to be harmed in the course of their plan—but it was enough to set off alarms in heaven. Lucifer was currently engaged in 'recruiting' demons for Apocalypse take Two. At least Gabriel hoped he was only pretending for the sake of their ruse. Crowley had said that the demons didn't quite know what to do, and were busy conferring, which meant that word was spreading like wildfire through the supernatural community, which is exactly what Gabriel had been hoping for. He smiled to himself, pleased. It was always good when a plan worked.

However, there was nothing else he could do there, and there was one thing he'd been putting off all day, and that was visiting Cas. He hadn't wanted to admit how much Cas' comment the night before had stung, especially when he had literally just found the courage enough to tell Michael and Lucifer what he really thought. But at the same time, if he didn't go see Cas, then he would only be proving his point that he was a coward. He really hated paradoxes.

Eventually though, his general worry over his brother's condition drove him to ignore any reservations he might have, and he went to the pocket room and swung the door open as casually as possible. He found Cas sitting in the same chair he had been before, but at least this time he had a book in his lap, even if he didn't seem to really be concentrating on it.

"Hey Cas, you doing better?"

Castiel looked up. "I do feel a bit stronger."

Gabriel went in and plopped onto the bed since Cas wasn't using it, stretching out with hands behind his head. "So get this, we had to think of a reason for Dean to defect to Amara's side and so Michael and Lucifer are pretending to re-start the Apocalypse."

Castiel set the book aside, frowning at him. "Are you sure that's wise?"

"They're on board," Gabriel shrugged. "Don't worry, I won't let them go too far. We got the spell set up too."

"So the fight will be soon?"

"Tomorrow, hopefully, if all goes well," Gabriel said, watching him carefully. "Amara will have gotten wind of our plan by then, especially after Michael sends out his 'end is nigh' speech tonight."

"And Dean," Cas said carefully. "He isn't in any danger?"

"No more than the rest of us," Gabriel assured him.

"I want to talk to Sam and Dean," Castiel said after a long pause, looking up to meet Gabriel's eyes. "Before the battle."

Gabriel nodded slowly, deciding there wasn't any harm in that. As long as Castiel didn't try to commit grand theft vessel. "I'm sure they'd like to hear from you. Not sure they really believe me when I say I'm looking after you."

The lesser angel almost smiled and was silent for a long time before he said, "Do you think the plan will work?"

Gabriel chuckled. "Work? Hell, who knows? I do know that it's our only chance, though, so I guess it's gonna have to."

Silence again, then, "I'm sorry for what I said before. I…didn't mean to insinuate that you were a coward."

Gabriel laughed. "Like I haven't been called worse? You were right though, I have been a coward most of my life, but, hey, I guess we're all turning over new leaves. I got a second chance. Feels good doesn't it? Getting a second round of things."

"I think it's more of a curse than a blessing," Castiel replied blandly, wearily, and again, Gabriel felt that tightening of his insides that he hated so much. He shook it off though and forced a smile.

"How about we go make that collect call, eh?"

Castiel nodded. "Okay."

~~~~~~~~~~

Sam and Dean got back from their supply run and were almost instantly accosted by Gabriel. Dean promptly shoved the beer out of reach.

"Look, if you want any more, you can mojo your own, okay? I'm tired of you drinking all my beer and eating all my food!"

"Woah, touchy much?" Gabriel held up his hands. "I come in peace. Just wanted to update you on the situation. It seems to be going well, and we should be able to put our plan into action tomorrow."

Dean stiffened. "Already? We don't need a few more days for word to get around?"

"I don't think it's safe to wait a few more days," Gabriel said honestly. "Lucifer might get a little too eager, if you know what I mean. And if we wait too much longer the angels and demons are going to think they have to act on principle if nothing else."

"Yeah, we don't want that," Sam said quickly.

"Besides, we don't want Amara striking back either. It's best to do this as soon as possible, before she can come up with a plan of her own."

"Alright then, I guess we'll do it tomorrow," Dean said. Honestly, he was a little wary of enacting the plan so soon, but there was really no point in dragging it out either, and they had everything for the spell set up but for the location, which Crowley was out scouting for as they spoke.

"Anyway, in other news, you boys have a call waiting from Castiel," Gabriel told them.

"Cas?" Dean asked, his anxiety about having to meet with Amara instantly taking the backseat.

Gabriel held up one finger. "Please hold." His eyes closed and his body shuddered a second before his eyes opened again with a slight sigh, shoulders slumped as if carrying a heavy weight, but his eyes met both the Winchesters' in turn.

"Sam, Dean," the voice of Gabriel's vessel was oddly deeper and gruffer used by Cas, but it was obviously Cas and not the archangel. Dean could see it in his eyes. They looked so weary and pained that it made Dean's throat ache.

"Hey, Cas, it's good to hear from you, buddy," he said sincerely with a smile.

"Yeah, how are you?" Sam asked with the concerned wrinkle in his brow.

"I am…better," Cas gave a vague shrug. "Gabriel has been taking care of me, helping me heal."

"That's good," Sam said.

"I hear you are fighting the Darkness tomorrow," Castiel said.

"Yeah, we got everything ready to go," Dean said as casually as possible.

"I…only wish I could be there at the final battle," Cas said, casting his eyes down. "I offered my services, but Gabriel said I wasn't ready to fight yet."

"Cas, you're job is to get better, okay?" Dean told him with a small smile.

"Yeah, don't worry about us, we'll be fine," Sam added. "You just rest."

Cas' shoulders seemed to slump even more, but he looked back up at the brothers again. "I wish you luck, and be careful. Goodbye, Dean, Sam."

Before they could say another word, the vessel's eyes closed again and Gabriel popped back with a shake.

"Well, you good?" the archangel asked. "Okay then, I'm gonna check in with Michael."

Dean cast a look at Sam before he turned back toward the kitchen, planning on throwing some dinner together, but as he did, he had the nagging suspicion that something hadn't been right about their conversation with Cas. He really hoped their friend wasn't planning on doing anything stupid.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel sat on the edge of the bed in his pocket room, thinking of the conversation with Sam and Dean. His goodbye. They had only confirmed his suspicions—that they thought he would only be a burden in the fight, that the only thing he was good for anymore was a fixture. Maybe someone considered a friend, but not a partner anymore. Not after he had lost most of his powers. He didn't blame them though; he had made his peace with being useless. Used up. Expendable.

And that was why he decided he was going to fight the next day without Gabriel's consent. He had been afraid after he had taken over his vessel in the scrap with the demons that Gabriel would lock him in, but he hadn't. He had trusted Castiel, and while breaking that trust did hurt Cas a bit, Gabriel had been the one to teach him that sometimes you needed to do the wrong things for the right reasons. And his reason was just. Not only would he offer his life to protect those he cared about most, but he would also finally be paying his penance. Perhaps he could finally find peace.

He took a deep breath to compose himself. He was scared, yes. But he was also relived that this time tomorrow it would all be over. All his suffering, all the suffering he had caused others with his mistakes. The Winchesters might be angry with his choice, especially Dean, but he hoped they would understand eventually. And at least he had gotten to say goodbye to them. That was more than Lucifer would have offered.

He bowed his head, hands clasped in his lap, and began to pray for the strength to do what he had to. "Father, I hope you will forgive me for what I need to do…"

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean didn't sleep, his stomach was in knots thinking about Amara and every time he did manage to close his eyes, his dreams were fills with images of her destroying everyone he cared about, or being lost in endless darkness, unable to find Sam or Cas no matter how long he screamed for them.

He took a long shower before he showed himself, and found everyone else already in the library, waiting like he was for the day. Sam offered a reassuring smile.

"We have the location," Crowley told him. "All we need now is for you to dangle your scrumptious self in front of Amara."

"Great, I can't wait," Dean grumbled.

"Don't see why you're complaining, you have the easy job," Lucifer sighed.

"Yeah, I have to trust you to have my back," Dean shot back.

Lucifer clutched his chest. "I'm wounded, Dean, really."

"You wanna trade places, be my guest."

Lucifer hummed and shook his head. "Mmm, I'll pass. Been there, done that."

"So, are we doing this or what?" Dean asked. He didn't even consider breakfast. His stomach would never handle it.

"Oh, I almost forgot, I have prezzies for the human bystanders," Crowley said and reached into his pocket, going over to Sam and Dean. He dropped what looked to be a glowing crystal pendant into each of their hands.

"What are these?" Sam asked.

"Miniature soul bombs. You throw them on the ground to activate. Won't do Amara lasting harm, but they will distract her and buy you time if she's after you."

"Thanks, Crowley," Sam said with surprised sincerity as he looped his over his head and Dean did the same.

"My pleasure, use them wisely." The King of Hell looked at Dean. "Are you going to be able to do what you have to?"

"Are you?" Dean asked. "You and Amara were all cozy for a while. I just have a freaky-ass bond that I never asked for."

"Fatherhood is overrated," Crowley shrugged. "You know me, Dean. I'm not sentimental." He turned to the others. "Come on, let's go set up." And then he and all the angels except Gabriel disappeared.

Dean sighed and stood up. "Well, I guess there's no reason to prolong this."

"Nope, you should be on your way," Gabriel said and strode over to Dean right before he slugged him in the face.

"Ow! What the hell?!" Dean yelled, holding a hand to his throbbing nose. "I thought we agreed that I didn't need to look like I had gotten beat up."

"Oops, forgot," Gabriel shrugged. "Besides, I still owe you one for the times you neglected my little bro, and well, just in case I don't get the chance later, right?"

Dean glared at him and Gabriel shrugged. "Right, well, off you go."

Dean muttered under his breath about feathered douchebags and turned to Sam, as he touched his face with a wince. Sam gave him a sympathetic look.

"You good?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fricken' fantastic," Dean grumbled before turning to Sam with a sigh. "Look, be careful okay? Hopefully we'll be able to time this thing right, but if it's off at all, you're going to be exposed and vulnerable, and I doubt Amara would think twice about taking you down."

"I know, but you be careful too," Sam replied. "She's gonna be pissed when she finds out what you did."

"Don't I know it," Dean muttered and reached out to squeeze the side of Sam's neck a small smile appearing. "See you on the flip side."

Sam smiled back and dragged his brother in for a hug. "You know it." He pulled back, slapped Dean on the shoulder, then went over to Gabriel so they too could go to the site. Dean turned and left, knowing that if he hesitated any longer, he might very well lose the little courage he had left.

He got into the Impala and turned the key in the ignition. He took a deep breath as her engine rumbled to life and then he drove out of the garage.

He headed to the same woods he had met Amara in before, and readied himself to sell his part, running into the trees and shouting for her.

"Amara! Amara! If you can hear me, we need to talk!"

She appeared way before he was planning for her to. Standing behind him as he spun around, making him start.

"We have nothing to talk about, Dean," she said firmly. "After what happened last time. Why should I trust you now?"

"Because now I'm desperate," Dean told her, panting slightly from his run, hoping he was pulling off the desperate act. "And if you really didn't want to talk, you wouldn't have showed. Have you heard what's going on?"

She paused, some curiosity appearing in her eyes. "I heard rumors…something about another apocalypse. But that hardly concerns me, I will have the end of the world I want before they have the chance."

Dean shook his head. "You don't get it. Look, they don't care about you, they want to start their own apocalypse, start over where it left off. Michael's wanting to jump my bones again, Lucifer wants Sam. You know it won't end well for any of us if that happens." Dean tried to look convincing. "I guess I just realized that endless bliss is looking pretty damn good compared to what's in store if those asshats come into power."

Amara looked at him skeptically. "So you're…coming to my side now? How do I know this isn't a ruse?"

"You heard what's going on, right? The things they're setting up? Both Michael and Lucifer," Dean tried to appeal. "It was dangerous enough coming out here to talk to you. Come on, Amara, look into my eyes and tell me I'm lying."

That was a gamble, but he told himself to believe the lie and then hope that Amara did the same. She stared at him for a long time, before Dean lowered his voice, practically pleading.

"Please. I don't like this, but I just figure, if the world is going to end either way, it's better to have nothing than a world of pain." He closed his eyes and shook his head. This part was easy because it wasn't really a lie. "Honestly, I'm tired. I can't stop two more apocalypses. I just want it to be over." He paused and braced himself, taking several deep breaths before he said, "I'll—I'll come with you." His voice was so dry it came out as little more than a whisper.

"What was that?" Amara asked, cocking her head as if she hadn't heard him correctly.

Dean swallowed hoping he didn't come across as being too nervous, when in reality his nervousness stemmed from the fact that deep down, the part of him that was bound with Amara actually meant it. "I said that I'll come with you. But only if you will lay off my friends and family, alright? You hurt them, our deal is off."

Amara narrowed her eyes at him, stepping closer. "You would really do that? Give up everything to be with me?"

"Yes," he lied, stepping closer to her too, seeing she was interested and hoping he wasn't about to lose her. Something tickled up the length of his arms and over his chest. The sigils were activating, he needed to close this fast. "I'm tired of this world, Amara. I just want peace. I want…you."

Amara smiled slightly, reaching out to stroke his cheek. He leaned into her instinctively, whatever bond they had pulling at him. He didn't stop himself this time though. Even though a shudder of revulsion ran through his subconscious at the action, he allowed himself to lean even closer, eyes closed, and pressed his lips to hers.

Amara leaned into the kiss, her hands on his shoulders as Dean slipped a hand to the small of her back to pull her closer. He felt the tingle on his chest as the final sigil there activated and hoped this thing would work like Balthazar had said it would. He felt a sudden, warm tug from the center of his chest and held his breath, waiting…

Amara suddenly gasped and broke the kiss. She looked down at her arms, seeing glowing sigils burning themselves into her skin and tracing up to her shoulders. She reached out and yanked Dean's shirt up, seeing the last of the sigils erase themselves from his skin to settle on her own breast.

"What have you done?" she demanded, shoving him backwards, her eyes stormy. The sky was starting to blacken. She stared at him in disbelief. "You have betrayed me."

"Sorry, Amara, I can't let you destroy the world," Dean told her firmly.

Amara screamed in rage as lightening flared up in the gathering clouds. Dean was about to run, even though he knew how futile that was, but Amara grabbed him before he could get two steps away and in another instant, they were swallowed up in a dark vortex.

 


	10. Blood Will Have Blood

Dean fought against the wave of vertigo that assaulted him when they appeared outside of the vortex and back on solid ground. Dean took a moment to take stock of his surroundings, seeing they were in a huge field. He heard shouting, and finally realized they had landed at the site where the angels were doing the spell. Amara must have dragged him with her when the spell pulled her back toward the anchor. Dean looked up to see Sam's horrified expression, as his younger brother reached for a weapon. The archangels, Balthazar and Crowley were off to one side, standing in a cleared piece of ground around the sigiled circle. They weren't finished yet; Amara had been pulled back too soon. They were totally going to be screwed.

Amara gave a scream of rage and threw Dean toward the others. He hit hard and rolled, coming to a stop as he gasped for breath. Sam was instantly at his side, hands on him, making sure he was okay, before Dean batted him away and grabbed Sam's arm to get the younger man to help him up. "I'm good," he assured Sam but his eyes were on the Darkness.

Amara was furious, power practically flowing off her in waves as the sigils continued to burn on her arms and chest. The sky was darkening like a thunderhead, but Dean knew better than to think it was anything natural. They were in trouble.

"You think you can stop me with your little rituals?" she demanded, rounding on the four archangels and Balthazar who were surrounding the circle with the box in the middle, hurriedly trying to finish up the spell.

"Amara," Dean called, stepping forward with a hand outstretched. "Don't do this."

She turned a baleful stare onto him. "You have already tried to trick me twice, Dean, just like Lucifer did before. I won't let it happen again." She raised her hand to the sky and thunder cracked as dark clouds of energy came down to swirl around her, seeming to gain power as they went.

"Guys!" Sam yelled at the angels.

Balthazar stopped chanting and looked up just as Amara's powers surged toward them. "Bollocks."

"That was my line," Crowley groused before Amara's power connected in a thunderclap that sent everyone sprawling onto the ground.

"Alright, we need to run interference," Crowley said matter-of-factly, dragging himself to his feet. "You boys have this covered?"

"We're good," Lucifer told him. "Go be her chew toy, puppy."

Crowley gave him a rude gesture before exiting his meatsuit in a cloud of red smoke and charged at Amara, nearly knocking her flat on the first round. She directed her attacks toward the demon and seemed to be doing her best to obliterate him. Dean turned back to the archangels who were picking themselves up off the ground and continuing with the second phase of the spell. Thankfully it didn't seem to have been broken by the interruption.

Crowley was doing fine for a while, but eventually, he seemed to be having a harder time slipping Amara who seemed to be gaining power by the second.

"He needs some backup," Dean shouted to Sam. "He's never gonna be able to hold her off like this. What are we gonna do?"

"We can try one of these," Sam said, motioning to the pendant Crowley had given them. "It may buy us a few seconds."

Dean nodded and yanked his off, taking several steps forward. "Hey, Amara!" he called before he threw the crystal as hard as possible and quickly turned aside.

A huge bang sounded, and a flash that made him cover his eyes as he and Sam were thrown off their feet. They hauled themselves upright, coughing. Dean groaned as he wiped dirt from his eyes.

"Could have given us a warning about the recoil."

They looked over to see the damage done and it seemed like some of Amara's power had been depleted, her darkness dispersed for the time being, giving Crowley an opening to attack. But they knew it was only a temporary fix. They would need to figure out a way to help engage in the fight because if Crowley was taken out, they had nothing between them and Amara.

"How close are you?" Dean called to Balthazar as they retreated toward the archangels.

Balthazar glared in answer as he continued chanting. The other angels looked ready to burst a sprocket if they didn't get to the fight soon, especially Michael. Hopefully the eldest archangel would be able to keep his cool until the spell was finished. Dean was about ready to take up arms himself, as if it would do any good.

But suddenly, Gabriel stiffened and Dean saw the others give him a strange look, before he threw his head back and a blue, shining streak of light came out, barreling toward Crowley's aid.

Gabriel slumped before anger and something more frantic flashed in his eyes. "Castiel! You idiot!" he screamed.

Dean's eyes widened as he watched the blue streak attack Amara, slicing her across the cheek and making her gasp in shock. This must be Cas in his true form—or what could be seen of it on this plane anyway.

"Gabriel, concentrate!" Michael snapped.

Gabriel helplessly turned back toward the circle, his face masked in fury.

"Cas!" Dean called as he saw the streak of angelic grace come back in for another blow. He didn't know whether to be scared for his friend or impressed.

He and Sam stood and watched in awe at the graceful maneuvers Cas was able to make in this form. He had always been a fluid and skilled fighter, but outside of his flesh and blood vessel, he seemed to be twice as practiced and more agile than ever. Every time he darted in to make an attack on Amara, he managed to score a hit, shooting away almost instantly afterward before she could strike out at him. While Cas concentrated on attacking her, Crowley held off the tendrils of darkness she was shooting out, and between them, they seemed to be keeping her at bay for the time being.

"How are we doing, fellas?" Dean called to the angels.

Balthazar finished up part of the incantation and motioned to the others who all took up their blades and sliced their palms simultaneously, holding their hands over Pandora's Box and letting their blood drip onto it. Balthazar threw down a handful of herbs, spoke a few more words, and cut his own palm. As the blood dripped down the sides of the urn, the Box burst open with blinding light, causing the Winchesters to cover their eyes. The ground sunk down and a black hole opened up where the Box stood, reminding Dean of the portal they had used when Sam had jumped into the cage with Lucifer, but this one seemed even more fathomless if that was possible and left a feeling of unease in its wake.

"That's it, the binding is in place and the doorway is opened," Balthazar said, relief in his voice. "Now we just need to herd the Darkness into the circle to bind her to it."

"Well, come on, ladies, we don't have all night!" Gabriel yelled as he raised his sword aloft and charged into the fray.

The other archangels followed and attacked Amara on all sides. Slashing at the dark cyclones that swirled around with their blades, every other second a flash of blue-white light flared up as one smote her.

Sam and Dean took out angel blades themselves, and started striking at the swirling darkness that got past the angels defenses. Dean couldn't help but glance over to their comrades though. The archangels might squabble a lot, but as a united front in battle, they actually had a certain practiced grace that surprised him. Their fight was a dance where everyone knew their place. He almost wished he could just sit back and watch, but that was out of the question.

His gaze traveled to his currently incorporeal friend though, seeing Cas still striking at Amara with everything he had. But something wasn't quite right. Cas seemed to be weakening. His attacks had been strong at first, but he wasn't healed completely from his ordeal with Lucifer yet, and he had already expended so much energy in this fight. His grace was darkening, slowing down, and eventually, one of the tendrils of darkness wrapped around him, tightening. Crowley looked like he was going to the angel's aid, but more tendrils shot out and captured the demon who was putting up a good fight, but unable to do anything else.

"Cas!" Dean shouted as he saw the darkness tighten around Cas' intangible form. Dean's distraction cost him as one of the smoky fingers slammed him in the midriff and threw him several feet, winded. There was a growing ringing in his ears, and he suddenly recognized it as Cas' 'true voice'. He felt sick to his stomach, as he somehow knew it was his friend screaming in some unfathomable agony. "Amara, let him go!" he shouted helplessly, hauling himself to his feet, then turned to the angels. "Gabriel, Balthazar, someone do something!"

Gabriel was already on it, flinging himself forward while his brothers battled more of the darkness that was reaching out to destroy them, slashing at the tendrils with their angel blades. Gabriel dodged through Amara's attacks to reach her, Balthazar on his heels. The two gave each other a nod before they attacked, smiting Amara and momentarily leaving her defenseless.

She panted, turning with anger toward Gabriel and Balthazar as she flung more power at the other archangels. "You will all die. It would be better if you would simply surrender. I might make your demise quick then."

"Yeah, well, that's just not my style," Gabriel told her with a wink and threw a ball of energy at her before he went forward to stab her with his angel blade. Before the strike could land, Amara grabbed his wrist and viciously twisted. She spun him around so his back was pressed against her and used both her hands to drive the blade into Gabriel's stomach. The archangel gasped and she threw him to the ground as Balthazar stepped in front of him, snarling as he raised his own blade, but Amara simply flung him backwards until the angel practically landed on top of Sam and Dean, out cold, grace and blood leaking from several wounds.

"You see how outmatched you are," Amara said, dropping Gabriel's blade carelessly to the ground and sent more arms of darkness to seize the fallen archangel, twining around him and tightening like a boa constrictor. "Your defeat is inevitable, I don't see why you think you need to make this pitiful attempt to stop me."

She waved one hand and released Cas, the angel's grace slid to the ground like quicksilver, pooling into a ball and flickering in a way that made Dean think of a dying candle. He swallowed hard, not knowing what to do.

Michael, Raphael and Lucifer were still fighting fiercely, and Crowley had somehow managed to escape and was back in the fray, though he too, was starting to look worn down. Amara still held Gabriel with her powers, and the smoke was surrounding him, squeezing him tighter as he writhed on the ground. Then it started to worm its way into his vessel, clawing through skin and flesh into his true form and digging in. Grace started to leak out and Gabriel screamed. Amara watched with a detached interest as she slowly took Gabriel apart with her powers.

"Amara stop!" Lucifer shouted, surprising everyone else. He batted some of the darkness away, then shot a bolt of power at the tendrils holding Gabriel. They dissipated and the wounded archangel slumped, limp and bleeding both blood and grace into the dirt.

Amara spun on Lucifer and glared at him. "I've had just about enough of you."

Lucifer lurched forward, grabbing her arms and looked around, ready to heave her into the circle several yards away, but she slammed a hand against his chest and with a vicious wrenching motion, a ball of light was ripped from Cas' vessel and crushed in her hand with a flurry of sparks and ear-piercing shrieking.

Cas' now empty vessel thudded to the ground, lifeless. Everyone stared for a moment. Sam and Dean shared a shocked glance. Balthazar was getting to his feet shakily, his blade at the ready, and Gabriel was forcing himself into a sitting position with an arm wrapped around his stomach wound, shock and horror in his eyes.

"Well, that happened," Dean breathed.

Balthazar hurried to support Gabriel, dragging him further away from Amara, and Sam and Dean followed cautiously, knowing it didn't matter if they were closer to Amara or not, they were probably all dead. If she could do that to an archangel, what chance did they have?

"You killed my brother," Michael said in a low, dangerous voice, narrowing his gaze at Amara.

"And I'll kill you," she said. "No offense, nephew, you were never my favorite."

"Now!" Michael shouted and he held his hand out with Raphael, as they poured their combined power into a concentrated attack. Gabriel gave what he could, and Balthazar joined in.

Sam looked at Dean and took out the pendant Crowley had given him, throwing it onto the ground at Amara's feet and releasing the souls that surged toward her with a vengeance, hitting her in the chest with a burst of light.

Amara staggered back as they all crowded in on her, forcing her toward the circle. She tried to push back, but she was weakening the closer she got to the pull of the box. The sigils on her arms and chest glowed more and more until she was almost too bright to look at.

Finally, she stumbled over the edge of the circle, and the sigils on the floor sparked. Amara screamed, spinning around and looking at her attackers who were standing around the circle, barring all exits.

"You can't contain me in this petty prison!" she screeched. "I am stronger than that!"

"No, you're not," Michael said firmly. "And this time, you won't be getting free again. We've made sure of that. This time you have the lock and the key, but they only work one way."

Amara screamed in anger but she was being pulled in by the power of the box. She fought, but she was weakening, and she seemed to know the end was near. She finally stopped struggling and just glared at everyone it turn, her eyes finally landing on Dean.

"You may have won. But I'll still have my satisfaction."

Dean felt the tug on his wrist too late. Amara reached out and grabbed him in a crushing grip before she let herself be pulled toward the fathomless opening of Pandora's box. The infinite black hole sunk around it and hungrily sucked Amara in, Dean hurtling along with her.

"Dean!" Sam screamed, reaching out and snagging Dean's other wrist just before he disappeared, half in the darkness of endless evil and half out in the blinding light that was burning from the sigils.

"Sammy!" he shouted, fear gripping him as he felt himself slipping, felt Sam's grip on him being torn away. He looked up to meet Sam's eyes that were wide with horror, and pleaded with him not to let go.

"Help me!" Sam screamed, desperation almost choking him as he dug his heel in.

Gabriel grabbed Dean's arm and Balthazar grabbed Sam around the chest, the two injured angels trying to pull them in, grunting at the effort.

"Come on, you asshats! Don't just stand there!" Gabriel shouted at his brothers.

But before Michael and Raphael could decide whether they wanted to help or not, a streak of light shot past them, barreling into Dean and circling his chest, somehow lifting him out of the vortex to collapse in a pile with Sam, Gabriel, and Balthazar. As soon as they were out of the circle, the lid of Pandora's Box slammed shut and sigils burned into the urn, before the light of the circle flared out, just leaving burnt earth in its wake.

It was suddenly silent, just the sounds of Gabriel groaning and Sam and Dean's panting coming through. Dean didn't even care he was sprawled across his brother's chest, he was too exhausted to get up; besides, Sam's hands were still clutched tightly in his jacket, seeming unwilling to let go.

"You okay?" Sam breathed finally.

"I'll get back to you on that," Dean gasped.

They were all startled by the sudden casual voice.

"What did I miss?"

Dean glanced up, finally pushing himself off of Sam, to see Crowley striding over, once again corporeal, dusting off his suit. He looked a little worse for wear but he was alive.

Dean got up and helped Sam to his feet. Balthazar did the same for Gabriel as Dean looked around.

"Where's Cas?" he asked.

"Over there," Gabriel nodded before deciding to sink back to the ground again, clutching his stomach. The archangel looked bad, some of his wounds still bleeding.

Sam and Dean hurried over to the ball of light that was currently flickering weakly where Cas had landed after rescuing Dean. The brothers shared a worried look before they knelt down next to the orb.

"Cas?" Dean asked tentatively. The ball of light sang and flared briefly in a weak glow and Dean reached out and cautiously cupped it in his hands, cradling it close to his chest as Sam looked on worriedly. Cas' grace wasn't warm as he had expected it to be, but cold. That didn't seem like a good thing. "Hang on, Cas, we'll get you back where you belong."

He gently carried the flickering ball of light over to Cas' vessel that was lying disturbingly still, where it had fallen after Lucifer's demise. Dean knelt and Sam lifted the vessel's head before Dean pressed Cas' grace up against the lips. Cas sluggishly flowed back into his vessel and a shudder ran through his body as Dean watched, pressing his fingers to his throat, to see if there was a pulse.

"Come on, Cas," he whispered.

Cas' eyes blinked open and glowed vaguely, as his body stiffened and the flickering shadows of his wings appeared in the sputtering glow that infused him. Dean watched, and was horrified to see that the shadows splayed across the ground hardly looked like wings at all, but more like scraps of twisted bone and feathers. They disappeared almost instantly and Cas came back to himself, gasping suddenly, reaching out to grab Dean's shirt as if to anchor himself to something.

"Whoa, easy," Dean coaxed, propping the angel up in the crook of his arm.

"Hey, Cas, you okay?" Sam asked, kneeling beside Dean and gripping Cas' shoulder gently.

"Is it over?" Cas whispered so softly Sam and Dean had to lean in to hear him.

Dean smiled. "Yeah, Cas. It's over. The Darkness is put back where she should be and we can go home and sleep it off. How's that sound?"

"I would like to sleep," Cas murmured. "I'm so…so very…tired." His eyes closed again and he went limp in Dean's grasp. The elder Winchester felt unease wash through him as he jostled his friend's shoulder.

"Cas? Hey, buddy, don't you go giving up on me now."

"His true form has been assaulted without the protection of his vessel," Balthazar said, suddenly kneeling beside them and placing a worried hand on Cas' forehead. "He has no energy to heal himself. He's going to need quite a lot of care."

"Well, let's get him back to the bunker and take care of him then," Dean said firmly.

"Hello, loose nuke?" Crowley interrupted, nodding to Pandora's box.

"We'll take care of it," Michael said. "It will go back to the vaults in Heaven." He strode forward to pick up the Box before Crowley held up his hand.

"Hold on, I don't think that's such a good idea," the King of Hell said.

Michael bristled. "I am in no mood to argue with demon scum. You played your part, and you should leave before I decide to smite you after all."

"You just like to love them and leave them, don't you?" Crowley quipped. "Think about it, Michael. The Box locked up in heaven where any angel—who are terrible curators, by the way, as was seen with the success of the previous heist to the weapon vaults—could just accidently pop it open or drop it at any time while dusting."

"The sigils will not allow it to open," Michael said stiffly.

"It would be safer in a deep dark, unreachable place in Hell," Crowley said sternly. "Trust me, this isn't a power play, this is about me not wanting there to be any chance of the Darkness escaping again. We want the same thing here. It might be the only and last time that is the case, but I am with you on this."

"It's actually a good idea," Gabriel said tiredly. "Especially with all the turmoil up in heaven right now. Do you really think it's safe to keep it up there?"

Michael looked between the two, his jaw working and then finally handed it over to Crowley with a look of utter disgust on his face.

"Very well, but it is only a temporary placement until I restore order in Heaven."

"Of course, darling," Crowley smiled as he took the urn gingerly.

"Yeah, speaking of, you going back?" Dean asked Michael, really hoping so as he had no desire to share space with him anymore.

"It is my duty," Michael told him firmly.

"Great, so can you heal Cas before you go?"

"I have no time for such charity," Michael spat. "Heaven must be put back in order as soon as possible. I can't afford to waste time caring for the angel almost single-handedly responsible for destroying it in the first place."

"Wow," Sam said with a hard look. "That's kind of a cold way to treat a hero who just helped save the world today."

Michael looked down his nose in disdain at Cas' vessel, making Dean clutch Cas' limp form tighter in a protective gesture. "It wouldn't do much good anyway, even if I did. Only delay the inevitable. The state he'd in it would take too much time and effort to put him back together than I'm willing to give a fallen angel. Even if he does survive his injuries, he will never be the same again and will still be cut off from heaven. I'll make sure of that."

Sam and Dean gaped in shocked anger. Dean was about to sputter something scathing when Gabriel cut in.

"You know, Michael, Lucifer might have been the devil, but you were always the biggest dick," Gabriel said flatly, anger obvious in his voice and flashing eyes.

Michael set his jaw. "And now our brother is dead. He has paid for his sins as must Castiel. Come, Gabriel, we have much work to do. We will get you healed up in Heaven."

"I'm staying here," Gabriel told him firmly. "I'm not going to let another of my brothers die today."

Raphael sneered and Michael simply looked away in disgust. "Very well then. I expect you to come back when your wounds are healed."

Gabriel smirked. "Don't hold your breath."

Balthazar shrugged at Michael. "What he said."

Michael and Raphael cast one last disdainful look at the rest of them, and disappeared in a flap of wings.

"No offense, Gabriel, but your brothers are assholes," Sam told the archangel.

"Don't I know it," Gabriel said. "Let's get back to the bunker."

Dean and Balthazar got Cas into an upright position between them, the angel still a dead weight. Dean thought about what Michael had said and decided quickly that it didn't matter. He was going to make sure Cas survived this if it was the last thing he did. But that didn't mean it was going to be easy either. He had a sinking feeling that this was only the beginning of a new chapter of crap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Amara might be defeated but now they have to put Cas back together so prepare yourselves for more angst and h/c


	11. Life's Fitful fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter is pretty brutal with the first aid they have to perform, so if that kind of stuff makes you squeamish, you may want to scan through the some parts of this.

Gabriel zapped them all back, but the effort must have taken more of a toll on his weakened body than he had realized because he had to grab the edge of the map table in the war room when they landed, his legs nearly giving out. He cursed under his breath as his head spun.

"Hey, you good?" Sam asked him, putting a hand on Gabriel's shoulder.

"I'll live, Sasquatch," Gabriel quipped. He wasn't sure exactly what Amara had done to him, but he did know she had significantly weakened his grace for the moment—hopefully not permanently—and yet he didn't have the time to rest. Not with Cas down for the count and Balthazar only a little better off than he was. He could see that Balthazar's grace had taken a beating as well, but it was still glowing unlike Cas who was even now unconscious and whose grace was guttering.

Gabriel swallowed hard, and got his dizziness under control before he turned to Dean and Balthazar who were still supporting Cas between them. "Let's get him taken care of."

"Come on," Sam motioned for them to follow to the dormitory ward and opened a room with a freshly made bed and no distinctive features. Gabriel frowned slightly as he saw that it had no personal touch, but then, maybe Cas didn't have a room at the bunker. That was most likely, considering what Gabriel had seen from his little brother's memories. Well, that was going to change starting today. He was just too tired to yell at the Winchesters right now. And yeah, that meant he was really, dead tired.

Sam turned down the bed, and Dean and Balthazar gently laid Cas down. Gabriel pulled a chair over to the bedside and sank into it, nodding to the others. "I'm going to assess his injuries. Why don't you go clean up and get some first aid stuff ready."

"Gabriel, you're still bleeding," Balthazar pointed out.

"Then get me a freaking band-aid! You're certainly not healing me in your condition," Gabriel snapped at him. "You took a pretty bad hit back there, kid. I can tell. Save your energy to help me with Cas, okay?"

Balthazar set his jaw, but nodded. "Very well."

"Now get, I'll let you know what's going on as soon as I do."

The three reluctantly left, and Gabriel took a deep, steadying breath before he put his hand on Cas' forehead.

"Castiel, you idiot," he said quietly. "Why did you do that?" When he got no response he closed his eyes, reaching out to touch the lesser angel's grace with his own.

He knew it was going to be bad, but the agony he felt from Cas when their graces touched took his breath away. He recognized the pain, it was the same kind of cold, crushing agony that he had felt when the Darkness had him in her clutches, her power clawing deeper and deeper into his grace, but Cas hadn't had a vessel to protect him on this plane, and while she had damaged his grace, it wasn't the worst injury. No, the worst injury had been to his wings.

It felt like Amara had specifically targeted them, crushing them without mercy. They were broken and torn apart in ways Gabriel had never seen. His own wings, a bit battered themselves, bristled in sympathy, and he eventually had to pull away from the connection because their combined agony was just too much. He was shocked to find tears streaming down his cheeks and he hurriedly swiped them away as he heard a whimper.

Cas was shuddering and moaning from the intrusion and Gabriel simply pulled him into his arms just holding his brother for a long moment, trembling at the thought of what he was going to have to do in order to help him heal properly.

"I'm so sorry, little brother," he whispered to the unconscious angel. Once Cas settled down again he gently laid him back on the bed and stood up. He just really hoped he had the strength to do what needed to be done.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dean was waiting anxiously with Sam and Balthazar, pacing in the hallway as Gabriel came out of the room, looking tired.

"How is he?" Dean asked instantly.

Gabriel ran a hand over his face. "The damage Amara did was extensive. And he wasn't up to full power anyway, being cut off from the host and having only part of his grace left. Then there was Lucifer keeping him on lockdown, suppressing his power to keep him in check. I tried to heal most of the damage Luci did before, but he still wasn't on his game when he decided to join the fight."

"It's his wings, isn't it?" Dean said hesitantly, memories of the frayed appendages he had seen when he put Cas back into his vessel at the forefront of his mind. "I…I saw them when I put him back in his vessel."

Gabriel stiffened, but nodded reluctantly. "Fighting in his true form made him more vulnerable. A vessel will protect our wings on this plane for the most part, but Amara went directly for them. What's worse, is that I don't have the power right now to heal them properly, and with his grace at less than half-mast as it is… it's looking like they may not ever heal fully."

Balthazar cursed quietly and Dean felt like he might throw up. He had been angry at Michael for suggesting Cas was beyond repair, but if Gabriel was agreeing with him? It must be worse than they thought.

"Can no one else help him?" Sam asked. "I mean, if you and Balthazar can't do it alone, couldn't you call in a few other angels?"

Gabriel snorted. "Where have you been the past couple years? No other angel will put their foot forward for Cas. Especially now that Michael is back and probably poisoning his name further despite the fact Cas just helped save the world. Again. The only people who even care that he's alive are in this room." He looked back through the open door at Cas, a pained expression on his face. "I'm going to have to bring his wings onto this plane of existence to even attempt healing them, and it's going to be painful."

Dean's eyes widened at the idea, and he cast a glance at Sam who was equally surprised. "You can do that?"

"It is possible," Balthazar said warily. "Angels simply choose not to manifest their wings on this plane. It leaves them too vulnerable. They're sort of a physical manifestation of our true selves."

"Are you sure this is the only way?" Dean asked, hating the thought of putting Cas through any more pain than he had already been through. Afraid he might not be able to withstand it. Sure, Cas was tough, but he had been through a hell of a lot in the past few months.

"He'll just be in more pain if we don't," Gabriel gritted out in determination. "But I'm gonna need all the help I can get. We're probably gonna have to do most of this old school."

Sam nodded. "Whatever you need. I'll go get the first aid kit."

"There's no point in letting him suffer any longer then," Balthazar said and Sam nodded. Dean caught Gabriel's eye before he left as well.

"Are you sure you're up for this? I mean, no offence, but you hardly look like you can stand."

"That's cause I hardly can, dimwit," Gabriel said but without his usual bite. "That's why we need to do this now before this extremely attractive body quits on me." He nodded to the open door. "Watch him for a minute, okay?"

Dean nodded and as the others began collecting the stuff they would need to take care of Cas, Dean went into the angel's room, still sickened at just how bad his friend looked, remembering how his grace had appeared so faded and heavy after the fight; cold when he touches it. He swallowed hard, and approached the bed quietly, as if afraid that even the smallest disturbance would hurt Cas in his current state. He reached out and settled a hand on the angel's chest, feeling the jerky rise and fall of his breathing, the thready heartbeat under his palm.

"I'm sorry, Cas," he whispered. "I'm sorry for everything. We screwed up big time with this one in so, so many ways."

Cas' breath hitched, and his eyes fluttered. Dean reached down to grip his forearm. "Cas?"

Dull blue eyes blinked up at him, bleary, and unfocused. "Dean?" Cas slurred.

Dean sat down on the side of the bed, not missing the wince that even that small shift caused Cas. He smiled reassuringly. "Yeah, dude, we got you back to the bunker, okay? Amara's locked up and not getting out, hopefully ever."

Cas looked around, seeming to be vaguely confused. "I'm…not dead," he whispered quietly.

"No, you're not, and I think we should plan on keeping it that way, right?" Dean told him as lightheartedly as possible, patting him on the knee. Cas made no reply but to shut his eyes tiredly with something almost akin to a sob. Dean frowned, but before he could ask further, the door pushed open and Sam, Gabriel, and Balthazar came in with the rest of the things. Cas' eyes opened and Gabriel smiled fondly at his brother. Dean noticed he had cleaned up a bit and put on a new shirt that looked like Sam's since the sleeves were rolled up. Gabriel must have been bad off if he couldn't even mojo the blood and tears from his clothes.

"Hey there, kiddo. You feeling okay?" the archangel asked.

Cas grunted.

"Well, we're gonna get you fixed up, alright? But it's not gonna be pleasant. Amara really got you good."

"You're…not angry?" Cas said sounding confused, as Gabriel set bandages and other supplies down on the side table. Dean frowned and cast a glance at the archangel. Gabriel looked just as confused as Cas.

"Why would I be angry, little bro?"

"Because I left to fight the Darkness even after you told me not to," Cas said, fidgeting slightly in bed and sounding like a five year old.

Gabriel sighed and ruffled Cas' hair. "Maybe a little angry you were stupid enough to get yourself hurt, but you helped stop the Darkness, Cas, and you saved Dean, right? I only didn't want you to fight to begin with because I was afraid you were gonna get yourself killed. But you didn't and we're gonna fix you up, so that's a win, right?"

Cas fiddled with the blankets, not looking at Gabriel or anyone else. Dean felt warning bells start to ring in his mind and thought he saw the same reflected in Gabriel's eyes.

Balthazar, who had been standing near the door suddenly cleared his throat and stepped further into the room, catching Cas' attention. The wounded angel stiffened, and his hands clenched in the blankets.

"Hi Cas," Balthazar said with a small smile.

"Balthazar," Cas whispered. "I…I don't…"

Balthazar stepped forward past Dean and Gabriel and gripped Cas' shoulder tightly. "I forgive you, brother. No hard feelings. I only wish to see you well."

Cas' throat bobbed and he blinked several times before he nodded. "I'm sorry, brother."

"Hush," Balthazar told him sternly. "It's behind us. What's a little backstabbing among friends, right?"

Cas didn't look entirely convinced but he nodded before turning his eyes down. Gabriel sighed and reached out a hand to put on Cas' shoulder once Balthazar had stepped back again.

"Listen, Castiel, I know you know about the state of your wings; they're bad, and they're not gonna get better unless we do something about them."

"Gabriel…" Cas started, trying to pull away from his brother's grip, but even that movement seemed to hurt him and he winced. Gabriel stared at him nonplused.

"You know what we're gonna have to do," the archangel coaxed gently.

Cas shook his head slightly, looking up at Gabriel with pleading eyes. The archangel scowled.

"This isn't up for negotiation. We'll try to do it as fast as possible, but it's not going to be pleasant."

Cas' hands clenched in the blankets draped over his lap again before sighing resignedly. "Do what you have to."

"Well, let's get it over with then," Gabriel said and helped Cas sit up so he could relieve him of his coat and shirt. Dean helped, needing some occupation while Sam and Balthazar were busy setting up all their supplies. As he eased the torn and filthy shirt from Cas' shoulders though, he caught sight of his back and saw that there were two long lines of welts beside his shoulder blades. Dean's eyes shot to Gabriel's who returned the look with grim resignation. Dean swallowed hard. Apparently the injuries to Cas' wings were so bad they were manifesting through his vessel.

Soon they had gotten Cas positioned on his stomach, stripped to the waist, and looking so pale Dean wouldn't have been sure he was even still alive if he hadn't been breathing raggedly and staring at the wall, his eyes clouded with pain. His cheek was propped up on a pillow that he clutched under his chest.

"Now Cassie, I ain't gonna lie, this is gonna hurt like a bitch," Gabriel told his brother as he helped Sam set up a side table with the first aid things they'd need.

"Already hurts," Cas whispered miserably. "Just do it if you're going to."

"Uh, Gabriel," Dean called and motioned for the archangel to join him to one side.

"What?"

"You're gonna keep him awake for this? No angelic anesthesia or anything?" Dean demanded in a hiss.

Gabriel's jaw tightened. "In his condition he may not wake up again if we put him under. He isn't in a good place physically or mentally, Dean, did you see how upset he was that he woke up here?"

"Still, this is cruel."

"It won't make any difference either way," Gabriel snapped. "He'll still feel it unconscious, and it's better he knows what's happening than have to suffer through whatever delusions his mind might conjure up right now."

Dean swallowed hard but nodded. "Fine. I guess you know best."

Gabriel glanced back at his brother before returning his gaze to the elder Winchester. "If you could…try and keep him calm. He trusts you and I'm not going to be able to if I'm working on him."

Dean nodded, a pit forming in his stomach, but there was also some relief that he wouldn't have to inflict any more pain on Cas himself. Dean never did well having to hurt his brothers even if it was for the best.

The hunter took a deep breath and then went to sit on the side of the bed above Cas' head. He reached out his hands, offering them, palm up, to the wounded angel. "Cas, you need to squeeze, squeeze."

Cas looked up at him, seeming about to refuse, but then seemed to reconsider. He gingerly untucked his hands from under the pillow and put them into Dean's, only holding on lightly, as if he didn't have any more strength than that at the moment. Dean was glad he had accepted, because if he hadn't, the hunter thought he might have very well found some excuse to leave when the pain started, and he wanted to be there for Cas to support him through this. Memories flashed through his head of being in this same position with Sam while their dad stitched him up or set broken bones in the field. He tried to tell himself that just like then, everything would be better afterward. He smiled reassuringly at the angel.

"It's gonna be fine, Cas. Gabriel knows what he's doing, he'll work as quick as he can."

Cas didn't seem convinced of any of it, but he didn't protest either. Gabriel finished getting all the medical supplies set up and then bent over to look at Cas' face, a hand settling gently on the back of his neck.

"Hey, we're ready, Cassie," the archangel told him. "I'm gonna pull your wings onto this plane first, okay? It's not going to be fun but it will only be a second and they won't feel as confined after, I promise."

"Do it," Cas whispered.

Gabriel set his jaw and pressed his hand, glowing slightly, to Cas' back, closing his eyes and making a swift tugging motion.

Cas' wings suddenly appeared with a shimmer of light, filling up more space than anticipated, accompanied by a scream from the angel. His hands instantly crushed Dean's and the hunter would have winced at the pain if he hadn't been so shocked to see the sight in front of him.

"Cas…" he choked out, but stopped, unable to say anything more, his throat instantly constricting as he fought the urge to vomit.

He hadn't really ever given much thought to Cas' wings. Dean knew he had them, of course, and the shadows had always looked impressive when Cas was showing off his inner angel power in displays of dominance or whatever. But he had always associated them with the Cas he would never see, the angel's true form. Maybe so much so that he hadn't truly understood the loss Cas felt when he had lost his wings after becoming human and having to live on borrowed grace. Now he thought he could understand.

But his first view of Cas' wings in their corporeal state nearly broke Dean apart. They were destroyed. If an angel's wings were indeed a reflection of their true selves as Balthazar had said, then Dean didn't even know what to think.

"Oh God," Sam choked out, pressing the back of his wrist to his mouth, tears slipping from the corners of his eyes.

"Bloody hell," Balthazar said in a hushed voice.

"Shit, Cassie," Gabriel hissed, his own horror telling the Winchesters just how bad it was.

Cas' wings were nearly featherless, broken and bent in ways that looked irreparable—Dean sickeningly conjured up the image of an umbrella thrashed inside out by a gale-force wind. It seemed that Amara had simply crushed them like paper and straws, without regard for the pain she inflicted. Because looking at the mangled appendages, Dean knew Cas had to be in agony.

Cas was trembling, eyes squeezed shut. "How bad?" he gasped out before opening his eyes and meeting Dean's bravely. "How bad?" he demanded.

Dean swallowed, unable to speak, just shook his head.

"It's bad, Cas," Balthazar told him gently, a hand resting on his comrade's shoulder as he crouched to meet Cas' eyes. "But we'll do what we can for now."

"Okay, we're gonna have to set them before anything else," Gabriel said somehow seeming to have succeeded in distancing himself from his brother's suffering in a way Dean admired. "Sam, I'm going to need your help with this."

Sam almost looked like he was going to refuse but he swallowed hard and stepped forward, touching Cas' arm gently before he nodded to Gabriel. "Just tell me what to do."

"Just like setting a normal bone, I'm sure you've done that before," Gabriel said and traced the bones to show Sam. "These bare a resemblance to an arm bone, carpels and metacarpals and all that. His right one is out of joint though, so we'll have to pop it back before we continue. It's just like a dislocated shoulder. Hold him."

Sam and Balthazar gripped Cas' shoulders and both cast their gazes down to the bed as Gabriel positioned his hands and swiftly snapped the joint back in place without giving Cas a warning. It still wrenched a strangled cry from the angel and a barely concealed groan from Dean as his fingers were pulverized even more. But he still held on.

"Okay, that's done," Gabriel said, sounding vaguely breathless. "We'll move up the wings from the base and splint as we go."

There were three more breaks to the right wing, the first two, just needed to be reduced as they were only clean breaks but the third on the metacarpal was a compound fracture and would need more work.

"Brace it here," Gabriel instructed Sam, as Balthazar held the whole wing steady. There was a sickening snap as the bone was set back into place and that seemed to be as much as Cas could take.

"Stop," the strangled sob came from the injured angel, startling them all. "Just stop."

"We can't stop, Cassie, it will just be worse if we don't get this done now," Gabriel said, trying not to let his obvious panic creep into his voice.

"Cas, just hang on," Dean said quietly, squeezing Cas' hands in his own, even though the angel already had his fingers in a death grip, the bones grinding together. "I've had a ton of busted bones, and trust me, they feel a hell of a lot better once you get them set and bandaged."

Another bone straightened and Cas screamed, his broken wings jerking pathetically.

"Hold him, Sam!" Gabriel cursed and Sam apologized swiftly.

"Brother, please!" Cas pleaded, crushing Dean's fingers until they felt like they would be ground into powder. That wasn't the only reason tears sprang to Dean's eyes though.

Gabriel looked stricken but he swallowed hard and continued on. "I'm sorry, little bro, I'm so sorry." He called out more instructions. A sickening snap was heard as Gabriel forced the main bone, the humerus of the left wing, back into place and Cas screamed so loud half the light bulbs in the room exploded.

"Crap," Sam breathed out.

"Okay, I can't take this anymore," Balthazar said and reached over, pressing two fingers to Cas' head so that the angel went limp. Dean felt the grip on his hands slacken, and couldn't help the sigh of relief.

"What did you do? He might not wake up in his condition!" Gabriel demanded.

"Brother, please, this will be easier for all of us," Balthazar said grimly and Gabriel sagged even more, before nodding.

"Fine, let's get this finished. Sam can you get us some more light?"

Several more sickening snaps later and they were ready to position Cas' wings into a recovery position. Dean couldn't take it anymore. He slipped his aching hands from Cas' limp grip and surged across the hall to the bathroom, retching violently. He sat on the floor, forehead resting on the toilet seat for an indeterminate amount of time, trembling, before he finally stood up and flushed it, going to the sink to splash water on his face.

He cautiously returned to the room, knowing he couldn't stand to be anywhere else, and saw that thankfully they had finished the splinting and Gabriel and Balthazar were now standing with their hands on what was left of Cas' wings, pouring warm light over the broken appendages. Feathers straightened and gained a little more luster, but besides that, nothing much else happened.

After a few long seconds, they stopped. Cas' wings weren't healed but they looked a little better than before. They were both tucked up like a bird's wings at rest, lying against the length of Cas' body, with ace-wraps bound around them under the joint to keep them in position for recovery.

Once the two other angels had finished all the healing they could do, Gabriel staggered back from the bed, running a shaking hand though his hair.

"Damn it, Cas, you never did do things by half, you idiot featherhead."

"Is that all we can do for him?" Dean asked, his voice wavering.

"I'm afraid so," Balthazar said, looking completely wiped.

"It's up the him now," Gabriel said tiredly. "He's gonna have to fight this. Gonna have to want to…" His knees simply gave out but Sam caught the archangel under the arms and glanced down at him worriedly, seeing Gabriel was completely unconscious. He lowered him to the floor.

"What happened?" Dean asked.

"Gave all his power to heal Cas when his own body needed a significant amount," Balthazar said ruefully. "There's nothing you can do for him but tuck him into bed and let him sleep it off."

"How long will that be?" Dean asked.

Balthazar shrugged. "Don't know." He looked back down at Cas, his voice softening. "I'll get everything cleaned up in here, and make sure he's comfortable, if you'll see if you can do anything for Gabriel."

Dean nodded and helped Sam haul Gabriel across the hall to another spare bedroom and plopped the archangel onto the bed. He looked so worse for wear that Dean decided to at least try to tend to his wounds, to do as much as they could. He unbuttoned his shirt and saw with a wince that the stab wound in Gabriel's stomach was still bleeding sluggishly. On top of that, there were about a dozen more lacerations where Amara's power had dug into him.

Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair before he went to collect the first aid stuff again and Dean got some wet towels to wash the blood off of the archangel. He and Sam spent the next fifteen minutes bandaging Gabriel's wounds and then pulled a blanket over him, standing and staring down at him.

"So how long do you think he'll be out?" Dean asked.

"I don't know," Sam said. "I know when Cas got badly injured sometimes he would need a day or two to recover, but this? Who knows what Amara really did to him."

"He'll be fine," Dean said resolutely. "He's not gonna check out now, not with Cas lying in there more dead than alive." He swallowed hard and was surprised when Sam's hand descended onto his shoulder, leading him from the room.

"We'll get Cas back on his feet too, Dean. It's no different than any other time one of us has been down for the count. We'll just keep fighting, and if he doesn't have the strength to fight for himself, we'll do it for him."

Dean looked up at his younger brother and the sincerity in his eyes gave him a little strength. "Yeah, you're right. I just can't believe we let it get this far."

"I know," Sam replied. "But we're here for him now, and that's what matters. This could be a fresh start for all of us."

"Yeah, then let's do a better job of it this time," Dean said firmly.

"Agreed."

They left the Gabriel and saw Balthazar exiting Cas' room, leaving the door ajar so they could hear if he woke. He looked about ready to fall down too. Dean reached out to steady him when he stumbled.

"No offense, but you look like hammered crap," Dean told him. "You should go lay down. Sam and I can look after the invalids for a while. Take an angel nap or whatever you do. You guys did all the work today anyway."

Balthazar looked like he wanted to protest, but he didn't. "Let me know if he wakes. But he should stay out for a while."

"Will do," Dean said as Balthazar disappeared into another unoccupied room. He turned to Sam.

"Come on, kiddo, neither of us have eaten all day and it's almost dinner time. What do you say we find some grub?"

"Hell yes," Sam agreed with a slight laugh. "I'm starving."

"Saving the world is hungry work, Sammy. How about you keep an eye on everyone here, and I go grab a couple steaks to fry up? We earned that."

"Yes we did," Sam said.

Dean was about to talk away when Sam suddenly grabbed his shoulder and spun him around into a hug. Dean grunted as his slightly battered body was squeezed.

"Uh, Sam," he protested, but still returned the hug.

"Shut up, I'm just thinking how glad I am I didn't lose you today," Sam told him.

Dean smiled sincerely and clasped the back of Sam's neck. "Me too, Sammy. Me too."


	12. Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Dean grilled them up some steaks and they ate hungrily despite the worry that still assaulted them. Dean never could understand why they couldn't seem to have a win for once in their life. Crap always had to happen even after they had won whatever war they happened to be fighting. In fact, typically that's when the problems shifted to general crapiness to crap that directly affected them personally. And that just happened to be the part Dean hated most. Sure, he could fight evil all day long, but when it came to trying to pick up the pieces afterwards and put the people he cared about back together, that was where he felt helpless.

"So, it's quiet without Team Douche around," Dean mentioned as he cleared the table.

"Yeah," Sam said absently.

Dean turned to him with a frown. "What? Don't tell me you miss those asshats."

"No, I don't, really," Sam shook his head. "I was just thinking…I know Lucifer was a terrible, well, everything, but he threw himself at Amara to save Gabriel. Maybe he really did care about his family."

"That doesn't even nearly begin to redeem what he did to you," Dean said firmly.

"I know, trust me," Sam said. "But if he hadn't, Gabriel might be dead too."

Dean couldn't really argue with that, but sue him, it was hard to think of Lucifer doing anything beneficial to society. Instead, he changed the subject. "You didn't take any hits during the fight I need to know about did you?"

Sam huffed but a small smile appeared on his lips all the same. "No, just a couple bruises, honest. Save your mother-henning for Cas. What about you?"

"Same here, nothing to write home about. Your chick flick moment earlier busted a couple ribs though."

Sam laughed. "Whatever, jerk."

"Bitch."

Dean left the dishes in the sink and went back to the dormitory ward to check on Cas again. The angel was still out, but he was shivering slightly. Dean pulled a warm blanket from the closet and gently eased it underneath Cas' wings and tucked it around his body. He then repositioned the pillow under Cas' cheek so he wouldn't get a crick in the neck.

He took another long look at Cas' wings. It was odd, but he didn't even think it was weird to see them on his friend. They looked right, even if they were currently in such bad condition. He was determined to help Cas heal as much as possible. Cas hadn't been able to fly for a long time, but maybe someday he would again. Hopefully. Though the way his wings looked right now that didn't seem like it would be any time soon.

Dean sighed tiredly and turned to leave again, when he spotted several feathers on the floor that must have come unattached while Gabriel was setting Cas' wings. He bent to pick them up, holding them as carefully as possible. They were inky black and incredibly soft yet strong with iridescent green and pink running through them when they caught the light right. Beautiful. Dean wondered what Cas' wings would have looked like in their original form. Enough to make any demon wet themselves in battle, surely. He absently ran a finger up one side of the plumage.

Images flashed before Dean's eyes, darkness and blood, then light, then a pair of huge wings and a sense of safety. He blinked rapidly several times, wondering where the hell that had come from. There was a twinge in his left shoulder where Cas had, as he said, 'gripped him tight and raised him from perdition'. Dean swallowed hard and looked down at the unconscious angel who had been his guardian, then friend, and was now his surrogate brother. Cas alone had been the one to rescue Dean from Hell. It was about time Dean returned the favor.

He gently set the feathers down on the side table. Whatever happened now, whatever had happened in the past, Dean was only certain of one thing, and that was that he was not going to let Cas give up. And if that meant he and Sam would have to carry him the whole way, they would.

Because that's what family was for.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dean and Sam took shifts watching over Cas that night but they were both so exhausted it was hard to stay awake. Dean fell asleep next to Cas' bed sometime early in the morning, and didn't wake until he heard moaning.

His eyes shot open instantly, and he was somewhat relieved to see Cas blinking his eyes open. He leaned over, pulling his chair closer to the bed.

"Hey, how are you doing this morning?" he asked anxiously.

Cas' eyes slid halfway shut again. "Heavy…hurting."

Dean pressed his lips together in sympathy. "I'm sure. Look, I know you're pretty under the weather, so do you think you should have something to drink? I can get you some pain meds too, if you think that will help."

"Thank you, no," Cas said firmly.

Dean frowned. "Cas, I know you're hurting, that's why I'm trying to help make it as comfortable as possible for you."

Cas opened his eyes again and stared at Dean balefully. "If you wanted to help so much, you would have left me on that field."

Dean was taken aback. "Cas, how could you say that?"

"You may have meant well, but you only brought me back here to experience more agony. I thought…I thought it would be over." The last part was whispered so quietly and sadly that Dean barely heard it, but it still sent a knife through his heart.

"Cas, we're not gonna just let you die," he said, unsure of what else to say.

"I know." Was that bitterness? "You never do."

Dean just stared at him for a while before he swallowed. "Is there…is there anything I can do for you?"

Cas opened his eyes again. "Just let me rest."

Dean swallowed hard as he watched Cas relax back into sleep. He stayed like that for a few minutes before he got up and stretched, sore from the fight and sleeping in the chair all night. Okay, so Cas was in a bad place. He would deal with that later, after the angel had gotten a little more rest, maybe with Sam as backup. Right now, Dean needed to make some coffee.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Castiel lay stricken on the bed, every breath sending agonizing ripples across his back and shoulders and straight up into his wings, ending at the very tips of his feathers—what was left of them anyway. The wings that now lay in their physical state against his back, tucked up against his sides with the splints and bandages keeping them still for recovery. He hadn't been able to look at them, in too much pain to turn his head, and really, not wanting to see them to begin with, knowing the sight would only make him feel worse. He didn't understand why this had happened. He didn't regret joining the fight, no; he had done what he needed to do. He had distracted Amara long enough for his brothers to finish the spell and get her into her new prison, and he had saved Dean from getting dragged in with her. That had been his mission, his purpose, and he hadn't failed, so why did he feel so miserable?

The truth was, he knew very well why he felt the way he did and he knew he couldn't deny it any longer either. He was miserable because he hadn't been expecting to make it to the end of the fight, and the even darker truth was that he hadn't wanted to. He would have been perfectly fine with burning out in that field, but Dean had put him back in his vessel and it had preserved just enough of his energy to keep him alive, but hadn't left him with enough to heal himself or his ruined wings which were even too much for Gabriel and Balthazar together to heal. He hadn't made plans for the proverbial 'after' so now he didn't know what he was going to do. He was now only more of a burden than he had been before. No use to the Winchesters, and rejected from Heaven. There was no reason he should still be alive.

His wings reflected his state of mind, as well as the state of his grace. Torn and frayed in such a way that he didn't have a hope of putting himself back together. So why should he even try?

That was when the anger set in. Was this another punishment? It must be; another bout of penance he would have to endure—that it seemed he would endure for the rest of eternity.

"Why can't you just let me die?" he whispered, hot tears slipping down his cheeks. "What more do I have to do? I have suffered so much already, are my sins not atoned for yet? Please, Father, I beg you, no more languishing, I just want a peaceful death."

The only thing he wished was to die under the open sky. If he could no longer fly, he at least wanted to be able to see the sky one last time. He tried to push himself upright, but his wings were impossible to maneuver in this state, especially since he couldn't unfurl them to balance, and every movement he made sent agony spiking through them.

With more concentration than he could really muster, he somehow managed to banish his wings to the ethereal plane again, but the pain it caused him made red agony burst through his whole body, blinding him as he tottered on the edge of the bed. His chest seized and his lungs refused to work, feeling like they had rapidly shrunken. He clutched weakly at his spasming chest, feeling his heart beating erratically under his ribs as he continued to try to breathe, but he simply couldn't. It took too much energy for him now, and he was far too tired to even care anymore. He felt himself slipping away and he wasn't about to stop it, in fact, in a deep part of him he didn't want to admit to feeling, even to himself, he counted it as a blessing. Perhaps God had heard him at last and he was finally allowed to leave this world in peace.

As the world darkened around him, he didn't even regret not making it outside. He was just glad it was over.

~~~~~~~~~

Dean started brewing a pot of coffee and headed back to his room to change into clean clothes. He heard Sam's shower running and was glad he was up. They really needed to have a serious talk about Cas. Dean didn't like where the angel's head was at the moment.

As he headed back down the hall he was planning on checking in on Cas again before going to whip up some breakfast when he heard a dull thump coming from the room. Frowning, he pushed the door open and was horrified to see that Cas was lying on the floor as if he had tumbled out of the bed, completely still. His wings were no longer visible and Dean wondered if Cas had tried to put them back, but it had been too much for him in his current state.

"Cas?" Dean called, rushing forward and dropping to his knees beside the angel, afraid to touch him, but at the same time, needing to know what was wrong.

He gently turned him onto his side and didn't like the greyness of his face, nor the blue tinge to his lips. Dean's suspicions were confirmed when he put a hand to his mouth and felt no air passing through his lips. He had never really been sure if angels needed to breathe or not, but with how weak Cas was right now anyway, he could bet that him not breathing was probably a very, very bad thing.

"Cas? No, no, no, dammit, no, I'm not letting you do this." He swiftly rolled Cas onto his back and tipped his head back, starting to perform CPR. He yelled for Sam, and then Balthazar but wasn't sure if his brother could hear him at the moment, or if the angel would wake.

"Come on, Cas, please, you can't give up, man. Don't do this to me, don't you dare die on me!" He breathed for Cas again, and gave a vicious push to his solar plexus, finally rewarded by a gasp that soon turned into a hacking cough. Dean instantly pulled Cas upright, resting him against the bed and rubbing his bruised chest, relief washing over him as he gripped the angel's shoulders to keep him upright.

"Hey, hey, just breathe, alright? You're okay now," Dean coaxed, smiling reassuringly.

However, Cas's reaction was not what he had been expecting. As soon as he opened his eyes, he actually let out a pitiful sob, and it wasn't one of relief. Dean's heart flew into his throat.

"Let me go, please let me go," Cas pleaded, trying to struggle from Dean's grasp, but somehow Dean knew that he didn't mean letting him go in a physical sense.

"Cas, no. I'm not gonna do that," he said firmly, gripping the angel's shoulders again and trying to lever him upright in an attempt to get him back into the bed so he wouldn't hurt himself further.

"Please, have I not done enough already?" Cas sobbed, flailing weakly as if to fight Dean off but the hunter simply wrapped his arms around Cas' upper body and pulled him backward against his chest, sitting against the side of the bed in an attempt to calm his friend like he used to do for Sam when he was scared as a kid.

"Cas, stop." He was the one pleading now, the angel's sobs stabbing him in the heart.

"Can I not just rest now? Can you not let me rest?"

Dean looked up hopelessly as Sam finally hurried into the room, his hair still wet from the shower, and saw the situation at a glance. The brothers shared a look as Sam quickly made his way over to crouch next to Dean and the distraught angel, gripping Cas' forearms and rubbing gently in an attempt to soothe him.

"Cas, it's okay, we're here, we're not gonna let you go. Not this time."

His words only seemed to distress Cas more, the angel tipping his head back against Dean's shoulder with a moan. "P-please…I can't!"

Sam looked up at Dean with desperation and all Dean could do was hold Cas tighter as if that would somehow change his mind. How the hell were they going to talk him down? He had thought Cas was okay back when he had spoken to him before their fight with Amara, but now, Dean saw his words for what they really were. That Cas had never meant to leave that fight. That when he had told them goodbye, he had meant it—for good. Dean swallowed hard.

"Cas, we can't lose you," he said quietly. "You're our brother. I'm not gonna just let you go. You know I couldn't let Sammy go, how could you think…?" His throat constricted too much for him to continue.

"Cas, I've been there, I know how you feel," Sam added, his voice wavering with emotion. "But you have to keep fighting. It gets better. We'll get through this together, I promise."

"I'm broken…my wings," Cas choked out. "There's nothing left of me. Lucifer took everything I had left. Just let me go."

"I can't do that," Dean said firmly, reining in his emotions. "Cas, we've already let you down, and I know you have no reason to trust us, but I promise you that I will get you through this. Hell, I will be damned if I let you suffer alone ever again."

"Same here, Cas," Sam told him, reaching up and cupping the side of Cas' face. "You're our brother. We're not just going to let you drown."

This just seemed to open the floodgates. Cas crumpled in Dean's arms, moaning in agony and clutching at his chest as tears streamed down his face. "Why do you torment me with these things now?" he cried to no one in particular. "Can I not just die in peace? I must be reminded of all the things I lost as well?"

Sam and Dean stared at each other in horror, not knowing what to do for the obviously hurting, and distressed angel who was practically doubled up with agonized sobbing in Dean's lap.

"What's wrong with him?" Dean asked, his own eyes pricking with tears.

"I think he's hallucinating or something," Sam whispered while Cas continued to plead helplessly.

Dean looked stricken, but he shook himself and nodded toward the mattress behind him. "Let's get him back in the bed, at least we can make him comfortable."

They picked Cas up between them and laid him gently on his side, in case putting him on his back would hurt his injured wings even if they were incorporeal at the moment. He was still shuddering uncontrollably and Dean pulled the blanket over him and tucked it around his shoulders, thinking—hoping—this was all just a bout of shock induced by the angel's near death experience. The elder Winchester reached out and carded his hand through Cas' hair in an attempt to calm him, but his friend seemed inconsolable. His pleading had turned into an incomprehensible babble of mostly Enochian, which made Dean uneasy.

"What happened?" Sam asked his brother as he pulled a chair over to the side of the bed and sat down, briefly pressing his fingers under Cas' chin to check his pulse.

Dean shook his head, his chest constricting at the memory of what he had seen when he came into the room earlier. "I was gonna check on him, and I heard this thud. When I came into the room, he was just lying on the floor not…not breathing."

"He wasn't breathing?" Sam asked, eyes widening.

"No, and he'd pulled his wings back to wherever they usually are. I—I gave him CPR and brought him back around, but then he just…freaked out." He looked down at Cas' pale face; sweat was beading at his hairline, lips moving in a constant whisper with words that meant nothing to Dean.

"Maybe…" Sam started then stopped, his face twisting up as he fought to say what he had to. He lowered his voice. "Maybe he thought he was dead when he woke up. Maybe that's why, he's like…" Sam gestured helplessly to Cas' shuddering figure.

"But, angels don't have heavens—or hells—do they?" Dean whispered back. "I mean, I guess I never thought about that before, but…"

"He's delirious," Sam sighed, running a hand through his hair. "All he knows is that we…let him down a million times and that—that he hadn't planned on coming back from the final fight."

Dean's fist clenched where it rested on his knee, hating the words, but knowing Sam was right. They had let Cas down, in so many ways it was sickening. Dean loved the angel like a brother, as much as Sam, and he knew the younger man felt the same, but they had done a piss-poor job of showing that lately. And what was worse is that Dean had seen Cas suffering, after the spell Rowena cast on him, and hell, even before that when he had been living on borrowed grace, and then a small ragged portion of his own. But had he done anything? No. He'd let Cas suffer alone, so much so that the angel probably thought no one cared that he was suffering and so he decided to hide everything from them. Dean had never even addressed his obvious suffering until it was too late and he found out that Cas had said yes to Lucifer. His brother had been drowning this whole time and he hadn't even bothered to throw him a raft.

A tear finally spilled out of Dean's eye and he didn't even bother to wipe it away as he looked hopelessly at Sam. "Sammy, we really screwed up."

"I know," Sam replied quietly, his brow creased with mental agony.

"We can't let him die thinking that the only kind words we've said to him recently were a hallucination."

Sam nodded, throat bobbing with emotion. "We won't. We'll get him through this."

The door was shoved open and Gabriel staggered in, looking half dead on his feet. Sam instantly stood to grab the archangel's elbow, seeming afraid that he was going to fall over.

"Whoa, are you okay? You don't look like you should be out of bed yet," Sam said.

Gabriel pushed past him to get to Cas. "I'm fine. What's going on with him?" He crouched beside the bed so he could look at the injured angel face to face and reached out to cup one hand to Cas' jaw. He frowned as he listened to the Enochian mumbling and then his eyes blew wide.

"Castiel? Castiel, do you hear me? Give me room," he said to Dean and the elder Winchester, though reluctant to leave Cas' side, got off the bed and went to stand a few feet away with Sam, fear clutching his chest as he saw the frantic posturing overcome the archangel as Gabriel pressed a hand to Cas' head and closed his eyes.

"What happened to him?" Gabriel shot over his shoulder at the brothers.

"He almost died," Dean told him. "And we think he's hallucinating."

"He is," Gabriel said in a tight, pained voice. "And he's also praying for forgiveness and mercy." The archangel's eyes shown with emotion. "He's begging to die in peace."

"What?" Dean demanded.

"I should have seen it before—dammit, Cas," Gabriel cursed, shaking his head. "He didn't want to survive the fight, that's why he jumped in like he did without warning, he just didn't want to tell me what he was planning before hand. Who's the coward now, huh, Cassie?" Gabriel demanded of the unconscious figure.

Sam and Dean shared a glance before turning back to the archangel.

"Is—is there anything you can do for him?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"I'm trying," Gabriel grunted before he pressed his palm against Cas' temple and spoke several words in Enochian himself, his palm glowing against Cas' pale skin. Cas stopped talking, and seemed to sink slowly into the bed.

Gabriel removed his hand and bowed his head, carding his fingers through Cas' hair for a few seconds while Dean and Sam looked on anxiously. Finally, the archangel straightened and started to position Cas on the bed, tucking a blanket up to his waist and situating him on his stomach.

"I put him into a deep sleep," he explained to the Winchesters. "Hopefully he'll be in a more stable mind when he wakes up again." He pressed his hand to Cas' back and pulled his wings onto the earthly plane once again, checking over the bandages. "It will be easier for them to heal like this, where they're not constricted between the two planes."

"What can we do for him?" Dean asked helplessly; the image of Cas sobbing in his arms and pleading for them to 'let him go' was going to haunt him for a long time.

Gabriel sagged tiredly. "Well, there's no magic cure for this. His physical wounds will heal eventually, but the rest—that's up to all of us to get him through it. So I hope you're up to the task."

Sam and Dean both nodded firmly. "We're not gonna let him down again," Dean said.

"Good. Because getting him back on his feet is going to take a lot of doing."

Dean stared at Cas' unconscious figure again and tried to fight back the hopelessness that was descending on him. How did you save someone who didn't want to be saved?

 


	13. Stars Hide Your Fires

Sam sighed tiredly as he cleaned up the dishes from the last couple days—they hadn't had much time for household chores what with preparing to fight Amara and then taking care of Cas. The angel was still sleeping, and it was almost five in the afternoon. Sam almost dreaded Cas waking up again. He had never seen the angel so distressed before and had been so horrified to find him sobbing in Dean's arms earlier that he hadn't really known what to do. On top of that, the look of hopelessness Dean had on his face tore his heart out. Sam knew that if there was one thing Dean didn't allow it was giving up.

Sam swallowed hard as he realized he had caused Dean to have that same pain when he had been so willing to sacrifice himself for the Trials. Dean always accused people of leaving him, and the fact that the two people he cared about most had both tried to do it on purpose…well, that was a point Sam had never even thought of until Dean was willing to do the same when he had the Mark of Cain. But still, even Sam could understand that had been for everyone's safety; Cas wanted to die because he was suffering. How were they going to fix that? How could they?

He heard footsteps enter the room and turned around to see Gabriel sliding into a seat at the kitchen table. Sam dried the last plate and turned around. "Hey," he said.

Gabriel gave him a longsuffering look. Sam pressed his lips together and went to pour two cups of coffee. He set one in front of Gabriel and sat down across from him, watching the archangel spoon about six teaspoons of sugar into his cup before taking a deep swig.

He sighed and said, "Dean's watching Cas right now. Balthazar went out to test the waters on the new situation."

Balthazar had woken earlier that day, still weak, but better off than Gabriel since he hadn't been hit as hard. Gabriel ideally could have used another couple days of downtime, but Sam knew he wasn't going to with his brother in such a bad state.

"You think there's fallout?" Sam asked.

"There's always some kind of fall out," Gabriel shrugged. "But I don't think it will be that bad. Michael will be ruling with an iron fist soon enough, and hopefully Crowley will restore order in Hell before they get too crazy down there. Personally I don't give a rat's ass, either way."

Sam watched him for a few seconds, seeing how tired the archangel looked. "So um, how are you, Gabriel?" he asked hesitantly.

Gabriel glowered across the table at him. "What do you mean?"

Sam shrugged. "I mean, you're still not totally healed, and what with Cas…" He was struggling and bit his lip lightly before he continued. "And I—I wanted to say I was sorry. About Lucifer."

Gabriel actually laughed and drank more of his coffee. "That's actually kind of touching, especially coming from you." Sam wasn't sure whether to be offended or not, but Gabriel continued, putting his cup down with a thunk on the table. "Truth is, I had already resigned myself to Lucifer's death back when the Apocalypse started. I mean, sure, at one point he was my favorite big brother, but that was before…well, everything. He was different back then. But he hadn't been like that for a long time. Sometimes I wonder which Lucifer was actually the real one."

Sam looked down into his coffee mug. "You can't control what other people become."

Gabriel snorted. "Don't I know it. I learned that one with you and your brother." Sam huffed a laugh. "Ah well, it's probably best in the long run, isn't it? No way he can make any trouble now."

Sam nodded, honestly relieved that Lucifer was gone for good. It almost felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. He knew he would probably always have the nightmares, but the fact that the possibility of them becoming reality was no longer there, that was a comfort in itself.

"Still, he was your brother," Sam continued sincerely. "But at least he died in battle."

Gabriel nodded, not looking up from his coffee. "Thanks, but truthfully, he hadn't been my brother for a very, very long time."

Sam wanted to say something but didn't know what would be appropriate. Instead he just swallowed some more coffee and allowed them both some silent brooding.

Dean came into the kitchen then, looking exhausted but with some relief on his face. "Cas is awake."

Sam and Gabriel stood up and followed him back to Cas' room. Sam watched as Gabriel went straight over to his brother and rested a hand on his forehead.

"Hey, Cas, how do you feel?"

Cas looked between the three of them with slight confusion. "Wha—what happened?"

Sam's stomach clenched as he could practically feel Dean tense beside him.

Gabriel forced a smile. "You had an episode earlier but you'll be okay…"

"He brought me back again," Cas murmured as if in disbelief. "I—I thought—"

"Castiel," Gabriel told him, crouching to look him in the eye. "You were not dead, do you hear me? You were only…mostly dead—you were just hallucinating."

"No," Cas whimpered, trying to pull away from Gabriel, but his wings twitched and he gasped in pain. Gabriel grabbed his arm to keep him still.

"Cassie, listen to me, whatever is going on with you right now, we're going to get you through it. You're not alone in this, okay?"

He stood up and turned to the Winchesters. "Why don't we try to get a little something for him to eat and drink? He's going to need something to give his body strength while his grace is still so weak."

"No," Cas protested.

"No negotiations," Gabriel said firmly.

Dean stepped forward. "I can go make some soup."

"Good, how does some hot soup sound, Cas?" Gabriel asked his brother.

"I don't want it."

Sam would have smiled at the fact Cas sounded like a petulant five-year-old if the situation hadn't been so bad already. He sat in the chair Dean had vacated earlier and gave the angel an encouraging smile. "Cas, you really will feel better if you eat something. How about starting with some water?"

Cas glared at him but didn't protest when he got up to fill a glass of water, and Gabriel snapped a crazy straw into existence. Sam crouched and positioned the straw next to Cas' lips.

"Just try a few sips okay?" he coaxed.

Cas stared for a long moment before taking the straw into his mouth and sipping gingerly. He hardly drank anything, but the fact that he had at least tried was enough for Sam.

"That's good, Cas. Let me know if you want some more."

Dean came back in soon with a mug of chicken and stars, which he was blowing on to cool down.

"Got some grub for you, Cas," he said with a small smile.

"Here, little bro, why don't we get you sitting up," Gabriel said. "Sam, can you prop him up while I situate his wings?"

Cas protested weakly as Sam slipped an arm around his chest and started to pull him upright as gently as possible while Gabriel carefully moved his wings around to rest more comfortably in the new position.

"Stop, please," Cas whispered, his shoulders hunching at the pain the movements caused. Sam could feel Cas' body tense as he kept his arm around the angel, supporting him while Gabriel positioned pillows behind his back.

"You can lay down again after you try to eat," Gabriel informed him. "And you will eat, Cas. I'm not going to take no for an answer."

"I don't want to," Cas growled.

"Sure you do, you just don't know it yet," Dean said as he sat down on the side of the bed with a smile. "Tell you what, Cas, if you eat at least half of this soup, I'll let you have some ice cream for your next meal."

Sam fought back a fond smile. That was definitely a familiar tactic he remembered from childhood. Dean was always first and foremost a big brother.

"I don't want ice cream either, Dean, I want to rest."

"Seriously?" Dean asked, still with that big brother voice. "Not even that triple chocolate one you like so much?"

"I want to rest," Cas told him firmly, weariness sliding into his voice, most of the defiance leaving his eyes.

"You can rest after you eat, come on man, you wanna get better don't you?" Dean brought the spoon close to Cas' mouth.

"No, I don't, don't you get it?" Cas demanded, shoving Dean's hand away and causing the mug of soup to slosh onto Dean's thigh. The elder Winchester leapt up with a startled curse and Sam winced, handing him the tissue box.

"Cas!" Gabriel snapped.

"Why won't you all just leave me alone?" the angel demanded, tears streaming from his eyes. "You always have to get your way! You never think of anyone but yourselves! Never stop to think how much it hurts others!"

"Cas, this isn't about us, this is about you," Dean tried.

"No it's not!" Cas screamed, clenching his fists. "If it was about me, if you really cared like you profess to do so much, you would let me go!"

Sam's breath caught in his throat, too busy fighting his own emotions to notice Dean striding forward and grabbing Cas by the shoulders, glaring at him in anger.

"Is that what you think? Huh, Cas? After everything we've been through, that's all you think of us?" He shook the angel slightly. "You just think that because Sam and I don't want you to let yourself die that we're selfish bastards? Well, here's a newsflash for you, you son of a bitch, you're the one being selfish here! How do you think we feel with you talking about leaving us for good, huh? You're family Cas! And you're practically the last of if we have now, so don't you dare think that you can just quit us like that. This isn't about guilt on either side, this is about wanting to give up, you coward! You don't quit on family!"

"Dean," Sam said quietly, grabbing his arm as Dean shook Cas again. The angel just stared at his lap, blinking tears out of his eyes.

"This isn't about us needing you around Cas," Dean said, his own voice breaking. "This is about us wanting you because you're our brother. Don't you get that?"

Cas looked up with anger, grief, and a thousand other emotions in his wet eyes, choking slightly before he said, "Where were you when I needed to hear that earlier?"

Dean just stared at him blankly and Sam quickly grabbed his brother's shoulder and maneuvered him out of the room, leaving Cas to Gabriel, who had oddly done nothing during Dean's outburst.

Sam closed the door behind them as Dean swung a fist at the nearest wall and slammed hard enough to leave blood on the tile. Sam quickly gripped his brother's wrist to keep him from doing it again.

"Dean, come on, don't beat yourself up about this."

"Why not? It's my damn fault!" Dean snapped as Sam continued to lead him down the hall. "What the hell did we do, man? How could Cas have gotten that bad without us seeing?"

Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Because I was too busy looking for a cure for the Mark and you were…homicidal."

"But afterward, he was here, he was suffering from the aftermath of Rowena's spell, we knew that, but what if it wasn't just that, Sam?" Dean cried. "Hell, the guy was binge-watching Netflix for days on end! That is so far from Cas I don't even…and then Lucifer. Maybe he made it worse, he plays with people all the time, but Cas wouldn't let something get to him if he didn't already believe it. Does he really think we would be okay with him dying?"

"It's…hard," Sam said quietly. "I remember, back when I was doing the Trials, I didn't think about anything but that they made me feel clean, finally, after everything I had done. That they were, I don't know, cleansing me of my sins. And I was ready to die, and I wasn't going to regret it. The only thing I regretted for a long time was that you…pulled me back." He hated seeing the tightening of Dean's jaw as he said that and offered a reassuring smile. "The point is, I didn't really understand how you felt until I saw you suffering from the Mark and how you were willing to sacrifice yourself to save the world—and how much I was willing to do to keep from losing you. Again." He swallowed and cleared his throat before he continued. "Cas has talked about doing penance before. Maybe even after all the things he's been through, he still thinks he has a debt to pay for what he did. Maybe he doesn't feel clean either. And I know what it's like to be so tired you just don't want to go on another day. I mean, Dean, all the crap we've been through, that Cas has been through, we'd all be justified in wanting that, right?"

Dean nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, you're not wrong."

"But maybe Cas just needs a little extra help remembering why he should fight in the first place. It might take a while to make him realize that the easy way out isn't always the best option, but we will make sure he does eventually. We just…have to have patience."

"But how do you go about convincing someone that their freaking sins are atoned for?" Dean demanded hoarsely.

"I don't know," Sam said. "But we'll figure it out."

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Go away," Castiel told Gabriel as the archangel walked around the bed and sat down on the side of it.

"No," Gabriel said almost petulantly. Any other day he probably would have slugged Dean Winchester for manhandling his baby bro like he had, but in all honesty, Gabriel hadn't thought Dean's speech had been totally off the mark. In fact, he was actually glad the hunter had gotten the shouting out of the way, because now Gabriel could be the one to smooth over the hurt and take over the gentle coaxing portion. He'd had to play the bad guy enough with Cas lately, this would be a nice change up. Besides, if he was being honest, he was exhausted.

Castiel closed his eyes wearily. "Please, go away."

"Ooh, the magic word doesn't work on big brothers like that." Gabriel didn't move. "I want you to talk to me, kiddo."

"I don't want to."

"Well, tough, because I'm not leaving until you do."

Castiel sighed heavily, squeezing his eyes shut. "Fine, what do you want to talk about?"

"How's things?"

Cas gaped at him. "What?"

Gabriel sighed. "Okay, here's how it is. I know what's going on in that melon of yours, Cas, I know what you really want, and it just ain't gonna happen; not on my watch."

"Why can none of you just let me move on?" Cas pleaded. "I—I was about to. I prayed. I prayed so hard to have peace, and God answered my prayer, but then you all brought me back again!"

"Castiel," Gabriel rested a hand on his shoulder. "You weren't dead. Like I said before, mostly dead—maybe technically, legally dead—but only for a few seconds if what the Winchesters told me is correct. Dean gave you the good old kiss of life, and you were up again within a minute at least."

Castiel seemed confused by this.

"But I…I felt like I was dying, I thought my prayers had finally been answered…"

"No, Cassie. That was just a spasm of your grace brought on by the exertion it took to pull your wings back to the ethereal plane," Gabriel told him gently motioning behind him to the currently visible appendages. "They need to stay out so they can heal, alright?"

Cas shook his head, a pained expression on his face. "But why can I not rest in peace. Even—even Lucifer was allowed to pass on and I am still here, even more broken than I was before, with so many deaths to answer for. I feel the blood of our brothers and sisters on my hands, Gabriel. I cannot wash it away!"

Gabriel reached out and grabbed the lesser angel's hands firmly, pressing with his thumbs, hoping the pressure would get Castiel to focus on him. "You listen to me, Castiel, there is nothing you could have done that cannot be forgiven."

"You don't know what I've done!" Castiel wailed, trying to yank his hands away but Gabriel held firm.

"Actually, I do. I, uh, looked into your memories. I saw everything."

"Then you know," Cas said miserably and looked at Gabriel with some small hope as if he thought his brother might see now why he felt he needed to be punished. Gabriel shook his head.

"You know what I saw? I saw someone who got dealt a crap hand and still went all in every time. Bravery in the face of certain death. And sure, you made some mistakes. Spoiler alert, we all make mistakes, Cas. And being a hero, and saving the world sometimes means getting blood, a lot of it, on our hands, and doing things we regret. But never once did I see you make the wrong choices for the wrong reasons. You did what you had to do or at least what you believed you had to do with the best of intentions, and that can always be forgiven, even if it turns out worse than expected."

Castiel shook his head, his chest hitching with sobs. "But why me? Why do I deserve to come back? I kept wondering. The first time, when Raphael smote me, I was grateful, and I knew I had been brought back because the Apocalypse was on and I still had a job to do. But after that, when Lucifer killed me…I didn't understand then, not until I brought Sam out of the cage—then I thought that must have been the duty I had been set. But after…there was no reason to keep bringing me back then. That was when I finally realized that it must be for my penance, to punish me for all the wrongs I had done. And it just kept happening; even when I was human, I couldn't…" he folded over and was choked by a pitiful sob that went straight to Gabriel's heart. "I thought that offering my vessel to Lucifer to stop the Darkness would be the thing that would finally help repay all my wrongs, but now…now I see that perhaps I was too eager for it to be the end and now for that I am being punished."

Gabriel stared at his brother, feeling Castiel's distress through his own battered grace. He reached out and pushed the dark hair back from his forehead. "Cassie, did you ever think that maybe the resurrections weren't to make you suffer, but because you were needed here?"

Castiel shook his head. "I'm fallen! Why would I be needed?"

Gabriel sighed. "Really? You don't get it? Do you really think Sam and Dean would have survived without you all these years? Nope. Without you, Dean would still be in Hell as teacher's pet to Alastair—emphasis on pet—and Sam would have been so messed up with the demon blood he would have said yes to Lucifer in a heartbeat once he got topside. Then you know what would have happened? There would be no one to serve as Michael's vessel and Lucifer would have won the Apocalypse. And that doesn't even cover all the times you helped later—you may not see it, but they would never have made it without you." He nodded toward the door. "Besides, those kids care a hell of a lot about you. They've been messed up about all this. They called you family, Cas. And you know what that means to them. Hell, they may have made mistakes too, but they've still been better brothers to you than I have in, well, centuries." His heart twinged at the truth to that. He knew he had left Castiel and the other young angels in the lurch back when he had left heaven, and then he'd had a pretty terrible reunion with the kid, but he was glad of the second chance he was getting to repair that. "Look, Cas, you can't choose now to check out. Things are actually looking up again, you may even get a modicum of peace now. I think you should try and get past this need to rest in peace. You may find out that you're grateful you did."

"I don't know if I can," Cas whispered miserably. "Gabriel, I am so tired. I have no strength to fight."

Gabriel cupped Castiel's face between his hands, forcing him to meet his eyes. "Then we'll fight for you."

Castiel crumbled and only a second passed before he reached out to clench a hand in Gabriel's shirt. Gabriel huffed and gently pulled his younger brother to his chest, resting his chin on the top of his head. "We'll get through this, Cassie," he whispered. "Just promise me you'll try."

Hot tears slid down his neck as he felt Cas nod against him once with a deep hitching breath. "I'll—I'll try."

Gabriel smiled and gently stroked his fingers over the sparse feathers of Castiel's wings, feeling the broken angel relax against him. He knew it was going to be a long journey, but he was also pretty confident now that Cas would at least be willing to join them on it.


	14. Whether Tis Nobler

The next few days were touch and go. Cas was still deeply depressed and every minute was a struggle for him, but the Winchesters and the two angels never left him alone, and were there for support and comfort whenever he needed it and oftentimes when he didn't really want it. Sam spent long hours reading to him with a cup of lemon and honey tea by his side for when his voice grew too hoarse to go on. Balthazar spent just as long recounting tales of their misadventures, some of which actually managed to bring a small smile to Cas' lips. Gabriel tried to cheer him up by bringing him strange gifts, the most memorable being a "Hang In There" cat poster and a Snuggie, which Dean snorted at initially, but actually had to admit worked perfect for keeping Cas warm without restricting his wings—even if it looked ridiculous.

Dean usually took the night shift, and watched over Cas while he slept the same way the angel had done for him countless times, making sure he was there to wake him when Cas had a nightmare. There were more than a few times that Cas woke up sobbing or panicked and Dean soothed him back to sleep with gentle reassurances he hadn't used since Sam was a little kid. They both knew they would never mention those moments even to each other, but it seemed to help a bit and that was all that mattered.

Sometimes, when Cas didn't quite wake up from his nightmares, on the rare occasion they weren't so bad he was screaming himself into consciousness, Dean would simply touch his feathers lightly. It seemed to soothe Cas rather easily and while Dean's fingers skimmed the glossy black plumage, he would always feel that hum from his scar, accompanied by some vague memory of Cas. When they first met on earth in the barn, when Cas decided to join him and Sam during the Apocalypse, when Cas came back at Stull Cemetery and healed him, among many others. Each only a fraction of a second, but there. Though he didn't understand it, Dean found it vaguely comforting and wondered if Cas saw something similar on his end.

What Dean was happiest to see was that, while they couldn't quite say Cas was improving yet, he was trying, and that was all Dean really asked. He knew Cas wasn't just going to bounce back, but having him at the point where he wanted to be okay again was already a battle won.

But Cas' problems went beyond his depression. His wings were still in a critical state, and he still wasn't able to pull them back to the ethereal plane, nor could they release them from the tight bandages keeping them in the correct position for recovery. This caused great discomfort to the angel, and it only got increasingly worse. His back and shoulder muscles began to seize and spasm because of his tense and uncomfortable positions and that only caused the pain to extend right up into his wings.

Sam started out with suggesting a heating pad and that worked for a while, and soothed the pain a bit, but it still didn't keep his muscles from seizing. Eventually Balthazar began giving him massages, doing his best to work out the cramping muscles. Dean also slipped Cas some heavy-duty muscle relaxer they had in their stash of illegally obtained meds. He knew Cas had to be suffering when he didn't even put up too much of a protest at the prospect of taking them.

On the morning of the fifth day, Cas woke after a particularly hard night with a cramp in his left wing. His yelp startled Dean, who had been dozing in the chair beside his bed, and the hunter leapt up, reaching instinctively for a weapon before he realized it was just Cas.

"Hey, what's going on, buddy?" he asked, crouching to get at eye level.

Cas was panting and sweating through the pain. "M-my wing…"

Dean looked and saw the left appendage shuddering from tension and he squeezed the back of Cas' neck to get him to relax before he started gently working the muscles around the part of the wing that attached to his back, feeling the tight knots there and wincing for Cas' benefit. He knew how it felt to have a limb stuck in a cast and how it cramped up any surrounding muscles because of the lack of movement and since Cas had probably never had to deal with his wings in a corporeal state while he was in his vessel it was unfamiliar as well as painful.

Cas whimpered into his pillow, but Dean didn't stop until he felt the knots give and Cas' wing relaxed back against his side.

"That any better?" he asked hopefully.

"It hurts so much, I want it to stop," Cas whispered, fists clenching in the pillow. The honestly let Dean know it was really bad, and Cas was too tired to care.

Dean plugged in one of the heating pads and gently situated it around Cas' wings. "I know, but healing takes time."

"It wouldn't if I still had all my grace," Cas said miserably.

Dean sighed and sat back down. "Cas, even Gabriel isn't back to full power quite yet after what Amara did to him. She was really powerful."

"But they can't even be healed. Not fully," Cas said. "I can never regain the rest of my grace; Metatron used most of it up, and without it my wings will never be fully healed. I will never fly again."

Dean swallowed hard, knowing this was partly why Cas was in such a depressed state. He leaned forward and put a hand on Cas' shoulder. "Cas, sometimes crap just happens. If you can't change it, you may as well find a way to roll with it. Besides, if it's any consolation, I think your wings are still freakin' awesome."

Cas sighed. "I appreciate the sentiment, but they are nothing but worthless ornaments now; and not even very pleasant looking ones at that."

Dean silently took that in before he said, "Balthazar told me that an angel's wings were sort of a reflection of their true selves. Maybe…maybe once you are able to heal yourself inside, they will get better too."

"I think that is simply wishful thinking," Cas replied tightly before he closed his eyes again.

"Hey, how about you try and drink some more before you go back to sleep? Maybe eat something?"

"Food will not make me feel better, it only reminds me that I am as good as mortal."

Dean sighed, trying to force himself not to snap. "Cas, buddy, whether you deny it or not, this is how things are right now. You may not be able to tell, but you are losing body weight and that hasn't happened before." Dean had noticed this only yesterday, when he realized Cas' cheeks were a little too gaunt and his ribs a little too prominent. At first he had thought it was that Cas' body just looked a little smaller with the addition of his wings, but protruding bones didn't lie and angels didn't lose weight when they were at full power. But he still hadn't been able to get Cas to eat anything but some broth.

"What would you like to eat?" Dean asked him. "I mean, I wouldn't suggest a hamburger or chili fries in your state, but something easier on the stomach maybe. You tell me? I'm not going to give you another of the muscle relaxing pills until you get something into your stomach."

Cas was silent for a long time and Dean was about to give up and just fix him more broth when he replied, "Do you…still have ice cream?"

Dean smiled genuinely for the first time in days. "Of course, Cas. That is, if Gabriel hasn't eaten all of it, but if he has, I'll go out and buy some."

Dean happily fetched a bowl of ice cream and helped prop Cas up with pillows so he could eat. He couldn't quite finish, but Dean recognized progress when he saw it. He gave Cas a pill and helped him lay down in a hopefully more comfortable position before he gathered the bowl up.

"I'll be right back, okay?"

"Dean, you don't need to stay here this whole time."

"It's my shift," Dean shrugged. "Unless you're bored of me, then I can get Balthazar."

Cas huffed. "None of you need to waste time sitting with me."

Dean frowned and went back to sit down, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "Cas, it's not about us needing to be here, it's about us wanting to make sure you're comfortable and that you're not alone."

"I don't understand."

Cas looked genuinely confused and Dean reached out to close his hand around the thin wrist. "Cas, you're family. That's all the reason we need." He smiled and cupped the side of Cas' neck before he quickly took the bowl to the kitchen. He had known it was going to take Cas a while to actually get back to a good place in his own mind, but he still couldn't help but wonder how long it was going to take for Cas to simply realize that they were his family and they weren't just going to leave him to suffer alone.

Of course, their track record hadn't been spectacular. Sam, Dean, even Gabriel had left Cas at some point, pretty much acting like they couldn't care less. It was no wonder he had trust issues.

Gabriel walked into the kitchen then. "Hey, how's Cas this morning?"

Dean smiled. "He ate some ice cream. Actually asked for it."

Gabriel's eyes lit up slightly at that. Later that day, Dean opened the freezer and found so many different flavors packed in there it was like they had their very own ice cream shop inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam had been reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy to Cas, since Charlie had told him Metatron's pop culture download was cheating and he needed to read the actual books.

They were just finishing up The Return of the King as Cas curled on his side, listening, his wings propped up on a long body pillow Gabriel had brought him that was a ridiculously bright orange. Sam finished the last page and closed the book, setting it on the side table, smiling at Cas.

"Well, what did you think?"

Cas was silent for a long time. "I did like it. It was very…relatable, the struggles between good and evil."

"We do encounter a lot of that," Sam agreed and reached for his mug of coffee on the side table. "Now that we're done with this, would you like to choose another book to read?"

"You can decide," Cas said distractedly.

Sam frowned slightly, but shrugged. "Okay, I'm sure I can find something you would enjoy." He had been hoping the angel might choose something for himself, but maybe he really didn't have any preference. Sam was just trying to get him to show an interest in something to help take his mind off of his inner struggles for a moment.

"Sam," Cas said, catching his attention. "In the book, Frodo…his mission to take the Ring to Mordor left him sort of broken, and unsure if he could go on, so he left for the Gray Havens."

Sam swallowed, trying to keep his face nonchalant as he mulled Cas' comment over in his mind. It certainly hadn't escaped him that the situations in the books could be thought of as parallel to their own lives in certain aspects, but he was hoping Cas wasn't getting the wrong idea out of it. He traced the pages of the worn paperback while he spoke. "Frodo gave a lot of himself to that mission," he said. "It would have been a lot for anyone to bear."

"He wanted peace at the end," Cas said quietly. "But the Shire, it wasn't the same and it couldn't erase all the bad for him." His eyes dropped to the floor.

"You can't expect anyone to be the same after going through what he did," Sam said gently. "Experiencing that much evil, it changes a person."

"But Samwise bore the ring as well, and he was there with Frodo through the whole journey." A pained look crossed Cas' face, looking back up at Sam. "Why was he able to recover and go back to his life and Frodo wasn't?"

Sam inhaled deeply, thinking carefully of his answer. He leaned forward with his hands clasped before him around his coffee mug. "Some people find it easier to adjust to things, Cas. It doesn't mean they're any stronger than those who can't; some people can just deal with things a little better, a little quicker, but it doesn't mean they can't learn to in their own way."

Cas was silent for a long time then, "I think you and Dean are more like Samwise."

Sam bit his lip. "Maybe, but that doesn't mean that even we aren't like Frodo sometimes."

Cas sighed. "No, you can always get back on your feet, no matter what happens. I…I'm in this position right now because I can't. I think…I think I would have liked to have had the option to go to the Grey Havens."

Sam reached out and gripped Cas' shoulder. "Frodo may have born the burden, Cas, but Sam was there by his side the whole time, making sure he got to the end, and got back home afterward. It may have been Frodo's choice to go to the Havens, but maybe if he hadn't, he would have still found a way to find peace again."

"Do you think Frodo was weak for choosing to go?" Cas asked, his voice so soft, Sam almost didn't hear him.

Sam shook his head firmly. "No, Cas. Frodo had given all he could give. Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is admit that we aren't alright and that we need something more." He took a deep breath, and decided to go along with his train of thought. "But, you understand, Frodo wasn't choosing death, Cas, he was simply moving on to something else, something different."

Cas nodded but his eyes were sad, tired, and Sam nudged his arm gently. "You know, Cas, you don't have to jump right back into the fighting if you don't want to, not until you're ready. You don't even have to ever again. You can have your peace here. With us—your family."

"But you and Dean have both said that getting out of the life is impossible."

Sam smiled wryly. "Sometimes, Cas, I think the only reason we were never successful is because we never actually could live normal lives to begin with. It's just not for us. But you know, maybe you should give it a try? You might actually be better at it than we ever were."

Cas looked away and Sam thought he was done talking when he said. "Maybe…but perhaps I couldn't give it up either."

"Whatever you decide, it's your decision, Cas, and we will be there with you the whole way, no matter what."

"Does time…really heal all ills?" Cas asked quietly, doubt in his voice.

Sam smiled sadly. "I think that's something everyone has to answer for themselves."

Cas nodded and curled up tighter in the bed, and closed his eyes. Sam sat and watched him sleep for a while, mulling over their conversation. He wasn't sure how exactly to take it. He just hoped Cas wasn't sliding backwards again.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next couple days were hard. Cas seemed to be quiet, contemplative and was hardly eating, much to Dean's chagrin. Dean would have blamed his brother for reading him those damn books if he actually thought it had made any difference. Sam had told him about their conversation, and Dean wasn't sure if it had caused Cas' seeming decline or not.

They were all trying to get Cas to interact more, but Gabriel always seemed to go too far and only resulted in Cas snapping at him and nothing Dean suggested interested him. He let Cas watch some stuff on Netflix sometimes when he couldn't sleep just to get his mind on something else, but wasn't going to let him start binging himself to death again.

Cas' nightmares were also getting worse, happening more frequently, and getting harder for Dean to snap him out of.

Then one night, Dean was sitting next to Cas' bed, reading through the news on his laptop to make sure nothing weird was going on, when Cas started gasping for breath and pleading.

"No, no please, don't make me, don't—don't hurt them!"

"Cas," Dean called, on his feet and crouching over the bed in an instant. He grabbed Cas' shoulder and shook him gently but that only seemed to distress the angel further. He was afraid Cas would hurt himself so he bent to try and restrain him a bit, when one of Cas' wings jerked up and cracked him in the jaw. Dean staggered back with a curse as Cas screamed, probably in pain, and jerked awake.

"D-Dean?" he whispered.

"Cas, hey, are you good?" Dean asked, going back to the bed instantly.

Sam was opening the door, peeking in.

"Hey, everything okay?" he asked.

Dean nodded but Sam didn't leave, just came in and sat on the end on the bed. Cas seemed actually more relieved to see Sam and slumped a little further on the bed, still breathing heavily.

"Sam, you're…okay?" Cas asked him hesitantly.

Sam frowned but nodded. "Of course, Cas. Why would you think I wasn't?"

"I dreamed…" Cas hesitated. "Sam, I'm sorry I almost let Lucifer kill you. I never wanted that, I'm sorry."

"Cas, it's okay," Sam coaxed gently, patting his arm. "You stopped him, remember?"

"Yes…I did," Cas said quietly.

Dean shared a look with Sam. The younger brother swallowed hard before turning back to the angel who was looking more fragile by the second. "Cas? Did Lucifer…hurt you after that?"

The silence and the firm set of Cas' jaw told them all they needed to know.

"That son of a bitch," Dean said under his breath. Lucifer had hurt both his brothers now, and Dean almost wished that he could have been the one to do the devil in himself.

"It doesn't matter," Cas whispered. "I'm sorry I woke you."

Dean reached out subconsciously and ran his fingers along Cas' nearest feathers. Memories flashed briefly up, of Dean teaching Cas how to hunt. He smiled and then realized Cas was watching him an odd expression on his face and Dean felt slightly embarrassed.

"You know, Cas," Dean said. "You have always been there to protect us, even when we didn't know it. I just want you to know that you don't have to feel bad that we need to take care of you right now."

"Exactly," Sam added. "Cas, you are our brother. You know Dean and I would never give up on each other right? That we never think taking care of the other is a burden."

"Of course not," Cas said. "But that's different. I'm just…a broken, fallen angel."

Dean's heart twisted at the sad finality of his statement as if that made him someone of no consequence. "No, Cas, you're our fallen angel. We don't care if you're Castiel angel of the Lord, or human, or fallen, or whatever, we still want you for you. It doesn't make you not our brother, it doesn't make us care about you any less."

"But I have nothing left to give," Cas said, still not seeming to understand.

"Cas," Sam said, shaking his head and reaching out to clasp his hand firmly. "The only thing you have to give us is you. The only thing we want from you is to keep fighting. We can't lose you."

Cas seemed to think about that and then finally ducked his head, a couple tears slipping down his cheeks. "You're…you're sure?"

"Hell yes, Cas," Dean said, fighting back his own tears.

"How can I deserve that?" Cas asked helplessly. "After everything?"

"Dude, seriously? Sam was high of demon blood for a year and started the Apocalypse, I had the freaking Mark of Cain—you don't think we haven't all been horrible people at one point or other?" He reached out and gripped the side of Cas' neck to make him look at him. "Cas, you have paid enough penance. Stop punishing yourself and come home, brother." He just barely got the last words out before his throat closed up. Sam's hand was on his shoulder, a warm comfort and Cas was looking up at him with finally some light in his eyes. Dean angrily swiped at his cheeks. "Dammit, everything always has to turn into a chick flick moment."

"Come on, Dean," Sam cajoled with a smile. "You love chick flicks."

Dean shook his head with a smile. "Yes, I do, come here." He pulled his two brothers to him, one against each shoulder and finally let out the pent up breath he had been keeping in since…forever. For the first time in a long time things seemed to actually be looking up.

 


	15. There Does a Sable Cloud

"Okay, just try to hold still as much as possible."

Cas sat uncomfortably backwards in a chair, while Gabriel began unwrapping the bandages from around one wing. Balthazar supported the appendage and Sam and Dean stood close by looking on, there for support. It had been a little over two weeks now since they had defeated Amara, and Gabriel had decided it was time to check on how Cas' wings were healing and that the bones were mending properly.

"There we go, hold tight, Cassie," Gabriel unwound the last of the ace wrap and Cas' wing shuddered, the feathers bristling. Gabriel slipped one hand under the joint and, mindful of the splints that were still in place, he eased it up as carefully as possible.

Cas tensed and groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. "Gabriel, stop," he hissed.

Gabriel set his face professionally as he felt along the bones. "Sorry, Cas, but I've got to see how things are going here. Why don't you try to move it just a little bit?"

"It will hurt," Cas protested.

"You sound like a fledgling, Cas, of course it will hurt, you had broken bones," Balthazar jabbed fondly.

Cas grit his teeth in frustration and closed his eyes. There was a minute twitch through his wing, before it moved more firmly and Cas pulled it back tightly against his body, breathing heavily from the pain.

"Good enough for now." Gabriel said. "Let's wrap it back up and check the other one."

After that was done, Sam and Balthazar helped Cas back into his bed to rest, while Dean and Gabriel went to the kitchen.

"Well?" Dean asked as he started to get things out to make Cas lunch. Sam had told him that Cas liked peanut butter and jelly—not jam—so Dean was going to make one for him and see if he would eat it.

"The bones are healing," Gabriel said. "Not much we can do about the rest, but once they heal he will at least not be in pain anymore, and can pull them back to the ethereal plane."

Dean spread peanut butter on one slice of bread. "Is it true that he'll never fly again?"

"Almost positive," Gabriel said bitterly, real pain in his voice. "Not when his grace is so depleted. He's practically mortal now between the damage done by both Lucifer and Amara."

Dean swallowed hard and assembled the sandwich, his hands instinctively cutting off the crusts and making it into triangles before he realized what he was doing. He shook his head at himself.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up," Dean growled.

"Just seeing how easily you fall into big brother mode," Gabriel said with some amusement. "Ya know, I kind of wish angels had gotten to grow up with such simple rituals. We had our own, of course, but yours as humans, well, even I have to admit they're kind of comforting."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, try potty training a toddler when you're just trying to survive first grade." But he had to admit even he missed the simplicity of just looking after Sam and not having to worry about saving the world. The last couple weeks might have been rough, but with no other job than to look after Cas, well, it was actually kind of a break.

Gabriel fished in the fridge and pulled out the milk, pouring a glass and handing it to Dean. "Here, he should have some. Good for the bones."

Dean snorted as he took it. "You know, Gabriel. You don't totally suck as a big brother yourself."

Gabriel smirked, cocking his head. "Now, Dean, I think that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."

"Doesn't mean I like you," Dean retorted as he went to bring Cas his food.

Now he would just have to think of something to make Cas feel better about his wings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another few days passed. They worked on getting Cas to be more active, getting him out of bed some, even though he still couldn't do too much physically. But he was able to rest in one of the comfortable library chairs and read and watch movies with the Winchesters in the den.

One day Dean found Cas sitting in his preferred chair, his wings draped somewhat awkwardly over each armrest. He was holding a book but obviously wasn't reading it. Dean had his laptop tucked under his arm, but instead of turning it on, he sat across from Cas on the couch and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Hey, what are you reading?" he asked.

Cas startled slightly as if he hadn't noticed him come in. "Oh, um, the Wizard of Oz. Sam suggested it." He glanced down at the book. "I am not overly fond of flying monkeys though."

"Yeah, me neither." Dean watched him carefully, seeing the slump of his shoulders and the dullness of his eyes and inquired softly, "Is it… a bad day?"

Cas hesitated but then nodded. "Yes. I feel like…like the world is pressing down and trying to crush me."

Dean was glad to hear the admission. That was a good thing. "Well, I'm here; you can talk to me about it if you want. You in pain or anything?"

Cas shifted his wings subconsciously but shook his head. "Not so bad."

Dean motioned to them. "So, is it weird? Having them out like this?"

"It is…somewhat awkward," Cas replied, shifting again. "In my true form, my wings are simply a part of me, unhampered by a corporeal plane. Here they are heavy and awkward and very hard to move around with when they are restrained like this, because I can't even use them for balance."

Dean nodded, letting that sink in. "Look Cas, I know you're probably not going to fly again, but I just want you to know that that doesn't mean you're broken. I know it's a part of your life that has been taken away from you, but maybe you can find a way to make your new situation work. Is there anything that Sam or I could do to help ease the transition?"

Cas looked down at the book, tracing a finger over the deckled edges. "I don't know. It's…hard."

"I know," Dean said gently. "Just think on it, okay? Remember, we're here for you."

Dean opened his laptop and started to work when he heard Cas exhale. "Dean…I…did you...never mind."

Dean looked up as Cas shook his head and turned his attention back to the book. "What is it, Cas? If you need something don't be afraid to ask."

"It's not important, really," Cas replied, flipping through the book, looking slightly embarrassed.

"No, really, dude, tell me."

Cas sighed in resignation. "I was just wondering if…maybe you had found my car. I—I don't know what happened to it when Lucifer…" he stopped.

Dean smiled. Good old Cas and that piece of crap Continental. Now, the thing would never hold a candle to Baby in any universe, but Dean realized that somehow Cas had become attached to it, and he sure as hell was going to make sure he got it back for him. He knew how much he hated being parted from the Impala. Besides, if Cas was feeling well enough to care about his car, then that must mean he was on the road to recovery. And it was a means of transport that would mean independence when he got himself back together. It was such a good idea Dean wished he had thought of it before.

"Like I said, it's not important," Cas insisted, seeming to take Dean's silence for disinterest. The hunter quickly assured him differently.

"No, Cas, I think it's a good idea. I don't know where it is, but we'll do our best to find it, okay?"

Cas finally met his eyes and one side of his mouth actually turned up a little bit. "Thank you, Dean."

Later Dean handed a scribbled license plate number and make and model to Balthazar.

"Hey, you think you can find this car?"

"What do I look like, LoJack?" the angel snorted as he looked disdainfully at the paper.

Dean scowled at him. "It's for Cas. This was his car, and he lost it when Lucifer jumped his bones. He had just gotten it back from that douchebag Metatron too."

Balthazar's expression softened instantly and he took the paper and folded it into his pocket. "I'll do my best."

"Thanks," Dean said.

Well, that was one down at least.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several days later Sam woke up to find Dean in the kitchen pouring what looked like a second cup of coffee, black circles under his eyes.

"Hey, did Cas have a bad night?" he asked quietly.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, first nightmares and then his wings started cramping. I just ended up letting him watch Netflix on the laptop. He's sleeping now finally."

Sam frowned sympathetically before he addressed his brother. "You should probably get some sleep, Dean. You haven't been getting a lot of downtime. That's why we take shifts, you know."

"I'm sleeping," Dean assured him. "Look, this, taking care of Cas, that's something we can do. It's not trying to find a way to save the world, it's one thing that we can focus on and honestly, I'm good with that. When Cas' wings are healed and he starts feeling better, we are off on our vacation. No monsters, no hunting for at least a month, okay? Then we can all rest."

Sam nodded and went to the fridge to see what he could find for breakfast. "Do we have anything besides ice cream?"

"Gabriel's on a supply run," Dean said. "Hopefully he'll actually get what is on the list."

"Where's Balthazar anyway, he's been gone for a couple days now?"

"He's on an errand," Dean shrugged, putting another mug of coffee on the table for Sam.

"What kind of errand?" Sam asked suspiciously.

"Just something for Cas," Dean said.

Sam sat and drank his coffee, figuring he was just going to have to wait and see.

It turned out he didn't have to wait long. Later that day, Balthazar strode into the bunker and found Sam and Dean who were currently unloading the food Gabriel had brought back while he slacked off and went to visit with Cas.

Dean was cursing at the third box of Fruit Loops he unearthed when Balthazar announced himself.

"Well, it took me an incredibly long time, but I did finally manage to track down that horrendous piece of metal for you," he said.

"You found it?" Dean asked, instantly turning to the angel.

"Of course, you said Cas wanted it, so I found it," Balthazar replied simply.

"What is it?" Sam asked.

"Cas' car," Dean told him and Sam's eyes widened.

"Did he say something about it?" he asked.

Dean shrugged. "I asked if there was anything we could do to help, and he said he'd like his car back. I thought it would help him feel like he's not so grounded, even if his wings are broken."

"Well, it's horrid, but then he didn't have anyone better to learn taste from than you," Balthazar said and Dean glared. "I mean if he really wants one of the bloody things, I could have gotten him a Jaguar or something but if this makes him happy, I suppose it will do." He shuddered slightly.

"Hey, whatever works right?" Dean said. "And don't dis my baby."

Sam found an entire bag full of boxes of Twinkies and groaned. "He didn't get any real food, did he?"

"Forget it, let's just go show Cas the car," Dean said and strode off to Cas' room.

Gabriel was talking to him and attempting to smooth down some of Cas' ruffled feathers when they came in. Cas looked up and was interested to see Balthazar again.

"Where were you?" he asked.

"Oh, out on an errand," Balthazar said nonchalantly. "Why don't you come see?"

Cas frowned. "I don't understand."

"We have something to show you, Cas," Dean said. "Come stretch your legs a little."

"And then you can eat some lunch," Gabriel said firmly.

Cas gave him a longsuffering look as the archangel helped him from the bed. "Only if it's peanut butter and jelly."

Sam smiled as he helped wrap a blanket around Cas' shoulders in case he got chilly outside and followed the others to the bunker's entrance. The stairs were too hard for Cas to maneuver with his wings so Gabriel teleported him outside while Sam and Dean took the stairs.

They opened the door and found Cas and his two brothers standing in front of the slightly beat up Continental sitting there in the drive. Cas' eyes widened when he caught sight of it and Sam and Dean shared a pleased glance.

"You—you found my car?" he asked, surprised.

Balthazar smiled. "Dean told me you wanted it back. It took a bit but I did finally manage to track it down." He reached into a pocket and pulled out the keys, dropping them into Cas' hand.

Cas looked over at all of them in turn. "Thank you."

Gabriel was still staring at the car. "Seriously, Cassie? A pimpmobile?"

"I like it," Cas said defensively.

Sam laughed and squeezed Cas' shoulder. "It's okay, Cas. There's nothing wrong with the car."

"I'll clean her up for you too," Dean offered. "Then she'll be all ready when you feel like driving her again. Though probably not until your wings heal, I don't think they'd fit."

"Thanks, all of you," he said sincerely. "I think…I think this might help a bit."

Sam smiled and caught Dean's eye. The elder brother nodded. Cas really was on the road to recovery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another week went by and Cas was slowly getting better. He still had bad days here and there and sleeping problems, but he was more willing to engage in conversation and sat with the Winchesters when they ate dinner every night. Dean was happy with his progress, and though he still had plans for full on R&R once Cas' wings were healed, he was glad to see that his friend was feeling a little more like himself at least.

One night Dean and Cas were sitting in the den watching a movie. Dean insisted on showing Cas the Indiana Jones trilogy even though the angel insisted that he knew what happened in them.

"You know, Meta-douche's pop culture download sucks," Dean told him.

Cas shrugged and then winced and fidgeted slightly on the couch. Dean glanced over at him frowning, but figured he was just trying to get his wings situated properly. To be honest, Dean was kind of getting used to seeing them, and actually wondered if it would be weird for Cas not to have his physical wings out anymore once they were healed.

"Hey, you guys want popcorn?" Sam asked, walking through the room.

"Sure," Dean told him. "And licorice! I know Gabriel got some."

"Dude, you and your licorice, it's nasty!" Sam protested.

"Would you shut up about my licorice, bitch? Cas will agree with me."

"I don't like licorice," Cas said.

Sam smirked as Dean looked at the angel, horrified. "See? I told you, it's gross, you jerk," Sam said and headed toward the kitchen.

Dean huffed and turned back to the screen. Cas grunted and shifted again, wiggling his shoulders. Dean finally turned to him. "Dude, what's your problem? Do your wings hurt?"

"No—they itch," Cas said miserably, scrunching his face up.

"They itch? Is it one of the splints?"

"I don't know, they've been like this all day, and I can't see them."

"Hold on, let me look," Dean sighed and got up, turning on a lamp and bending over the back of the couch to see Cas' wings. He frowned, looking at the spots where the splints were bandaged on, and not seeing anything that was rubbing particularly, Gabriel had made sure they wouldn't cause any more harm. But Cas was still wiggling his shoulders in discomfort.

"Where exactly does it itch?" Dean asked.

"Somewhere here," Cas pointed over his shoulder to the spot and Dean touched his wing, pushing feathers gently out of the way to see better.

Several memories assaulted him. Dean, Sam and Cas on that night that the Winchesters had stayed with the angel after his nightmare, Dean holding both his brothers and not letting go for a long moment. Dean bringing him peanut butter and jelly to eat. Showing Cas the car.

He pulled his fingers back frowning. That was weird. He had never seen such recent memories before. Most of the ones he had seen had been from years ago. He bent and looked closer.

"What the…?" he breathed.

"Dean? What is it?" Cas asked, sounding anxious.

But Dean was just looking in awe at what he had found. Several tiny black tufts were spouting from quills. The site around them looked a little irritated, but he knew exactly what they were.

"Dean?" Cas asked again, trying to twist around.

"Cas," Dean told him, slightly breathless from his discovery. "You—you're growing new feathers."

"What?" Cas asked, frowning, shaking his head. "That's impossible…"

Dean quickly dug out his phone and snapped a picture, handing it to the angel. Cas gave a sharp intake of breath.

"But how…"

"I don't know but you are," Dean told him, warmth and hope swelling in his chest as he came back around the couch to face Cas. "This is good, right?"

"Yes, but, I don't understand. I shouldn't have any new feathers. Not with my grace at half power."

"Maybe it's not just about your grace, Cas," Dean told him quietly. "Maybe it's about you too."

Cas mulled this over for a while before Sam came back in and frowned at them. "What's going on?" he asked.

Dean grinned. "Cas is growing new feathers."

Sam's eyes blew wide. "What? That's great, Cas!"

Cas smiled slightly. "Perhaps Gabriel will know why."

"We should tell him," Sam said and set the bowl of popcorn down. "I'll get him."

Dean though, was sure he had been right about Cas' wings. The fresh memories he recalled when he touched the new plumes told him as much.

"It's because I pulled you out of hell, you know," Cas said, startling him.

"What is?" Dean asked him.

"The…memories you see when you touch my wings," Cas said. "I see them too."

Dean unconsciously touched his left shoulder. "I thought that was why. Does Sam see them too?"

Cas nodded with a small smile. "Perhaps not as clearly since his rescue was…different…but he does, yes."

Dean smiled at this, and started to feel a tightness ease out of his chest, something he hadn't known was there. But seeing the new feathers now made him certain that Cas was going to be okay.

 


	16. There and Back Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now I present the happy ending :)

Castiel took a deep breath, trying to hold still while Gabriel carefully undid the splints on his wings. Balthazar and Sam and Dean were waiting to one side, anxious to see if his wings were healed enough now. He was slightly embarrassed by all the attention, but knew they were only curious about his well-being.

He felt Gabriel's fingers brush against the new feathers growing in, thankfully a little longer now and not as itchy, but there were more coming in too. It had been a surprise for all of them, and Gabriel still had no explanation for it. Castiel had been a bit disappointed to find that they didn't mean his grace was getting stronger, Gabriel had checked that angle, and informed him that it was still the same as it had been. But he supposed he would take the 'win' where he could get it, as Dean would say.

"Alright, one more," Gabriel said as he unbound the last splint from Castiel's left wing. He felt it taken away and his feathers bristled instinctively glad they were no longer cramped.

"Try stretching them out," Gabriel told him and stepped back.

Castiel stood from the chair he had been sitting on and closed his eyes, tentatively opening his wings and stretching them out to their full capacity. He heard Sam and Dean exhale softly, and though his wings were hardly in the height of their condition, they were still large fully spread out. The muscles and tendons strained and pulled, tight from disuse, and it was still rather painful, but Cas spread them all the same and gave a couple experimental flaps. They whistled pitifully through the air because of the gaps in his feathers, but the bones seemed to be healed at least.

Papers fluttered to the ground and Gabriel chuckled.

"Well, they look good, Cas, how do they feel?"

He pulled them back in toward his body, the muscles already trembling from that small exertion. "Not…entirely terrible. Still weak, not to mention unusable. But they aren't agonizing either."

Gabriel nodded. "Good. I think they'll be okay. But I want you to exercise them at least once a day, ya hear?"

Castiel nodded.

"They look good, Cas," Sam told him and Dean nodded in agreement.

Castiel looked to the side at one wing self-consciously, not exactly agreeing. "Perhaps if more feathers grow in they will not look as bare."

"You can try putting them back into the ethereal plane," Gabriel told him. "They may feel uncomfortable for a while since they've been physical so long, but you can always bring them out again if it gets too bad."

Castiel nodded and closed his eyes, having to concentrate rather hard to pull his wings back, but they shimmered and disappeared after a long second and he rolled his shoulders, his vessel feeling so light he almost staggered forward. His wings did feel a little bit odd and cramped, like the first time he had taken a vessel, but it was so much better than the agony he had felt when they were still badly injured. Gabriel smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder.

"There you go, Cassie. Why don't you go get a shirt and then you can have some lunch."

Castiel glanced down at his bare chest and nodded. He made his way back to his room when he stopped with a sudden realization. He'd had to stay bare-chested for so long, apart from blankets and that 'Snuggie' Gabriel had gotten him, that he didn't even know what he was going to do about clothing. He looked around and saw his torn and filthy dress shirt, coat, and tie draped over the desk in the corner of the room where they had been tossed the day they came back here and fixed his wings up. Someone had changed him into sweat pants at some point during his recovery, but he had nothing else to wear.

He picked up his coat and shirt, seeing how ragged and filthy they were and deciding those wouldn't do. Besides, maybe he needed a change. He had given up his first trench coat when he had become human, and perhaps it was time to give this one up as well. He didn't really know what the future held for him yet, he hadn't decided, but he knew that whatever he did, it was the start of a new chapter and he wanted to start clean.

A knock came on the door, reminding him of how long he had been in there.

"Cas?" Sam called as he opened the door and peeked in. "You okay?"

Cas turned and motioned helplessly at the pile of filthy clothes. "I don't really have anything to wear."

Sam laughed and nodded. "Sorry, I should have thought about that. I'll grab a shirt for you." Cas followed him and Sam gave him one of his shirts, which Cas pulled on, feeling the soft material appreciatively.

"Sam," he said, looking up at the younger Winchester. "I think I would like to go shopping."

Sam smiled and nodded. "I think that's a good idea, Cas."

~~~~~~~~~~

It was now a little over a month since they had defeated Amara and things were slowing down for all of them. Dean was making plans for them to go on vacation, looking up spots on the California coast and trying to book a beach cabin. Castiel was actually looking forward to going. He was still a little melancholy and had his bad days, and his nightmares, but he was also looking for a change of scene. They all needed it.

And that was why they were parting ways with Balthazar and Gabriel.

"Where will you go?" Castiel asked of Balthazar, when the angel announced he was going to be leaving. They were standing outside the bunker, Castiel sitting on the hood of his car, wearing one of his new outfits—jeans, a plain t-shirt and a blue hooded jacket over the top. Castiel had been somewhat sad when Balthazar announced he was heading off, just having gotten his old friend back, but he also understood.

"Oh, any number of places," Balthazar said. "France first I think. It's been a long time since I've been to France." He slipped his hands into his pockets and looked over at Castiel. "You'll be okay, won't you, Cas?"

Castiel shrugged honestly. "I will try my best to be. But I think so, yes."

Balthazar looked at him fondly. "If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call."

Castiel smiled. "I know. Thank you. And, Balthazar, I don't know how I can really apologize, but I do regret what I did. Every day."

"Hush, Cas," Balthazar said firmly. "That's in the past. I forgive you, brother."

Cas looked down at his feet. "I don't know whether I deserve your forgiveness."

"Of course you do," Balthazar insisted, gripping his shoulder. "And you need to work on that, okay?" Cas nodded reluctantly. "Now, it's almost sunset in Paris, and I must be off. Take care of yourself, Cas. Come visit me sometime." They embraced and then Balthazar gave him a small wave before he disappeared with a flap of wings, already halfway around the world.

Castiel made his way back inside the bunker to see Gabriel talking with Sam and Dean.

"Well, we wish you luck, Gabriel," Sam told him, clasping his hand.

"Thanks, boys, and you watch out for my little bro, okay?" Gabriel instructed.

"Will do," Dean replied.

Cas felt a pit in his stomach as Gabriel turned and smiled at him. "Hey bro, is Balthazar gone?"

He nodded. "France."

Gabriel snorted a laugh. "Figures. Well, I'm about to head out myself."

Castiel saw Sam nod to Dean and the two of them left to give the brothers some privacy. Cas looked at the archangel and wasn't able to keep the sadness from his face.

Gabriel smiled fondly. "Aw, Cassie, don't be sad."

"Do you have to leave?" Cas asked quietly. He knew he sounded like a fledgling, but he didn't really care. It had been so long since Gabriel had been around and he hadn't realized how much he had missed him.

Gabriel nodded a small sad smile on his face. "I think I do. For a while, but bro, this isn't the last time we'll see each other." He reached out and clasped the side of Castiel's neck. "I'm only a call away, you know that."

Cas looked down at the floor, his new blue Converse scuffing anxiously. "I know. Where will you go?"

"Well, I thought I would try and find Kali," Gabriel said with a bit of self-consciousness that Castiel was shocked to see. He smiled.

"You really like her."

"Yeah, I do," Gabriel admitted truthfully. He shook Cas slightly by the shoulder. "Hey, you're gonna be alright, you know, kiddo? You have Sam and Dean, and I'll be there if you need me."

"Okay," Cas said quietly.

Gabriel sighed. "Come here."

Cas gladly fell into Gabriel's arms, holding his big brother tight and burying his face in Gabriel's shoulder, his eyes stinging.

"I missed you," he whispered.

"I missed you too, little bro," Gabriel replied, squeezing him tighter. He pulled back and swiped an errant tear from Castiel's cheek. "Remember, you're gonna be fine, alright? Now, catch ya on the flip side, Cassie." Gabriel smiled, squeezed his shoulder one more time and then disappeared with a flap of wings.

Castiel heaved a sigh, but tried not to let the sadness of his brother leaving pull at him. He had known it was going to happen eventually, and it was a comfort to know that this time Gabriel wasn't leaving for good, without saying goodbye. Besides, he needed to make his own way too, and this was a good start.

His heart lifted as he heard his new family, his other brothers, calling to each other across the bunker before Dean came into the library.

"Hey, Cas, are you gonna pack or what? We're leaving first thing in the morning."

Cas nodded and went to his room. Dean watched him closely for a moment, standing in the doorway as Cas went to his closet.

"Hey," the elder Winchester said finally. "Are you okay?"

Cas took a while to reply, still sad about Gabriel leaving, but finally he turned to Dean and offered a small smile. "I think I will be," he said.

Dean smiled back and nodded, relief washing through his features as he pulled out of the room again. Cas took a deep breath then he took the duffle bag Sam and Dean had given him and started to pack. He was ready for a new adventure.

~~~~~~~~~~~

One Week Later

Castiel smiled as he closed his book, setting it aside and just lounged back in the beach chair, looking out at the ocean, breathing the salty air in deeply. He had never had a more relaxing week in his life. No cares, no worries about what would happen tomorrow, he had just been able to be himself, with the Winchesters, none of them hunting, none of them fighting for their lives; right now they got to be normal and it was something he had never known he needed.

But it was glorious. Swimming in the ocean, eating ice cream on the beach. Dean had gotten them a cabin right on the beach and they had nightly barbecues, laughing and telling stories. Once, Dean had fallen asleep laying in the sun, and Sam had recruited Cas to help him bury Dean with just his head poking through the sand. Then Dean had proceeded to tackle the two of them when they tried to take refuge in the waves. He had gotten his first sunburn, but after a few days, it had turned to a deep tan that, along with his new-found appetite helped him look less and less like he had been convalescing for a month.

Sometimes, at night, when Sam and Dean were deeply asleep—in a way he had never seen them sleep before—he would walk out on the beach and look at the stars over the ocean. And sometimes, he would say a prayer of thanks that he'd had the strength to carry on.

All in all, the three of them had finally gotten something they needed. A true reward for saving the world again, and that reward was simply a bit of happiness. Sure, they would eventually have to go back to doing what they did, but for now, this was what they needed.

Sometimes, when Cas was feeling a bit melancholy, he would think of how Sam and Dean wouldn't have been able to enjoy this if he had indeed died in that last fight. His death would have hurt them in ways he had never realized before. He had always thought that they would have been able to get over it, but their devotion to him during his time of healing had been what had eventually gotten him through it. It had shown him that he truly was their family, and he was going to try to make sure he never felt so bad again that he wanted to die for all his troubles to be over. But he didn't think he would have that problem again, because he knew he had Sam and Dean to help him through it.

"Hey, Cas!"

Dean came up to him, his arm wrapped around the waist of a leggy blond, and a grin on his face.

"Amber here, invited us to join in on a game of beach volley ball," Dean told him. "Wanna come?"

"It'll be fun!" Amber told him.

Cas looked over at the players, but decided he wasn't quite ready for that yet. "Thank you, but I think I will stay here. Have fun."

"Okay, see ya later, Cas," Dean told him and strode off with Amber, laughing at something she said.

Cas leaned back to close his eyes, when Sam strode up with a bag and sat down on the chair next to him.

"Hey, I got some snacks," he said, handing Cas an icy bottle of water and a bag of chips. Cas took it and gulped some water gratefully.

"Thank you, Sam." He was still trying to get used to his body needing more nutrients and had gotten a huge headache the first couple days at the beach from dehydration. The Winchesters were making sure he stayed plenty hydrated.

Sam picked up the book Cas had put aside. "Did you finish it?"

Cas nodded, looking down at the paperback copy of The Hobbit he had brought with him. "I was thinking about Bilbo's journey. He too went through a lot for a hobbit, and lost friends along the way. And…while it was a bit hard for him to adjust to his old life, he still was able to find a way to make it work."

"He did," Sam nodded.

"It is a certain kind of comfort, to know that no matter how far away you go, you have a home waiting for you." Cas said, remembering how for a very long time he didn't have that. Heaven wouldn't have him, and he thought he would only ever be a burden to the Winchesters. Now though…

"You know you always have a home to come back to as well," Sam said.

Cas smiled and nodded. "I know."

Then he slipped on his sunglasses and lay back in his chair with a deep sigh, finally feeling at peace.

The End


End file.
